Never Alone

Do you believe in love at first sight? A corny pickup line or a deep searing question? Most people don’t know if the really do believe. They take a long, hard look at their partner and whisper a ‘yes’ dripping with honey. Do they really believe themselves though? Was it really first sight? I always had an answer though, an answer I really believed in.

Yes

I remember the day, the hour, the minute. I recall every detail of the surroundings and how he looked. The smell of the cinnamon in the air which was full of dust mites spinning in the beam of cold winter sunlight. He was stood at the counter of this quintessential New York bakery. I heard his order carry from his lips to the cashier. The soft words formed perfectly, he looked perfectly at ease leant slightly against the oak. 

He didn’t see me at first as his back was to the rest of the bakery and I was sat discreetly tucked away in the corner. The feeling in my chest grew and told me that this was it. What they had talked about in the love stories and fairytales, this was love at first sight. He left carrying his paper bag but the feeling still remained. I watched him disappear from sight, enveloped by the crowd. I sat still while the storm of emotions raged inside me. I felt that I had missed out on an opportunity of a lifetime by my inability to leap to action. He has walked out of my life and I was powerless to stop it. But no, I would not be a passenger in my own life  and so I decided to do something about it. I would find this man and I would tell him all of these things that were floating around my head. 

Each day I returned to the bakery, desperate to see him. I bought a laptop and a notebook to hide my real quest. The quest for true love. I bought coffee after coffee, excusing my presence there. I didn’t want others to know I was searching for him in case they tried to get there before me. I saw each person as a potential roadblock on the path to true love. I waited for four days before he reappeared. Yet again he didn’t notice me but I was not fazed. The path to true love never did run smooth. He had obviously not truly looked at me for if he had our hearts would have beat in unison. Upon seeing him again, my chest filled with a warmth the likes of which I had never felt before. As he picked up his order from the countertop I knew that I had to make some kind of move. Once I made him notice me I knee that he would fall for me as I had for him. I leapt from my seat and moved towards the door. I had decided that just outside the bakery would be the best place for it. Classically romantic, I would bump into him and so it would begin. A lifelong romance. I had it all planned out in my head, I just had to make it happen. Just outside the door I pretended to check my phone and as I sensed him behind me, I turned and collided with him. We came together with more force than I expected and my chest slammed into his cup of coffee. The scalding liquid carved unto my skin but I was oblivious, the stakes were too high. He apologised profusely and thrust a wad of napkins into my hand. He continued to ask for forgiveness as I wiped myself down and smiled up at him. I placated him and looked at him with a calm expression on my face. Meanwhile, my brain swam scanning his face in an attempt to determine his true feelings. I tried to convey a depth of feeling with my eyes to make him know my true passions. He offered me a piece of paper onto which he had hastily scribbled his phone number so that he could lay for my dry cleaning whenever I had it done. I decided that this was enough for now and smiled warmly and we parted ways. 

That was it. I had his phone number and that meant that he was no longer just a face in a crowd. It was my lifeline to him and whenever I wanted I could pull on it to find him. His life was entwined with mine now in some small way and my heart once again grew warm. I had lingered briefly on that street corner contemplating what fate had laid in my lap. 

I left it a for a few days, playing the game. I knew how fate had us destined for each other so there was no rush. One evening, I poured myself a glass of wine and settled down on my sofa. I casually plugged in the numbers and listened to the musical tones as it dialled. I prepared to hear his dusky voice tremor down the phone line and considered my witty opening remarks. The phone clicked and I held my breath. A voice questioned “Hello?”.

A voice.

A woman’s voice.

My heart collapsed in on itself and her voice rang heavy in my ear. Eventually she hung up but still I held the phone to my head. As the shocked faded, the disappointment slowly morphed into something more sinister. Anger. It was clear that the two of them were trying to test fate. How dare she get in the way of true love. And how dare he try to divert the course that was planned for him. They were playing with things they didn’t understand and they were trying to destroy pure love. My mind kept coming back to the one phase.

How dare they.

I planned my next move carefully. I followed him home one day from the bakery. He only lived a block away which explained why he was in there so often. He didn’t notice me following hi and even held the door open for me to let me into the building. He had obviously forgotten our first meeting. I left with his building and apartment numbers safely locked away in my head. Once I had this information, I was able to bide my time until the strange phone call faded into obscurity. Two weeks I waited before making any move but this time did nothing to quench the love and the anger that dwelled within my heart. I knew that he was still my soul mate but it seemed he needed reminding of this. 

One cold night I decided that the time was right. I carefully dressed in my nicest clothes, pulled on a heavy overcoat and scary to ward off the cold and set off on the short journey. I waited outside the building until someone headed out and I could slip into the warmth. Waiting for the elevator, the love in my heart grew as I knew I was nearing him. I smiled for I knew that true love had won. Travelling upwards, I felt that I was heading for my destiny. Ready to reclaim my life, I reached his floor and padded down the carpeted hallways to his apartment door. I steadied myself and knocked, ready for whatever might come. The woman answered the door and I felt the mixture of love and anger flood through my veins. She looked confused but attempted to hold a pleasant smile on her face. I knew what I had to do and I was not afraid to do it. Fate had led me here and I was not to fight my destiny. I looked up at the woman and stared into her eyes. It seemed to me that fear spread through them as she came to terms with some interior truth. I pushed her back into the apartment and kicked the door shut behind me.

So whenever people ask me if I believe in love at first sight, I always have an answer ready. No lying and no hesitating. Love at first sight is decided by fate and no mortal should question that. My destiny bought my together with the man that I love and he has bought me happiness. At first sight I knew that he was mine and I am never alone now.