Two hearts, one home

Henry has struggled with anxiety and panic attacks all his life. As a child, he never dared to question the source of his episodes – in all honesty, he used to think those overwhelming feelings that would hit him almost everyday were something that every human being was meant to experience. Whenever six year old Henry sensed an episode coming, he'd run up to his mother's embrace so she could calm him down just by the sound of her voice continuously whispering "deep breaths, Henny. I’m here, I won’t go anywhere."

Henry's mother passed away during his freshman year in college. After getting the tragic news, he experienced the beginning of a downward spiral that only worsened his anxiety and led him through a dark road. Henry completely changed his lifestyle and adopted a rather crazy routine that consisted of partying every weekend, getting drunk out of his mind and smoking two packs of cigarettes a day – the only medicine that seemed to work against his denial, grief and anxiety.

The walls he'd built to protect himself from being hurt were so high up that no one has ever dared to tear them down. Henry didn’t even realize his insecurities pushed people away. The friends he managed to make in college were his support but other than that, he could only count on himself. He hated the idea of getting attached to someone only for them to leave him eventually. His fear of love was irrational but understandable; if his expectations were low, a possible heartbreak would hurt less.

Two months after turning twenty-one, Henry graduated. By that time, his panic attacks were still frequent, even though he had stopped going to parties and only smoked and drank occasionally. He eventually made an effort to pull himself together, realizing that if his mother was still alive, she would've hated the direction his future was taking. He got used to being alone, the sudden loss forcing him to face life on his own.

At twenty-three years old, Henry attended his first wedding. Dominic, his best friend from college, had finally asked his high school sweetheart, Mia, to marry him and the invitation for Henry to be his best man didn't come as a surprise. He treasured Dom's friendship and was forever grateful to have in him the brother he never had, even if that meant being forced to wear a suit and tie and be nice to strangers for a whole day.

Henry wasn't very happy about the wedding theme being The Universe and the color scheme blue. He hated blue and the universe had never treated him kindly. But Dom and Mia didn't deserve to be bothered with his bratty attitude on the best day of their lives so he just accepted his faith and decided to buy a space grey tie and pocket square to match his black attire.

When the big day arrived, Henry stood by Dom's side at the altar, calming him down and fixing his bow before leaving in a hurry so he could pair the four bridesmaids with the three groomsmen. Henry's nervousness had him writing down their names so he wouldn't mess everything up.

"Okay so, hm," He paused for a second to look at the small paper in his hand. "Jason with Marie and Lia." He watched them align slowly in front of him. "Mark with Kate and James with Willow."

Since he'd be walking with Grace, the maid of honor and Mia's sister, they both led the way down the aisle as the others followed shortly, gently stepping on the white rose petals and making their way to the front chairs. Henry's hands were shaky and sweaty, his heart was beating too fast and his first thought was to loosen the tie around his neck for some relief but that option was off the table.

As much as he wanted to be proud of himself for not breaking down due to all the pressure his role required, Henry's biggest fear was having an anxiety attack in front of one hundred people and ruining his best friend's day. He usually only allowed his worst episodes to get the best of him at night, normally being able to control his attacks during the day. Right now, he needed a distraction. Fast.

He will never forget the first time he laid eyes on Willow. Henry hadn't paid much attention to anyone due to his previous intrusive thoughts but when he allowed himself to scan the small venue, there she was. Dressed in a long carolina blue dress, a small bouquet of dry flowers in her hand and a huge smile on her face. Her smile lit up the room. She was casually talking to James and Marie and he found himself staring at them for too long, wondering what she could be saying that kept them so entertained. She was also distracting him without even noticing.

Willow had a bright personality and a kind soul, her aura and positivity having the ability to make anyone feel comfortable and at ease. Her friends called her a social butterfly but Willow didn't really like being the center of attention. Even though her actions portrayed her as an extroverted, she valued her privacy and personal space too much. Mia's wedding certainly was the highlight of Willow's year, the gathering being the only motivation to keep herself sane enough to handle the stressful matters at her job.

By the time Dom and Mia left the altar as newlyweds, the entire venue was shedding tears. The guests made their way towards the couple to congratulate them, leaving an emotional Willow behind. Trying to compose herself to avoid the black mascara from staining her face, she was surprised by Henry approaching her slowly, a tissue in his hand. His eyes were only focused on the smile that instantly spread across her face.

"If those two ever break up, I will never believe in love again." Willow admitted while whipping a tear, her voice coming out a bit shaky.

