A Matter Of Choice

Mandy stood in the kitchen trying to decide whether to have toast or cornflakes for breakfast, then thought it made more sense to first hang out the wash she had done last evening. The more sun and wind it got the better, although there was a likelihood of rain later, so perhaps she would wait until she returned from her part time job at the print shop. She enjoyed her job. People just put their items in the copier and she made as many copies as they required, then handed them back their master copy .....nothing to decide, no choices to make....if only life was like that .

Having decided on porridge, Mandy had prepared and eaten it, then it was time to get dressed for work. The blue dress with the white jacket or the white dress with the blue jacket ? Of course she could always wear the blue dress with the blue jacket, but that could look a bit plain......perhaps all white would be good,provided it didn't get grubby. Elaine said that she should wear all black, then she would not need to worry about what to wear every morning, as everything would go together, but she had no wish to appear a Goth ! In any case, she loved colour; it was just knowing what to wear with what....and when ! She had taken Elaine's advice about buying all black handbags and shoes. Now, high heels or flats ? If she walked to work the flats would be best, but if she went on the bus she could wear the new heels. They did look good. O.K. so the bus it would be ! Phil liked heels and complimented her when she wore them. He was very good looking and could charm the birds from the trees. Gary wasn't at all like that, much more reserved and shy, but very sweet. Did she want sweet or dangerous ? Would Phil be more sweet if she got to know him better, or just more dangerous ? Maybe Gary..... oh, it was all so difficult.

Mandy picked up her cheese and pickle sandwich. She had decided some time ago that cheese and pickle every day was better than choosing between several alternatives. Elaine, always helpful, had suggested making a list of a different lunch for every day of the week and sticking it on the 'fridge as a daily guide. It sounded the perfect solution, until it came to deciding on five alternatives and fixing which day she would have which type of lunch. No. Cheese and pickles was the way to go.

Every afternoon she had to attend her course. Accountancy. She was doing well and enjoying it. It seemed to be the perfect answer. A career, an activity where to plus two equalled four without the choice of three or five. Of course, once she had qualified it would be necessary to decide on the direction she wished to go with her career. Civil Service, working for a company or joining a group practice or, well that was already a rather daunting prospect. Her father had always joked that he never feared that she would commit suicide, because by the time she decided upon a method, the mood would have passed.

Jonathan was a fellow student and he had asked her out for tomorrow evening. He had said that he had two tickets for the theatre and he would pick her up at 6.30.p.m. It had been easy to say ''Yes''. She had been on a date with Jonathan before and she knew what his thoughts were. He would not present her with any decisions, and and that was good in so many ways. She could relax and allow him to order dinner for her, to buy her a drink and simply hand it to her. The choice of film or show was already made and she could just coast along. However, a niggling little voice inside her head was saying ''I might have preferred sole to steak, I might have wanted white wine instead of red, and I might have fancied a romantic comedy instead of a thriller.'' Her imagination took a huge leap and she saw herself and Jonathan in a placid marriage, going to the movies and plays which Jonathan chose, spending vacations in locations which Jonathan had booked, raising the two children which Jonathan had felt made up the perfect family, and avoiding any poets because Jonathan thought them too much of a tie, She carried the thought through to the kitchen, which was stocked with the foods which were to his taste, and the garden would be planted with his favourite flowers. Hmm, she thought , if he liked tweeds and golf on the weekend , she would be wearing brown brogues and sensible cardigans while they entertained Jonathan's friends, never hers !

How did she get from two dates to a whole lifestyle in one easy move ? Well, it was because she had realized that she may hesitate over a decision, but she still wanted to be the one who made it. It was polling day , and she intended to vote on her way home. Oh, that meant walking in heels, but they weren't very high heels, perfectly okay if one wasn't in a hurry. She definitely intended to cast her vote and there was no dithering over which candidate she would choose. She knew what she believed in and which candidate was most likely to deliver. She suspected that most people whom she knew at work or in casual social situations did not appreciate that her indecision was not due to a lack of intelligence. She thought that she appeared to be an air head who fussed and floundered because she had mush for brains. That was just not true. Was she lacking in confidence as Elaine maintained ? Possibly, but at least she saw endless possibilities in life ! She had no intention of marrying the first man she met , as Elaine had done. Oh, Mandy thought, they might be very happy and she hoped they were., It was just that there was a big world out there, with different people, different places, and different things to see and hear and do; and once she had completed her studies she would spread her wings !

Phil was his usual charming self at work, flirting with Mandy, Carol,their supervisor, and all the female customers, It felt good but obviously didn't mean a thing. Gary brought her coffee at 10,30 and asked how her studies were going. He didn't really have much to add except to comment ''Good''. and shuffle off. The day was much like any other , and when she arrived home she checked what was on television. She could not decide whether to watch the featured film or the wildlife documentary. Perhaps one would be repeated or was available to download. She would check. It was a very pleasant evening, as far as the weather was concerned. It would be very nice to have something to do. Perhaps she could join a group or a club or something. There was dancing, which she thought might be fun, but should she try ballroom ? Hmm, no partner. Or Zumba, which would be very energetic and maybe fun, or how about Flamenco ? All that passion and posturing was a bit intimidating , but it would be rather wonderful. Then there was that advertisement which she had seen for a class in belly dancing.....no, she didn't think so ! On the other hand....

Mandy was feeling quite pleased with herself. She had signed up for the Flamenco dancing class before she lost her nerve, and now she was shopping for an exercise outfit, which she could wear to learn the basics. The flounced skirt and clicking-heeled shoes would come later. Her long dark hair would look good pulled back into a chignon., What would Jonathan think if he saw her ? She found that she didn't care what he thought.

One thing at a time Mandy told herself. First, the Flamenco, then pass the examination as an accountant, then focus on other goals and all the trivia of life would be relegated to insignificant side lines. She would earn and she would travel. If she had to resort to choosing where to go by tossing a coin or picking a card from a hat, well, so be kit. No one had to know. She would be the girl who did things. went p,laces and met people. Of that she had made up her mind.

ENDS.