Perfect

My stomach knots into a tight ball of twisted barbed wire. I want to vomit. Summer, my best friend since second grade, practically skips back to our table from the restroom. “Can you believe it? I’m getting married!” Summer wiggles her left hand so that the light will catch the gorgeous diamond resting on her ring finger. “Let’s take a selfie!” she squeals. She pats her back pocket and searches her purse for her phone. Not locating it in any of the usual places, she resorts to searching underneath the table where she finds it under her chair. “Good grief, I’m so clumsy. At least the screen didn’t crack.” 

             I manage to muster a happy toothy smile that will soon find it’s way to a social media post near you. ‘He Put a Ring On It’ will likely be the caption. My friend Summer has never been accused of being original. 

After forcing down part of a salad and a diet coke, I find myself out on the sidewalk waiting for a cab. Faking a migraine has gotten me out of an evening of wedding planning which of course would have required me to be all giddy and excited over winning the coveted title of maid of honor. Don’t get me wrong. I want Summer to be happy, I really do. But all of our lives things have always fallen right into place for her. She had the perfect family in the perfect house, the perfect job, which of course gave her the perfect bank balance. Flawless skin, perfect hair, perfect body. She had the perfect prom dress (the one I saw it first and let her have) and the perfect prom date, who for the record had asked me first but I turned him down (because she would just die if she didn’t get to go with him), and had ended up settling for Billy Register who smelled like moth balls and cheese.  She now has the perfect man, who delivered the perfect proposal. And now, she will have the perfect wedding. And she deserves all of it. She has always been my very best friend, has always been my perfect friend and I love her to pieces.  I never had siblings and she is the closest I have.

Which is why Jason can’t find out what I know. And what I know is the reason why Summer found her phone on the floor instead of on the table where she had left it. The text that had flashed across the screen while she was in the bathroom divulged a secret that was nothing short of horrific in the world of love and matrimony. The one friend I have that I trust without question since the day we met has been lying to me. To everyone, including Jason, who is right now probably writing his vows. He must never find out. He would be devastated to know that the woman he loves has been sleeping with another man for months. Jason is my friend too, and I don’t want him hurt. What would my telling him accomplish? It would kill him to find out and it would kill her to lose him. And then of course I would lose my best friend for not keeping her secret. And he likely would ignore me because I’m close to her. So I have to do everything I can to make sure their relationship stays perfect. As long as I stay close when I can, tidying up slips of the tongues and sweeping any evidence under the proverbial rug.  I rest my head against the back of the cab seat and jump when my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I stupidly answer without checking the screen. 

“Hello?” I jerk upright at the sound of Jason’s voice in my ear. Not now. I can not do this right now.  “Hey, Jason.”

“Hey, Tina. Listen, I need your help. I’m sure Summer has told you by now. She said you two were having lunch today.”

Well of course she would tell me. I’m her best friend. “Yes, she did. I was going to call you later to congratulate you. What do you need help with?” He probably needs help writing his vows. I try my best to sound excited. 

“Thanks. I want to get Summer something special. I freaked out a little at first when she told me. I mean, we were going to have kids eventually anyway, I just didn’t expect it this soon. Anyway, I think I upset her so maybe I can make it up to her, you know?”

The driver’s blaring radio fades. The scenery out my window blurs. My heart pounds in my ears. A vise has found it’s way around my chest and squeezes tighter and tighter. I can’t breathe.  Again, I want to vomit. The phone slips from my hand and falls to the seat. From far away I can hear Jason's voice calling my name, but I’m powerless to respond. A baby. Summer is pregnant. And she didn’t tell me, her best friend. It is beginning to seem like I don’t know my friend as well as I thought. Well, she is going to have to talk to me. Face to face. I pick up my phone to call her and let her know that I can make it tonight after all. 

Now, sitting beside Summer on her sofa, we thumb through countless magazines searching for the perfect dress. Look at that. Another perfect. And we will find it. I always make it happen for her. “How about this one?” She points to one covered in lace. The back leaves nothing to the imagination, dipping so low I wonder how it didn’t reveal a crack line. The front is cut far below the breast line. How does she even keep that thing on her shoulders?

“Well, it’s pretty, but don’t you think it’s a bit revealing? And snug?” Subtle, I think. 

Eyeing me curiously, she flips the page. “I guess you’re right. Jason’s mom would have a stroke.”

             Wanting to rush this along, I say, “Why don’t you pick five of your favorites, and let’s choose from those. At this rate we’ll still be here next fall.”

             “You’re in a really snarky mood tonight. Does your head still hurt?” Snarky? What kind of word is that? Here she goes. I’m trying to be mad at her and she reminds me why I love her. 

             “Yeah, a little. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. I really want you to find the dress of your dreams.” 

             Looking at her watch for the umpteenth time, she says “We should quit for tonight. You go on home and get some rest, and we’ll get together again later this week.” Great. Not one word about a baby. Or why she has been keeping secrets from me. She obviously is trying to get rid of me, and I wonder if Jason is coming over. I can take a hint, so I leave, deciding I need to call Jason and apologize before he gets here. And somehow convince him not to tell Summer that he has spilled the beans. This best friend thing is exhausting. But I will do anything to see that she gets her happily ever after. It’s my job as her BFF.

             “Hey, Jason. Sorry about earlier. I was in a cab and the service really sucked. But, listen. Summer didn’t tell me about being pregnant. I don’t know why, maybe she wants it to be a surprise. Anyway, when you talk to her don’t say anything, okay? Let’s just pretend I don’t know. She has a lot going on right now.” He agrees and we say our goodbyes, but something still doesn’t feel right. I feel like there is something else Summer is hiding. I almost decide to go back in to confront her when I see a familiar car pull into a space in front of her building. Careful to keep hidden, I duck behind some hedges along the sidewalk.  Surely that isn’t his car, there must be hundreds exactly like it in this city. But then he passes under the light post and I catch a glimpse of his face, and the smile that spreads across it when she opens the door and throws herself into his arms. Their silhouettes through the curtain over the glass confirm that he isn’t there just to talk. And for the third time today, I nearly vomit. 

             Sinking to the cold ground, I tuck my knees under my chin and try to breathe. My best friend in the world has just ruined the best thing in my life. Our friendship. I have always given and given and given while she takes and takes and takes. I was prepared to do anything to protect her secret. To protect her future as the wife of the perfect man.  My first thought is to call Jason and tell him everything. But I don’t want him hurt. And Summer would be devastated. I don’t think I have it in me to hurt either of them. Then I think of the man inside. The man that I love and that was supposed to love me. Well, at least he loved me first. I know what I have to do. I pick up my phone and dial. When he answers, I want to blurt out that I love him. To tell him that I am so completely, perfectly, in love with him. Instead, I say, “Jason. About Summer’s baby…it looks like I'm going to have a little sister or brother after all.”