Henry played with his fingers to avoid close eye contact, knowing she was probably expecting him to say something. "I hope they don't, divorces are a pain in the ass." Oh my god Henry, why would you say that? "I'm Henry, by the way. Dom's best friend."

When Willow laughed at his dorky response, he felt his shoulders relax.

"Willow, Mia's favorite cousin." She joked, grabbing his hand and leading them towards the tent. "Let's go, I want a picture with the love birds." Henry let out a smile and flinched at her touch, noticing a feeling of warmth spreading through his body.

Two months after the wedding, Henry finally took Willow out on their first official date. After spending over sixty days talking non-stop through text messages, calls or quick coffee breaks between work, their bond quickly grew into something more – Willow's free spirit brought Henry the calm he had barely experienced up until then. What Henry didn't know was that his intelligence, sweetness and silly jokes had already made their way into Willow's heart as well.

That day, Henry and Willow went on a picnic by the lake. Henry had learnt that she loved being close to the water and despite the gloomy sky, he knew it wouldn't rain. Henry made sure to bring a few extra blankets in case Willow got cold and a copy of her favorite book, Pride and Prejudice. After eating, they both laid down on the grass, Henry’s back pressed against a tree while Willow placed her body between his legs and her head on his chest. He set his forearm on her shoulder for some support, the book in his hand as he read for her.

"From the very beginning — from the first moment, I may almost say — of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike."

Willow felt Henry smile as he read the words and lift her head to look at him. "What?"

"It's funny because I felt the complete opposite when I first met you. It's so easy to like you." He admitted and Willow's heart fluttered at his confession.

"It's easy to like me, huh? My friends were all over you as soon as I introduced you to them at the wedding." She playfully narrowed her eyes. "You're pretty amazing, give yourself some credit."

Henry set the book to the ground and reached his hand to Willow's hair, tucking a strand of blonde behind her ear and never taking his eyes off of her. He had officially let Willow tear down his walls, make her way into his heart and claim it hers. Despite still feeling scared of not being good enough, he pushed the thought aside and decided he'd deal with that as time went by.

"I really want to kiss you right now." Henry muttered, hoping Willow would hear him as his fingers traced her bottom lip. She could feel his heart pounding in his chest and shifted her body to sit comfortably on his lap.

"Nothing is stopping you." Willow whispered back, her hand grasping the back of his neck.

Willow and Henry had been dating for eight months now. As soon as they started dating, Henry told Willow about his anxiety and how things sometimes could get ugly and out of his control. Once in a while, he would still wake up heavily breathing, trembling or sweating, getting out of bed for a bit to take some deep breaths.

Everytime Willow noticed him shifting beside her, she would reach for his body, wrap her arms tightly around him and pull his head to the crook of her neck while running her fingers through his hair. That seemed to work because Henry’s breathing would calm down after a few minutes. Henry slowly became comfortable about having Willow staying the night at his apartment when he noticed that her presence has helped him control his episodes. Until one night.

Henry was woken up by his erratic heartbeat and uneven breathing. A thin layer of sweat covered his forehead as he pressed one hand to his chest and kept the other one on the bed, supporting his body as he stared blankly at the wall, noticing the sun was about to rise. When Henry realized the attack was going to be more stronger than what he anticipated, he stormed out of bed and rushed to the living room, dropped his body to the ground and hug his knees to his chest. Willow was startled by the sound of his loud sobs and immediately ran out of bed to find him.

“Hen, baby.” She scream-whispered, rushing towards him. She kneeled in front of him, taking his hands off his face and holding them with hers.

“No, no, no.” Henry’s eyes were red and swollen from crying, his chest rising at a fast pace. “Go away Willow, I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“I’m here Henry, you’re safe. I’m not going anywhere.” She assured him, her heart aching at the pain he was feeling. With a sudden movement, Henry jerked away from Willow’s touch and gripped his face again. “Don’t say that!” He raised his voice, making Willow widen her eyes in surprise.

“Don’t say you won’t leave. People always leave, they always leave.” Henry’s voice wasn’t loud but there was heavy pain in every word he said.

“Your mom didn’t leave you by choice.” Willow muttered, not because she was scared of him but because she knew how much of a ticking bomb a panic attack was.

“She didn’t but you can. Please leave, Willow.” He got up, his legs as weak as his mind. “I don’t want you here. You don’t deserve this, my burden is not yours to carry.”

