It started off as just a dare...

It started off as just a dare. A dare I accepted just so my audience wouldn't think I was cowardly. Maybe if I'd known where it would've led me, I would have just walked away from all of those sets of eyes. But here I am, standing in front of Madeline’s house, wondering if it’s too late to take things back.

It was a Thursday afternoon. I was heading to my usual spot underneath the school's cherry blossom tree when I heard someone call my name. I looked around wondering if I was just imagining things or not, people rarely talked to me. I live on the rough side of things. My folks split when I was only two years old. I live with my mom in a small town house. We used to live in a house, but when my dad stopped sending child support money we had to downsize.

I was about to give up on the idea of someone calling me, when Justin Perlaz came running up to me. "Hey M, me and some of the others were going to play a game of Truth or Dare. You in?".

Justin used to be a part of my middle school friend group. It was me, him, Tom Stewart, Lucy Parnell, and Madaline Laptis. All of us sort of formed our group in fifth grade. We all went our separate ways when high school started. Or maybe it was just me. I guess that I wasn't considered cool enough for them when things like social status and looks started becoming a thing.

"Are you coming or not? It'll be just like the good old days!" Justin says bringing me back to attention.

I thought that it was kind of odd that he was only speaking to me now after three years, but I ended up agreeing anyways. He gave me that old familiar grin of his, and then led me to the indoor tables where all the cool kids sit.

When I got to his table I got some 'Heys' and 'What up?' from the old gang. They haven’t changed much at all. They were still the cool popular kids while I was just the outcast who everybody forgets about.

Justin claps his hands together and we all look up at him. “Okay guys! Before we start let me go over the rules. Each round each person will have to choose truth or dare by the person sitting next to them. Those who choose not to comply will be eliminated. Those who do will move to the next round. Who wants to go first?”.

Sounds simple enough. But yet I still can’t figure out why they invited me to this game. Was it so they could make a fool of me? But I would find out, when it was already too late. Things too messed up to take back. 

After the others go, Madeline turns to me and smiles. “Mary Lee, truth or dare?”.

Madeline of all people still calls me by my full name, even though I’ve been M for years. “Dare. Hit me up.” I say, I wouldn’t want to appear soft in front of these guys for the first round. 

“Alright. I dare you to go up to Ronald Dunly and take a bite out of his sandwich.” She says smirking at me. 

Of course she had to pick that. Everyday that nerd’s mom packs him a homemade bologna and swiss cheese pickled sandwich that always smells. I don’t give Madeleine the satisfaction of grossing me out, so I leave the table and head to where Ronald Dunly sits with all of them following close on my heels. 

When I spot him, I march up right to him and grab the sandwich out of his hand. He looks up at me surprised. I take a massive bite out of it and look right at Madeline. “If you’re hungry M you could have the rest if you want.”, poor Ronald says. 

“I’m good Ronald. I owe you one.” I say handing back his sandwich. No way would I want the rest of that. When I walk back to the table with the others, I feel a pride start to bloom. I successfully made it to round two that day. And that was only the beginning. 

The next day, I walk over to the table where the others are by myself. I want to show them that I can get through whatever bigger game they're doing. 

“Welcome again everybody. I’m glad to say that you all made it to the second round. Who wants to go first?” Justin says.

“I’ll go man.” Tom says. “Truth or dare Justin?”.

“Dare.” 

“I dare you to kiss a person in this group.” Tom grins. 

I see Lucy and Madeline give silent smiles to themselves. He’ll definitely kiss one of them, they’re both beautiful. But Justin turns towards me. He cups my face with his hand and leans in to kiss me. I was so surprised that I did nothing but kiss him back for two seconds. After what felt like an eternity later, we both pulled away. I stare at him for a moment trying to catch my breath. He grins at me and then says to Tom, “another dare done and dusted.”. 

Later that day while I’m packing up my bag to go home I can’t help but think of Justin. I never felt that way about him before. I guess I never considered liking him before because he has always been off limits with being cool and all. But yet it was just a kiss. He can’t possibly have feelings for me, right?

Before I can ponder any longer Justin runs up to me and helps pick up my bag. “I was hoping I’d run into you. I wanted to talk to you about our...um...kiss?” he says it unsure, like I’m supposed to know what it was either. All I can do is nod.

“Okay great, because I was wondering if you would want to go get coffee or something sometime.”. Coffee. With me. Yup, Justin Perlaz wants to get coffee with me. Mary Lee Jones, the outcast. The loner.

“That sounds nice.” Great going there M. Justin Perlaz just asked you out to coffee and all you can say is ‘sounds nice’?

