Silence From Above

I don’t believe in God. 

But there was a time when I said my prayers after waking up and before I went to sleep. For centuries, I believed, and every day I implored God for an answer. Only later did I realize his silence was all I would receive.

Very well. If there is no salvation for me, then why is there salvation for the humans? They have tainted everything you stood for. Their morals are nothing but a sham packaged in narcissistic sentimentality. Integrity is but a relic buried and lost within the darkness in their hearts. They waste their lives and spill their blood over the most trivial of matters and commit countless atrocities, all so they can purge themselves of their sins in honor of your name.  

Disgusting, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I am what they call a realist. I am the void that tears down their corrupted principles. I am the darkness that will back them to a corner with a cross in their palms and have them begging on their knees. I am the bitter truth that will shatter their world when they witness the abyss you left me in. They will curse everything that you embody, and thus you will understand. Only then will you answer.

The man walked under the pouring rain on the roads of a city. He couldn’t remember what they called it, but it meant nothing to him. It made no difference in the results. All he required was the scent of his next victim and follow it. Simple enough.

I take nothing from this work. Not pleasure or pride. My veins do not pulse with fervor when their soft pink flesh peels to the floor, nor does my mouth water at the sight of cascading blood. And yet I’ve killed and slaughtered, filled countless graveyards and destroyed innumerable families and friendships. What have you done in return? I still walk and breathe like the rest of them.

The streets were nearly barren. Few cars passed by as the lights from the local stores faintly flashed through the soaked windows. A man was lying down in the concrete, extending his hand to a lady in a black raincoat that passed by him. She only spared a glance and kept walking.

Another day, another face, another corpse. Is it all part of your glorious plan? Or perhaps you hide in fear of what I’ve become? Do you not see the blood that stains my soul? 

If you’re truly all-mighty and forgiving, then stop me, and it will all be over. Your creations will be safe from my grasp, and I will finally get the peace I deserve. They will be left to continue killing aimlessly among themselves.

He wandered across the city, with hardly the drizzle to disturb him. The scent had grown stronger.

Do something! I’ve chosen my next victim! Don’t you see her life arriving at its end? The shrieks that pierce the air as her soul ascends into the sky? Do you care so little about your creations? I’ve unjustly waited for centuries, filling my mind with the choir of screams as they fall to the floor. I’ve done my time believing. Now I want answers!

The man stopped in front of a condominium. He remained outside for a few moments, lingering to see what would happen next. A streak of lightning thundered across the sky, and the clouds cried harder. He unclenched his fists and eased his shoulders and stepped inside.

What have I done to deserve this? I was once like them, and still you cursed me to roam the earth for eternity from the minute I was born. Your creatures have spurned me as a token of imminent misfortune, earning me their fury and animosity. What right did they have to cast me out? Where is their so-called mercy they preach and sow?

The man rose and the cat purred and rubbed itself on his feet. He willed it to move elsewhere, and the cat silently obeyed, lurking back to its master’s feet and started licking the milk mingled with blood off the floor. He grabbed a napkin from a table and cleaned his hands.

I approach my next victim, hoping each time it is the last one that will set me free. I can almost savor the bittersweet mellow of freedom; and yet this woman, who maybe never harmed a fly, will be dead. 

He moved up the stairs, carefully placing his boots on the wooden floor to stifle the thumps. The scent, sweet with perfume, had overcome his senses. His body no longer obeyed and his willpower abandoned him as he continued along the hallway. Each step brought forth a pulsing pain in his chest, making it harder to breathe. His teeth grinding against each other, and his dagger trembled in his hands. He reached for the door and murmured a phrase.

I don’t believe in God, but I pray with every kill. I pray that God will notice what I’ve done. I will give him another chance. 

He twisted the doorknob.

She woke up, her heart beating rapidly over a noise in her room. The room was consumed in darkness, excluding the patches of moonlight that came from the window. Her eyes told her to go back to sleep, but her mind refused to dismiss her anxiety. She reached out to the lamp beside her bed but froze in mid-air. Her body shuddered while her arm went numb; a gentle voice came out from the shadows.

“I would refrain from that if I were you. It is best to keep you in the dark.”

She struggled against whatever was binding her, but the more force she applied, the more pain flared across her arm.

“Don’t make this harder than it needs to.”

“Who are you?” Her voice was a quivering whisper, fearing that any gesture of resistance will mark her for death.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “I’ve never had a name.”

“What are you doing here?” A bolt of lightning flashed through the window, revealing a tall silhouette in her chair. Her eyes widened in horror.

“Someone wants you dead. I don’t want to do it, but I have to do it. You don’t deserve this, just like countless others who’ve had the misfortune of falling into my orbit. Nobody deserves me, but I just happen to people.”

Her face went pale as tears sprung from her eyes and flowed down her cheeks. She stood petrified, her dreams fading away and regrets weighing upon her shoulders.

The man sighed and called back his spell. The pain that wracked across her skin faded immediately, and she pulled back her arm and stared forlornly at the man in the shadows.

“Please,” she begged, “Isn’t there something I can do? I don’t want to die…”

“I know it doesn’t matter. The first rays of dawn will shine upon your corpse. Nothing will change that.”

The woman buried her face in her hands, and her sobbing filled the room with anguish. The man allowed her sorrow to echo freely, for nothing would stop him now. Except for one thing. 

“I owe you an apology.” His voice choked and gasped softly. The woman stared at the man with curiosity and rubbed away her tears. “Why?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way...but maybe that’s why I woke you up. So you could know.” 

The woman could see how a dark figure that resembled a hand moved upwards for a few moments and lowered itself back down.

“Then don’t do it. You can simply walk away.”

“They always say the same thing,” he growled. “That I should just turn my back on them. But if God wanted me to stop, he would’ve intervened already. I'm still here.”

The woman lowered her head; It was useless in keeping the slightest flicker of hope alive.

“Can I say a few prayers then?” The woman sniffed loudly and breathed in the same manner. He could see how her body shivered under the covers.

“Yes.” His voice was reduced to a faint whisper.

She slowly reached for her drawer and grabbed a necklace with a golden cross that glistened in the moonlight. The woman closed her eyes and mumbled a string of prayers, gripping her necklace tightly.

Will you forsake her as well, or will you finally answer us?

“Amen,” she said, and opened her eyes and nodded slightly towards him.     

“Why did you pray? It didn’t change anything.”

“Maybe so, but now I feel less terrified. I wished to do many things; pursue my dreams, have a family and grow old in love, but if my time has come, so be it.”

The man took a moment of silence to absorb that.

“Very well,” he said grimly.

The man approached her, his face protected by the shadows. He knelt and grabbed her wrist gently.

“Will it hurt?”

“No,” he said. 

Droplets of regret were falling from his cheeks. The woman gave a small gasp as she moved back and laid her head on her pillow and closed her eyes. The rhythm of her chest finally ceased to be.

“I already did it.”

He let go and barked a spell, and the room was briefly covered by a dull blue layer that cracked and shattered, leaving the room in darkness. A small, white orb emerged from her chest and floated slowly towards the ceiling until it was gone.

What God allows such misery to last this long?

He stared at the woman sleeping in peace;

In Pace Requiescat.