Choices

We never wanted to come to this point. But it wasn’t a choice we had in the first place. We didn’t even know how it got to this point. All it ever was is finding love in a place we call home. “It’s been so long since we came back to this place. It brings so many memories,” Aliana said. Memories of those days played out in front of me like a movie. Children squealing and laughing as they play chase and climbing trees. And at the very top stood the remaining figure of our childhood.

“It certainly has. Little old Marilyn here has no snot on her face anymore.” I swatted Derek away from me as he laughed at the joke he made. Well, I wasn’t the most hygienic kid around but I have certainly grown out of it.

“And it’s nice to see you’ve grown balls from being a wimpy kid back then,” I said and hid behind Aliana. Aliana muttered kids, then climbed to the treehouse. It’s amazing to see that it has been kept clean and sturdy over the years. I followed her and Derek is right behind me. Up in the treehouse are the old things we kept in here. As far as I can remember, it’s all in the same place. The house is spotless clean, making me wonder who kept it clean.

“What’s taking Nate so long?” Aliana said. Derek and I both shrugged at her question. I’m not looking forward to seeing him again and I’m guessing he isn’t either. I don’t even know why I’m here in this treehouse reminiscing about the old days. Aliana suggested we all come and hang out together for old time’s sake when she learned we were all back home. Maybe I should’ve kept my sister from posting those photos from her birthday the other day so Aliana wouldn’t see it. But, it’s all too late now.

“He might be taking that new chick he’s with that’s why he’s late.” Aliana hit Derek in the head and shushed him while trying to discreetly look at me.

“It’s fine, Ali. I’ve known about it for a while now and I honestly don’t care.” I averted my eyes from them and looked at the pictures taped on the wall. It was the four of us. Smiling, playing, and being kids. I don’t know where it all went wrong. I don’t know why it came to this. I don’t know why I came from missing them to not wanting to see them.

“Well, the diva just arrived.” Derek and Aliana walked to the edge of the treehouse and welcomed Nate. I sat still on the floor and watched them. Aliana looked as if she’s expecting me to run towards Nate in tears and tell him that I love him. I’d be such a fool if I do that to the person who broke my heart without second thoughts.

“It’s not going to happen, Aliana,” I tell her. I admit that I haven’t moved on but I don’t care. I am trying to heal in my own way. Talking and interacting with him is not on my agenda today. I settled my eyes on my phone, aimlessly scrolling at my home screen.

“So, what’s her name again? I saw her tag you on Instagram. I can’t say it didn’t shock me. What happened, bro?” Derek asks. Aliana shut him up but he didn’t listen to her. I’ve known Derek since we were kids and I know he’s trying to rile me up. Similarly, he knows me too well and knows that I’m trying not to confront Nate. But as of right now, I don’t appreciate him and what he’s trying to do.

“I’ve known her for a while, actually. We met each other during my trip to Cambodia,” Nate said. That was a year ago. So, he has hidden her from me for a year. How sweet. I stood up and headed over to the stairs.

“Where are you going, Mari?” Aliana called out. I drowned out their voices and walked out. I don’t want to listen to her. I don’t want to listen to him. I’m almost in my car when huge, calloused hands gripped mine and turned me over towards him.

“What?” I yell. Derek glared at me, his teeth gritted and his grip on my hands tightened. “Let me go, Derek. I have better things to do and all of this is eating my time for nonsense.” I tugged my hand out from his but he only tightened his grip on me.

“I thought you were fearless, Mari. I thought you don’t take shit from other people then why are you running away? Are you going to let her take him away from you? I thought you knew him better than we do? This is cowardice, Mari. You’re disappointing me,” he said. He walks away from me and back into the treehouse. I stood frozen in my place with Aliana and Nate staring at me. He’s disappointed in me. Well, I’m also disappointed in myself. For letting a small heartbreak take over my life. I postponed important business meetings because I moped around with my broken heart. I ignored calls from my friends and family because I tended to my broken heart. Yes, I’ve become a coward. And all it took for me to be a coward was a heartbreak from my boyfriend for years. He was someone I didn’t expect to hurt me. I believed in his promise. I believed in his words. Because we were friends then. And then he proposed his love for me. I believed him. But he broke my heart. That left me trying to piece my heart back together at a snail’s pace.

