First Entry

Dear Diary,

Is that too cheesy?

Dear Journal,

No, that doesn't sound good.

To whom it concerns,

That's just dumb. You know what? I'll just kick it off simply.

It is currently 11:01 on this Tuesday evening. It's a bit windy but otherwise, the weather has been very pleasant. I know it’s late and I should have gone to bed a couple hours ago, but my brain doesn’t seem to be able to turn off tonight. That’s why I thought it was the perfect time to start this journal. Maybe dumping my thoughts into these pages will allow my brain to finally be clear enough to go to sleep.

This is my first journal entry. To be honest, I don't really know what to write about. I've never tried keeping a journal before. I have never seen the appeal. I mean, even if I end up actually keeping up with writing every day, what do I do once I fill the whole journal? I guess I could keep it, but I worry it will end up just cluttering my bookshelf. I’d rather read books written by real authors. At least when you read someone else’s work, you’re learning something new and expanding your knowledge. Everything I could possibly write in my journal, I already know. I guess there is something to be said about the act of transferring thoughts onto paper. I could see it being quite therapeutic. I feel like journaling is in a way similar to dusting your mind. It should allow me to be able to take all the pestering thoughts that have collected in my brain throughout the day and just dump them into ink on lined paper. Who wants a dusty brain when they’re trying to sleep? Regardless, I feel like I want to share my thoughts with someone who can give feedback. Right? Yet, everyone insists on keeping a personal journal. I know I sound like a hypocrite as I complain about journaling in a journal. Believe me, I’m still skeptical, but keeping an open mind is one of my virtues. So here I am. Hopefully, I can try to at least fill half this journal by the end of this year so I haven’t completely wasted my money. Perhaps, I’ll learn something through this trial. Although based on past experience, I can’t help but feel a bit pessimistic. Despite this feeling, I’m trying to stay positive and hopeful about this. I remember as a child my mother bought me a tiny pink journal with some colorful pens so I could start keeping a diary, but all I did was draw in the first five pages and then lost the diary at school. So I guess this journal is for you Mom! I hope I don't lose this one. Even if I did lose it, I don't think I'd want to get it back in case whoever found it decided to read a few entries. I know if I found someone's journal or diary I would definitely want to read some of it. I've always been nosy. Anyway, I don't really know what this journal will become quite yet. For now, I'm just writing down my inner thoughts as they come. I asked my good friend, Hannah, what she writes in her journal since she's been keeping one for years now. She says she likes to write positive entries about things she's grateful for and the people she appreciates. She also writes down things she's learned and keeps track of her daily progress towards her life's goals. While that sounds productive, I don't really have any specific life goals and I don't think I pay enough attention to my daily happenings to reflect on them every day. I don’t think writing about those things would be very intriguing to reflect on. That should be the goal of journaling in my opinion.  I want to write about things that I'll find interesting to read again one day. I want to be able to reflect on my past self and learn from my journal. One day in the future, I want to be able to reread my journal entries and compare myself to...well...myself. I need to be able to see the growth or I won't ever believe that I am growing every day. My grandma always told me that life’s purpose is to learn every day. A knowledgeable and intellectual person is often the best company. I have to agree with her. I always felt that people who have the most broadened perspectives tend to think less selfishly and act in favor of the betterment of their environments. I often fear that I've hit a dead-end and have stopped growing as a person. That's what scares me the most. I don't fear things like death or talking in front of a large crowd. I mostly fear that I will one day stop caring enough to want to continue to learn and evolve. If I'm not expanding my perspective of life every day, then I believe that that was a day wasted. I'm afraid of not taking advantage of every day of my life because I never know how many days I have left. Of course, I don't mean I want to go out and do crazy things every single day. But every day I want to do something for myself. Even if it's as simple as cooking myself a meal or just going to bed to get an extra hour of sleep. I think I know what I want this journal to be. I want this journal to be a personal growth journal. Just something I can use to jot down my thoughts so in the future I can look back on it and see how much I've grown. I guess I'll end this entry with a little note to my future self.

When you think you aren't growing, just remember that redwoods can't grow in a day. Every tree starts off as a sprout. You are growing every day even when you can't see it. Sometimes you just have to look back to see how much you've grown.

I'm proud of you,

Your little sprout.