The Lonely Heart

"Solitude is the true companion of humans"

Everyone ignores the sound of fire. Its bright color distracts people from hearing the deepest sounds hidden inside its womb. Ganga wonders what everyone is seeing right now in the fire that is burning in front of her. Probably no one is bothered with fire but thinking about their life issues.

In her case, she was always fascinated by the sound of fire. She was used to being different as she never confirmed to the ideals of others. The headstrong woman was Looking directly at her husband's pyre without batting an eye. Mahabaleshwara, Her life partner of 40 years' demise did not bring a drop of tear from her eyes. The person with whom she was married off at the tender age of 15 failed to move her heart despite his consideration. The person who was loved and feared equally by everyone in the village. The headman who commanded attention and respect, but gave attention and respect to her in the seclusion of their home, was now gone.

Oh! Yes, considerate he was. Their loveless marriage was based purely on it. And His family? It was a different story. No one desired for a women whose desire to work in the field out weighted desire to cook in the kitchen, who doesn't listen to her husband, talks back to the village's men, as daughter-in-law (or even daughter or a friend). The woman wants to lead rather than follow. For them she was a disgrace to the women race.

Ganga was engrossed in the fire that she lost track of her surroundings. She only realized that the funeral was over when she heard the voices of people over the sound of fire. Everyone had their own version on Ganga's lack of emotion during pyre. For Vishalakshi, her sister-in-law it was her happiness over her husband's death, for other women of the village it was her "innate lack of being a women".

To the dismay of her (husband's) family, the following 14 days of mourning did not change her. She was the same stoic women who ordered around the house for other's to perform the task. They were fed up of serving her whims and wishes. The only reason they tolerated her till now was due to Mahabaleshwara. His consideration, that had slowly but surely turned into obsession, for her had tied their hands on the matter. Now that he was gone from the world, they were free to get rid of her.

This issue had gone out of the borders of their home and had become a concern of the entire village. The new rumor of her being the future headman (or should it be called Head-Women?) was enough to ensure this. Everyone wanted to have a word into the discussion. These small meetings grew out of proportion. A meeting was held to resolve this ongoing issue.

Ganga was aware of some rumors about her behavior. However, she was not ready to be called for a meeting discussing her future in the village. The same village assembly that was once headed by her husband who revered the path she walked on was now pointing fingers at her. Demanding her removal from the village was an absurd thought for her. People thought otherwise. For them it was the most logical outcome to this issue. Ban the women from the village, and you won't have to tolerate her. She won't lead you.

Her voice was now unheard without her husband's support. Cruelty of the reality hits when you face it head on. She had no other option than to accept the small 'compensation' that they had offered. Compensation given out of respect to old headman, they said. She had to leave her house, with her basic possessions. She can live in the cottage that her husband loved to take her, if she wanted to. Of course she took this offer as she had no idea of world apart from this village. A 15 year old girl who had come to this village had no way of knowing the world beyond her village.

*****

The life in cottage was both most amazing and most horrible experience of her life. The cottage was situated right in the middle of nowhere. Calling it a grove would be wrong. It was a forest with trees so tall that even the sun hid behind the huge leaves. It peaked out of its hiding once in a while to flicker its rays on the mortal world. The roaring of water from nearby waterfall was all that was audible from her cottage. No human could be seen or heard. It was safe to say that coming across anyone from the village was close to impossible.

For the first few days she engaged in various activities to sustain herself. Survival meant fulfilling basic needs. The cottage had all the necessary things apart from food. To fill her stomach, Ganga planted few grains that she had brought along with her. Cultivation was not a new concept to her. Due to this knowledge she also knew that it takes time to harvest. In the meantime, nature was her provider as it gave her food in the form of fruits and nuts.

Nature, that gave her livelihood, also had a soothing effect on her. The chirping of birds, sweet nectar from fruits was calming. Nevertheless, isolation from human contact was driving her crazy. The person who enjoyed being in the middle of people be it for commanding workers to work hard or nagging ladies in kitchen to cook properly, she was always in the center. Being with people, surrounded by them was a part of her life. Nature, for all its worth, did not offer her an ear to listen. Did not communicate to her in any form.

In her desperation for social contact, she had nurtured a wandering cat. The cat was her sole audience when she vented about her in-laws, about the people of the village who were the cause of her current condition.

Though the cat was a good listener it did not fulfill her thirst for having contact with people. As the saying goes, 'Empty mind is a devil's workshop'. Now that she is free from the responsibility of running the house, she had time to think about various things. Wondering about the incidents that took place across her life, on what if's became common. Without any companion she wondered if her husband felt the same. The same husband who was surrounded by people had once admitted how he longed for her to acknowledge his presence. Who wanted affection from her. She wondered if he longed for her in his last days. 

Loneliness that she felt during this time was slowly killing her. In the seclusion of the groove, she was the only person. No one to idolize her like her husband. No one to blame her like her in-laws. No one to quarrel with her like the workers. The peace of nature was eerily calm. So calm and quiet that it scared her. This calmness also highlighted the fact that she was no longer the center of attraction. Everything that she had longed for such a long time, everything that she earned for was useless now. No one could see her, no one will remember her. She was just another piece of the puzzle that would be thrown out of people's memory when the time comes.

What made this thought more frightening was her husband. The person revered by everyone was no longer talked about. It was as if people forgot about him. Moving on with their daily life was more important than talking about the former headman all the time. If such a respected and known person could be forgotten than what about her?

Of course she would be forgotten she though with a sneer. Oddly she was fine with it. The more she thought about it, the less painful it became. This epiphany did not hurt her as much as it a while ago.

Thinking of how her body will be discarded in the grove with her cat being the only witness to her demise did not frighten her anymore. If anything, the thought brought a smile on her face. The smile, unlike her usual smirk was that of fortitude. Acceptance. Peace. Finally she had made peace with her constant desire to be seen and heard. Her eyes were closed before she realized.  

For solitude was her only companion.