“Mari,” Nate says.

“Don’t. I don’t want to talk to you. I’m too broken right now, Nate. The man I loved for years and years turned out to be a lying cheat. Don’t push me to say more.” I walked back to the treehouse. I may not be ecstatic to see and interact with Nate but I still cherish my friends. I can endure this one day of being with him for Derek and Aliana. “Derek, I’m sorry,” I said and hugged him. I still remember that day. The day Nate told me he loved me. I told Derek right away. We were closer then. Nate even got jealous over him a couple of times. It was Derek who told me to think over my decision about letting Nate have my heart. I couldn’t believe all his words would come true. We don’t know the future, Mari. What if he cheats on you? What will you do? I don’t want to see you heartbroken. And now, I am heartbroken. At the back of my mind, maybe I should’ve listened to Derek and never took that risk. Then, I wouldn’t be heartbroken now. And I wouldn’t have had the happiest years in my life. I can’t deny that Nate made most of my life happy. Even though at the very end, he turned out to be a cheating asshole. I broke our hug when Aliana and Nate entered the treehouse.

“Guys, what do you say we head over to that lake up ahead? It’s the perfect time. I’m getting too hot in these clothes,” Aliana said. Derek laughed, as well as Nate. Everyone agreed and we headed out. “Skinny dipping, anyone?” We weren’t awkward with seeing each other’s bodies. We grew up seeing each other clothed and nude. Even until we grew older. Derek and Nate stripped first and jumped into the lake. Aliana and I shook our heads and took off our clothes too. We joined the boys and enjoyed the afternoon sun. It was a pleasant afternoon that made me forget I was hurt and sad. It felt good, like the old days. And I’m laughing with Nate as if we didn’t break up in a bad way. “I wish we could go back to the old days,” Aliana said.

Everyone kept their mouths shut and watched the sunset instead. “But we can’t. All we can do is move forward and hope for the best. Do the best we can and what we think is right. Pain is temporary as long as you look forward to the future where you plan your happiness.” We let Nate’s words simmer in our heads. Derek swam back and wore his clothes.

“I guess it’s time to go back.” I held my hand out to Aliana and pulled her close to me. Her body racked against me and I caressed her hair. I found myself staring at Nate and him looking away not long after. Aliana continued to cry against me. No one uttered a word. Nate followed Derek back to land. Derek stood there looking at us. I don’t know how we came to this point. Why did we come to this? Aliana calmed down a little and we swam back to land. We arrived at the treehouse but the two boys continued on towards their cars. “Guys, are you leaving already? It’s still too early,” Aliana yells. I tore my gaze away from Nate and held Aliana’s hand tighter. They both walked back towards us and we climbed back to the treehouse. Aliana managed to encourage us to play truth or dare. It’s a bit childish but we don’t have a choice. We’ve been sitting around without a word going between the four of us. The bottle chose Derek for the first turn and Aliana gets to ask. He chose truth, making us scoff in mock. “When was the last time you had sex?”

All three of us looked at Aliana at such a bold question right off the bat. “Last night,” Derek said. Now, we’re even more shocked. Derek spun the bottle and it landed on me. Oh, great. I chose dare, not because I’m feeling bold but because I know that Derek has something worse for me if I chose truth. “Lick Nate’s abs up to his chest.” I couldn’t believe my ears at his words. This is just a game, I kept on chanting to my mind. I knelt before Nate and pushed his shirt up. I kept my eyes trained on him as I licked his abs up to his chest. My face is too close to his for my liking as I stand up.

I took my turn to spin the bottle and it landed on Aliana. I smirked at her but she only raised her brows at me. She chose dare and I laid my back against the wall. I’m gonna enjoy this. “Give Derek a lap dance for two minutes.” She stood up without second thoughts and straightened Derek’s legs. She sat on him and moved her hips sideways, rolled it, and humped against him. I was about to take it back but the two seemed to be enjoying it.

