Daddy issues

The year 1994 must have been a great one for my sweet mother. She welcomed me, her first child, Gina as she ushered the new year on the 1st of January 1994. The year indeed had started on a high note. She held her baby tight as tears dripped her chicks. Wondering, hoping but mostly thankful that Gina made it safely into her arms. 

Today, I am 26 years of age and at my age, Mama, always tells everyone this story and it never grows old. I always see how her eyes sparkle and her face lights up whenever she narrates that day. To me is she is Mama, my mother, my treasure. 

We reside in a small-sized apartment at the heart of Nairobi’s east side because it was on the eastern side of the City. We were surrounded by jovial neighbors who traveled from far away land to settle here with the hope of earning a decent living. Here, we live as a family and share the little resources we have gathered. 

On one sunny afternoon, I had just arrived from the National Library from my usual sessions. I could hear people chatting in low yet joyful monotones. As I reached for the main door, I was flooded with greetings from our neighbors as they sat together preparing dinner happily. As I stepped in, I noticed that Mama was sited next to a strikingly handsome visitor. She turned towards me, with her entire body facing the door. She smiled broadly exposing her white teeth and dimples that always caught my eye whenever she smiled. I smiled back obviously unaware of the reason for such a fine gesture but her body language negated those doubts as she beckoned for me to sit next to her. “Come and sit here,” she said tapping the empty couch space next to her. All this time, our eyes were glued to each other, as I tried to read her response. I sat next to her still meeting her gaze. She sat upright, pulling her dress nearer her knees, I noticed, she had a peach-colored silk dress that she always wore on her good days. It was a present from my grandmother who had a good eye for artistic fabric. Grandmother was a clothes designer; she had a sense of style that made everyone love her designer outfits. She always bragged how she could dress anyone to be of novelty. Mama must have inherited this sense of style and fashion to add flavor. 

She began with a smile, “Gina, meet Charlie and Charlie meet my daughter, Gina.” We greeted one another by shaking our hands as a custom. “How wonderful it is to meet you miss Gina, he said with a dazzling smile. I couldn’t help but notice the striking resemblance. The way he touched the back of his ear when he was nervous. His hair was similar to mine, same color, chestnut, and texture, fuzzy yet soft. I quickly brushed off these thoughts. It was becoming awkward, so I excused myself so that I could get ready for dinner. As I stood up, I couldn’t shake his gaze from me and I could tell my Mama was beaming.  

Three weeks ago, my Miss Lorna, my English teacher had tasked us to prepare a family tree, and an essay on our father’s occupation ensued. I had really struggled with both assignments. Of course, this information reached my mother and to my amusement, she did not cause much fuss. Consequently, the events had aroused curiosity about my origin, specifically, the whereabouts of my father. 

Mama had no idea that while she was away in her office, I had cautiously gone through her dusty suitcase and found a black and white photo of her and a young seaman along the beach. Behind the photo was a name, Charles Jermaine Bair circled with a love noted. That same day, with the help of my nerd friend, Jake, we searched through the internet. We found him and obtained his address and occupation. Mama had been quiet about the whole ordeal so I had never thought she would have wanted me to meet him. 

I sat on my bed and kept seeing Mr. Charlie’s face. I put the pieces together and by the time Mama was meeting me in my bedroom. She didn’t have to say a word. The moment she came in I hugged her and started crying. “It’s fine”, as she patted my back to soothe me. “Mama is Mr. Charlie my father”, I asked with tears in my eyes. “yes, he is Gina. You have been searching for him. I have noted from your internet history. I thought it’s time for you to meet him,” she said. “You should shower and join us for dinner,” she added as she closed the door. 

Dinner was incredible, Charlie, whom I couldn’t bring myself to call dad, told us tantalizing stories about his navy escapades. As we dined together in the dining space and enjoyed my favorite meal rosemary chicken, jacket potatoes, and mushroom sauce. 

It was a happy time, mama was so glad, I had never heard her laugh so heartily. Mr. Charlie seemed to enjoy cajoling and making both of us smile. It seemed this was not a new thing; he was terribly charming. We couldn’t get enough of him. 

The night ended with the usual pleasantries as Mr. Charlie walked to his car and we stood outside the pouch. Just before he entered his car, he said,” Gina, would you come to visit me in Mauritius for the holiday”, he asked. I looked at my Mama, who was still beaming and shouted back. “Yes! Mr. Charlie,” I shouted happily. Before my Mama came back to herself. 

Two weeks to semester break, we received the invitation letter and traveled to Mauritius. The flight was rather uncomfortable I couldn’t keep calm, I was just so excited. We arrived at 2:12 pm, Mr. Charles picked us in his navy blue 1960 mustang. We had late lunch at his luxurious condo that had a breathtaking view of Le Morne Brabant. He ushered us into our rooms. As we walked up the stairs, I noticed the dark wooden staircase that had an intricate wavy rail design. The walls which were covered with an array of abstract paintings and naval photos brought out the character of the house. Our rooms were painted sky blue with a high ceiling with centered lighting for the enormous bed. The large open windows allowed the breeze to sweep the blue-grey sheer curtains. It had a balcony furnished with two seats and a table giving ample space to sit and view the surreal environment.  

The holiday was packed with daily fun activities from hiking to mountain climbing, dinners at the Kozy Le Morne hotel. One of the many activities included meeting Charlie’s family, for dinner one evening. While we sat around the well-lit dining area, Charlie told us of how he met Mama. He went on to narrate, “we met in Mombasa when Mama had come for a holiday in Mombasa. She had traveled with a few friends, to get away from the hustle and bustle of Nairobi's daily office work. It is here that we met at the hotel Castle Maria back in October 1992. At the time, I was serving as the Sergeant in the USA navy force along the East African coastline. It was love at first sight. We dated for about a year. However, in October 1993, when the US black hawk went down, the US government evacuated all the forces along the Indian coastline. We never saw each other again. I had left her, 6 months pregnant with Gina. The mood suddenly became such a drag. I could tell his immediate blended family didn’t approve of this. The evening ended with his parents walking out of the dinner, followed by his siblings.

The following morning, I found Mama and Mr. Charlie in the kitchen having breakfast, they both seemed to be in a rush. As soon as my dad saw me, he said:” Good morning Gina.” “Morning Charlie” I responded exhaling deeply. I sat next to him and noticed the two suitcases near the main door. “Are we leaving already?” I asked with a bewildered face. They both looked nervous at me. Mama quickly came and sat beside me signaling Charlie to give us some space. As soon as he left. She started” honey! Charlie had a big fight with his parents last night when you went to bed. They do not want anything to do with you or me. I know this is sad because you wanted to be part of a family, but we will do all right. We always have”. 

It was sad that the desire of meeting my family that I had recently acquired was crushed in a splitting second. I had finally thought that I would be part of a family. Things didn’t turn out as I had expected. Besides the mood, the pain was unbearable. “I should have even come to this place, I muttered to myself. We left for home on the same day and never heard from Charlie again.