Jon's Cooking Class Surprise

Out of the kindness of her heart, retired Master Chef Rose Bowl currently teaches a Friday evening cooking class sponsored by our own Carson City Adult School. Rose studied pastry making under the tutelage of the now famous and renowned French Chef Julia Child. I was recently invited to audit the class last weekend and I would like to share my experience here in what follows. In preparation for the drive over to the campus, after a quick review of the evening weather forecast, I decided to make sure my umbrella was close at hand.

Of course, Rose the instructor was the first to arrive and unlock the door on the first floor of the Dr. Liz Wilson Elementary School located at the corner of Thermal and Jodie Streets. What I believed was a unique feature of the class is that the students were assigned to arrive at staggered, pre-determined times per the previously distributed class syllabus authored by Chef Bowl herself. In this case, it was of particular importance that the last student to arrive was not aware beforehand of the final result of tonight’s very special baked and decorated delicacy.

Flo Sift arrived promptly on time, but I noticed the frail Irish lassie needed to strain in order to open the heavy hallway door. After having driven over directly from her job at the local hospital as a nurse, Flo was still dressed in her all white uniform. She measured and poured some kind of dry, powdery ingredient into a tilt-head blender while Rose nodded her head in approval. About then I jumped in my seat! A thunder clap had startled me; but not to worry, it was still dry outside and I was safe and sound inside.

As I politely stood up from my desk closest to the island where the recipe was all coming together, Soda Baker was next on the scene. After having greeted Chef Bowl and her fellow student Flo, Soda introduced herself. I discovered the petite image that I first formed of her in my mind was markedly underestimating her presence in the room. As she approached me, her entire aura seemed to expand and fill the space between us. I could not help but notice that her skin was white as snow when we shook hands. Hard to see from my perspective, but it was obvious to me that her addition to the blender was on a much smaller scale than before. Now as the thunder clapped for a second time and louder still, it was Soda who flinched in surprise, not me!

It was a foregone conclusion by now that the rain clouds bursting wide open would come to be an imminent event. As predicted, the drops began to fall just as Sally Sodium began to leave her vehicle. She opened her umbrella just in time to make sure to avoid the drenching that would have occurred otherwise. I thought it a queer happenstance that her umbrella and mine both sported a rainbow motif. She was a rather aloof individual, ignoring my presence altogether as she removed a small glass bottle from her jacket pocket. Chef Bowl told her about five shakes ought to do it. I noticed silly Sally lost count when thunder struck again. I believe she stopped at six shakes instead of the prescribed five.

The downpour continued for the rest of the evening. Contrary to the schedule, Milkee Mitey-Mouse and Humpty Dumpty entered the classroom together. Understand that they were roommates and found it inconvenient to stagger their arrival even by a few minutes. Without having taken any precautions before the storm, both guys appeared to be soaked to the skin. Being well aware that the remainder of the recipe ingredients tonight were basically liquids, the current state of dress of these two recent arrivals evidently was not of any concern to Chef Bowl.

While Sally began to employ a low speed setting to blend the dry ingredients, the men came forward when Chef Bowl placed an empty deep dish on the counter. Facing away from me now and totally obscuring my view, I could hear Humpty Dumpty generate repeated cracking noises. Then Humpty deposited whatever he brought that Frida Frigidaire had purchased for him at the store yesterday. At this point, I was glad the thunder had finally subsided.

Humpty Dumpty then held out a graduated glass measuring cup for Milkee, who filled it to the halfway mark with what I am guessing at this point was cow juice. I have no idea if it was whole or skim, organic maybe nonorganic, or perhaps even lactose free. Again, it was Humpty’s girlfriend Frida who had made the purchase of this most vital refrigerated constituent.

Our next arrival was a pretty young lady named Nilla Distilla. To be honest with you, the girl actually staggered inside and tripped over a chair before she reached the work station where the others were waiting for her. When I asked her about the element she brought for the recipe tonight, she hemmed and hawed as if it were a secret ingredient or something. The only clue Nilla would offer was when, with a slur, she admitted that it comprised 35% alcohol. After contributing only a teaspoon to the awaiting dish, I had a strange premonition the little dark brown bottle of hers would be empty long before the following class meeting.

Cuba Buta was right on time. And let me tell you, she has a derriere about an ax handle wide (but please don’t tell her I said so). Cuba only came tonight because her skinny little friend, student Gina Marga, was indisposed. Chef Bowl approved of the substitution in advance, one girl for the other, but for tonight only. According to spokesperson Fabio, it would not have mattered to the cake recipe either way. You have seen the commercial, haven’t you?

The final basic ingredient for tonight’s bakery item was entrusted to Choco Latte, who despite her name, arrived on time. As directed by Chef Bowl, Choco broke up her dark Hershey bar segments into even tinier pieces and tossed them into the mix (but not before hiding some in her purse). Choco’s pat answer to anyone concerned about her body fat percentage: “I’ll be starting my diet tomorrow”. Anyway, if you knew Choco at all, you would find she is just as sweet as can be.

Before the frosting crew arrived, the students already present decided to blend, mix, and pour the aforementioned cake batter makings into a very special pre-selected mold. Chef Bowl set the timer and slid the yummy slop into the oven. Now everything was in the hands of the pupils still on their way to class.

Nilla Frost was head of the baking subcommittee, who would spearhead producing the icing that would determine the success or failure of tonight’s decorative cake theme. She brought with her those responsible for concocting a delicious orangey fondant. Batty Whitee was assigned to whipping up the albumen. OJ Simp provided the juice. Powda’ Suga’ sweetened the ambrosia. Zesty Navel went to work on the grater. Sticky Cornstuff added some much-needed body. And Mister H. Too-Oh diluted everything down to the ideal consistency for spreading this tangy topping all over. The resulting product emerged as a sweet and edible, chubby orange cat.

The next to last student on “stage” was Marsha Mellow, who wore a rosy pink dress that became the talk of the town when she debuted it last spring. Tonight she finished adorning the “character” cake with some similarly-colored sweet things that melt in your mouth.

At 9:00 p.m. sharp, wearing galoshes and with paper plates in hand, the final student and tonight’s guest of honor sauntered in the door, namely Jonathan Q. Arbuckle. “Surprise!”