“Two minutes’ up,” Nate said. They didn’t hear us so I had no choice but to pull Aliana away. It almost looked like they were about to kiss. Were they planning on making a live show? Aliana spun the bottle and it landed on me again. It’s her turn to smirk at me and I don’t think I’m gonna enjoy this.

“I choose truth,” I said. Aliana lost her smirk and pouted at me instead.

“You’re no fun, Mari. Anyway, here’s my question. What do you want to say to Nate’s new girl?” I was about to open my mouth but she stopped me and turned to Nate. “Whatever is said here, shouldn't get out of here. Even if that someone is your girlfriend.” She looked at both Nate and Derek. The two nodded their heads. Aliana can be the sweetest girl but she can still bite if she wants to. She turned to me and smiled.

I shook my head at her. I don’t think Nate has the balls to tell his girl about what I’m going to say. “Who are you? How did you steal him from me? Was it fun? Was it exciting to fuck him behind my back?” I said all of those to his face. He lowered his gaze and inhaled deeply. I stood up and walked out. I needed the air to breathe. It was getting suffocating. I can hear him walking behind me.

“I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough, but for now, that’s all I can do,” he said. For now? Who is he kidding? He can’t do anything before, now, and someday in the future.

“Don’t shower me with your apologies, Nate, because honestly, I’m tired of hearing it. I don’t want it. Why? Because it won’t bring back what you stole from me. That’s my happiness and my heart. You broke my heart, Nate. And a sorry won’t cut it.” Yelling surrounded us. Aliana and Derek’s voice can be heard distinctly. I wonder what happened to those two.

“I know that, Mari. And if you only knew. I regret it. I regret everything from that trip. I know you hate me and I guess I deserved it. I really am sorry and it breaks me to see you like this. I can’t ask you to forgive me. But, I don’t want you to wither away because I hurt you.” He knelt in front of me and gathered his face in his hands. I have never seen Nate cry. Seeing him right now, opened a flood of different emotions.

I sat on the ground in front of him and stared into the distance. “What happened, Nate? I don’t want to believe any of this. We were happy, right? You loved me, right?” I asked. Nate stared at me and I can see my reflection shine in his eyes. He crawled towards me and hugged me tight. For the first time since I learned about him cheating on me, my tears fell endlessly.

“I never stopped loving you, Mari. You were the best thing that happened to me. The only constant in this difficult life. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Sally is no one to me. Yes, I met her on my trip to Cambodia. She was one of the guest speakers there. We talked here and there, then, the days went by with her always trying to talk to me. She got my phone number, my email address, and my home address. I don’t know how she did all that and I didn’t know how to tell you. Then, she told me all sorts of things. And when I told her to stop contacting me, she threatened me to contact you, saying she’ll tell you about how I forced her back in Cambodia. I didn’t want that. And I got sucked into her web of lies and threats, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I’ve informed her parents about her but they didn’t want anything to do with her. When you found out about her, I was waiting for the authorities to make their decision about the case I filed against her. They’re taking her to mental custody because it turns out that she has some problems. I was trying to contact you but I couldn’t reach you. It was lucky for me when Aliana invited me here and told me you were coming too. I’m so sorry, Mari. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I sobbed nonstop after I heard his words. I’m so sorry I judged him too soon. I never asked for his side of the story and jumped to the conclusion that he cheated on me. I hugged him tighter and kept saying sorry to his ears. He caressed my hair and planted kisses all over my face. He smiled at me while wiping my tears away. How did I get so lucky to find this man? How we came to this point now seemed like a blurred line to me. We headed back to the treehouse only hoping not to because of the live show going on.

“We’re heading off, guys. Enjoy the night!” I said but didn’t hear a reply from Aliana and Derek. We never wanted to come to this point. But we didn’t have a choice. All we can do is move forward and seize the time we have now. For everything that happens, happens for a reason. It might be unknown at first, but it will all be worth it in the end.