Henry was heavily breathing, his whole body shaky and tingly at the same time. His head was dizzy and his hands were numb. He was holding back the urge to break something in order to release some anger and pain.

“I hope you don’t forget I didn’t choose to go.” Willow said between quiet sobs, her head spinning and her heart shattered into million pieces. As much as it hurt to leave, she knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. At least not now.

Accepting her faith, she made her way to Henry’s bedroom and quickly got dressed, slipping into her shoes as she entered the living room again. Henry was frenetically pacing around the couch, wondering if his heart was aching due to the panic attack or because he had just forced the love of his life to leave him against her will.

“I just wish you saw yourself the way I see you.” Please tell me to stay, please please please. When he lifted his head and their eyes met, his expression was almost blank. “Goodbye Henry, I love you.”

“I love you so much it hurts, Willow. I'm sorry for not being good enough, I'm sorry for being selfish” he wanted to say. But nothing came out.

It's been six months since Willow and Henry had broken up. No, it had been six months since Henry’s fears and insecurities cost him Willow’s love. He still saw her around town and the pain was almost unbearable, knowing he couldn’t run up to her, pick her up in his arms and kiss her. He knew letting her go was a mistake but, once again, his anxiety often led him to make the worst decisions. He wasn’t a teenager anymore and it’s not like he chose to jeopardize his future to party all weekend, this was his future and he still wanted Willow to be a part of it. The thing is: she looked happy and wouldn’t probably forgive him, maybe she’s moved on already.

Willow’s birthday came up a week later. Mia was throwing her a party, justifying her idea by saying that turning twenty-five was a big deal. To be honest, Willow had barely survived the last six months without breaking down. It seemed like she was always happy, a smile on her face, the same energetic and bubbly personality everyone was familiar with but that was far from being true. The mask she put on everyday fell as soon as she got home and locked eyes with the framed selfie of her and Henry that stood on her vanity desk.

“I don’t feel like going, Mia.” Willow complained into the phone, looking at the black dress carefully placed in her bed.

“You better hurry up, Willow Grace. We’re all waiting for you.” Mia hung up the phone before saying a quick ‘love you’ and Willow dragged her feet to the bathroom to fix her hair a bit before slipping into the dress.

The weather was chilly for a September night so she went back to her room and picked up a jacket. Sighing, Willow grabbed her purse, phone and keys before heading out the door. All the items in her hand dropped to the floor when her body slammed against something. No, someone. Henry. There he was, his hair longer and curlier since the last time she’d seen him, dark circles under his eyes and a faint smile on his face. Willow froze at the sight, her heart skipping a beat.

“Hi.” He greeted quietly. “Happy birthday.”

She quickly grabbed her things off the floor and shoved them inside the bag. “H-hi. Thank you.”

It was like nothing had happened, except that it did. The feelings were still there, they've missed each other, Henry knows he messed up by letting her go and Willow hated how fast she would take him back if he asked her to. She knew he did it because he is too scared of getting attached and being left heartbroken when people eventually left but he should've known better. She would never leave him over something he couldn't control. He needed to open up his heart for her.

“I know you probably don’t want to see me but I brought you a present.” He looked down at the small box in his hands. “I bought it as an impulse because it reminded me of you but then I realized we weren’t together anymore.” He hesitated, his voice cracking at the end.

Henry handed her the box and Willow’s fingers traced the small blue bow.

“I thought you hated blue.” She said, furrowing her brows.

“It became my favorite since I saw you wearing that carolina blue dress.” He shyly admitted, looking deep into her eyes.

The fact that he remembered the specific shade of blue she was wearing at the wedding made her cheeks warm up. Opening the box, the first thing she saw was a golden necklace with a navy blue pendant. A sun, a star and a moon. She didn’t bother to hide a genuine smile.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted to give you – the sun, the stars and the moon.” Henry confessed, his eyes starting to water. “Since I messed up, now I can only hope someone else gives you what I wasn’t able to.”

Both Henry and Willow knew something about love – when you meet the right person, they become timeless. They make you want to fight harder for what you believe in and they bring out the best in yourself. It doesn’t matter how much time it takes. That’s why second chances aren’t for the weak. Second chances are for those who believe home is, sometimes, a person.

Willow handed Henry the necklace and pushed her hair to the side. As he put the small chain around her neck, his fingers traced her skin and Henry knew she was home. She felt it too.

“The Universe sent you to save me from myself, Willow.”