Her Legacy, Her Fame

She'd waited her whole life for this moment. It was all leading up to this. She'd prepared for months that felt like years. And as she slipped into her gown, one leg after another, a wave of panic showered over her. Outside her dressing room door, she heard a knock. "Renee? 10 minutes to showtime."

The actress nodded, although she knew he couldn't see her. "Okay, thank you."

Her fingers twitched as her brain raced. She should be doing something. But what? Singing? No, she had to rest her voice. No, no. She would go over her lines. She walked hurriedly to the corner of the room, where her line packet was placed on the floor. She flipped through it, her hands shaking with every turn of the page.

"5 minutes!" She heard someone exclaim. She flipped through faster, sweat beading her forehead. She hastily wiped it away and set the packet back down in its spot. It was no use. There was no way she'd be able to concentrate on her lines. Renee didn't know why she was so jittery. She'd done this every night since last week. But even then, her nerves never seemed to calm. In fact, they built higher inside her. All her fears and worries were out on that stage. And it wasn't irrational. Just the slip of a heel, singing even a little too slow, and she could ruin the whole production. She couldn't have that on her conscience. Not after she'd worked so hard to do the exact opposite. Not after she'd given up dinner with her family to study. Or skipped lunch dates with her friends to sing.

She sat down at her vanity, and it greeted her with glowing bulbs of light. She looked into one until black spots dotted her vision, and she knew she had to look away. Just practicing for the spotlight to shine directly on her face. Just practicing the feeling of being naked, for the whole world to see. She took a deep breath. "You can do this." She muttered, placing her head in between her hands.

She knew she couldn't dwell too long--she had a role to perform. She stood up from her sorrow and walked anxiously to the door, her heart hammering harder with every step. "You can do this."

Backstage, stagehands ran back and forth getting everything into preparation. They were the real stars of the show. Their hard work was always so admirable to Renee. But she couldn't worry about it much longer. She had to prepare. She walked past a group of background singers standing in a circle. It sounded like they were going over their parts. They sounded so heavenly, Renee stopped for a moment to listen. When they noticed her there, they smiled at her. "Good luck Renee! Break a leg!" One said. Her heartbeat fast at the "break a leg" part, but she knew it was just an omen of good luck. She plastered on a smile and hurried past. A makeup artist practically collapsed as she ran to her. "Oh, hi-"

Her greeting was cut off by a brush being swept across her face. The makeup artist added a touch of gold around Renee's eyelids. When she was done with her touch up, she hurried past her, looking for someone else to attack. Renee approached her castmate who played her love opposite and slipped her hand into his. Together, they walked to the front of the curtain and separated, taking their respective places. With a glance back at him, ease flooded her. He smiled brightly back at her, then turned to face the curtain again.

"You can do this."

She wrung her wrists in her hands as she heard the sounds of ropes being pulled and suspending, a clear sign that showtime was to soon commence. Light pooled her feet as the curtain slowly rose.

"You can do this."

The curtain lifted and she looked out into the dark audience. She felt vulnerable, exposed. Her hands guided their way to her sides, and it was as if time had stopped. She walked out into the center of the stage, barely seeing the clapping of hands from the applause she was being given. She heard nothing. Her ears popped. No one was there but her and the music. Her footsteps echoed noisily in her ears. She'd waited her whole life for this moment. It was all leading up to this. She'd prepared for months that felt like years. Long, late nights up with her co-stars, going over lines and songs. Months of therapy to help suppress her anxiety. The stadium was large, with a huge ceiling and plenty of seats. She saw her family in the crowd. Her mother, father. Her two little brothers, Jose and Javier. Her Abuelita quietly bantering with her Abuelo. Her best friend was the only quiet member of her family, and even in the darkness, she was two thumbs go up in support, along with a cheeky smile. Renee gave her a small smile back, hoping she'd noticed. It seemed she had because she nodded. She listened as the crowd settled into their seats, waiting for her to begin.

Suddenly she was 5 years old again, singing Hamilton in her bathroom mirror. Even then she'd know that she was born to be a star. She never let up. She was determined to hold on to her dream, like her great, great Abuelita Rose, who'd dropped out of high school to become a fashion designer. Like her Aunt Maria, who'd given up love in Mexico to a good life for her family in America. Renee had waited months for the opportunity to see this very crowd. Families big and small, traveling all across the world just to see her. She felt so big. She felt so strong. she'd spent her days barely sleeping for the fear that she might forget her lines overnight, or forget the dance sequence.

It was all leading up to this moment.

The music started and she began to sing.