“Awesome! I can’t wait. Does this Monday after school work? I could pick you up!”. Gosh. I never considered him my type before but I’m going on a date with Justin Perlaz.

The weekend took forever to pass by. I could barely focus on my homework and community project ideas. By Monday would Justin forget about me? Would he hook up with someone new over the weekend?

On Monday at lunch, Justin and the others wave me over. “Hey, how’s it going?”. He smiles, “well, I guess we should start round three.”. I nod and begin to think of a dare for Madeline.

...

I blow into my cup of coffee and watch as the trail of steam curves up and up. Justin already demolished his New York Cheesecake within two bites. This isn't my usual coffee place but I try to enjoy my drink even though it’s really over sweetened.

“You know, that pink shirt doesn’t really seem like your type of style.” he says as I glance down at my pink ruched top. He’s right, it isn’t my style. I normally stick to dark colors but I thought that he might like me more if I would dress more like his ‘go too’ girls.

“Okay, well, the fleece isn’t really your style either. Where did the letterman jacket go? Coach kick you off the team again?” I joke, but he grimaces.

“Actually my mom washed it with her pink jumpsuit and now it’s a bright hot pink.” I start to laugh. I remember looking up at Justin’s mom in awe. She was really skinny and would always wear hot pink jumpsuits. I would always want to go over to Justin’s house because his mom would have the good snacks.

“You should have worn it. Then we could have matched!” I say and he starts to laugh too. When I take a sip of my coffee, it’s already too cold.

...

When I got home later that day I was surprised to see my mom on our old green retro sofa in the sitting room. “You’re home early.” I say setting my bag down. 

“Yea, the boss closed the restaurant early after a pipe burst. Where have you been?” My mom says stretching her arms above her head.

“Oh. I was on a date with Justin Perlaz. Remember him from middle school?” I say sticking a bowl of popcorn in the microwave. 

“Helena’s boy? Since when did this start? You and I have got a lot of catching up to do girl.” I nod and sit down next to my mom setting the bowl between us. “Just be careful. I’m telling you that you never want to have your heart broken by a boy. Not ever, you hear me?”.

“Don’t worry mom. I’ll be careful.” I say. I’ll be careful.

...

I have to say after that day in the coffee shop with Justin, things escalated quickly. Everyday him and I would meet the group at lunch for a round of truth or dare. So far all of us were still in it. When Justin would kiss or put his arm around me, I looked to see if there was a hint of jealousy in Lucy or Madeline’s eyes. Some days I thought I saw a bit of something else. 

I would always choose a dare, I wanted to appear tough. And plus it was fun to see what people would come up with. So far I had to lick Tom’s sweaty foot, do my math homework in a pink crayon, knock over a glass of water on my teachers desk, and egg Ms. Murphy’s car. I was more than happy to do that one, she always gives me detentions for walking in the hallway without a pass.  

After school each day I would hang out with Justin. Sometimes we would go to that coffee shop, or sometimes I would go to his football games. Each time I was with him I grew to like him more and more. I grew to remember the way his laugh came from deep inside of his chest, filling the holes to all the empty pieces inside of you. Or the feel of his arm pressing me closer to him. 

“Hey, Lucy is hosting a party at her house tonight. Want to go with me?”, Justin says looking down at me. I stopped growing when I reached five feet so he always has to look down at me when we’re talking. 

“Why not.” I say, nuzzling closer to him. Now looking back, I realize that if I’d said no then maybe the dream I was living in would have lasted a little longer.

“I can’t wait!” he says smiling down at me.

...

That Wednesday night I walk into Lucy’s large sitting room where there’s smoke and beer sucking in all the air. It took me an hour to decide what to wear. Eventually I decided on a short, tight, black dress with my four inch boots. “You look great!” Justin says when he spots me. “Want me to get you a drink?” he asks.

I nod. I can barely hear myself think in this room. I push past people to try to get some air outside. When I finally stumble outside, I see Lucy and Madeline around a fire pit hushedly talking. I was about to go walk over to them when I heard them say my name. I duck behind the porch swing and try to hear what they are saying. I hope they didn’t spot me.

When I take a peek out from behind the swing I see that they aren’t looking in my direction. “Can you believe that she didn’t figure it out already? I mean, come on! Justin with somebody as washed up as Mary Lee? When is he going to tell her that it’s all just a dare?” I hear Madeline whisper. 

I believe my heart stopped then. No. NO. It can’t be true. I won’t believe it. Was Justin asking me to their game just him being friendly, or was it because he was using me as some dare? 

I didn’t realize that I was crying until I see the bright orange flames from the fire start to blurr. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, smearing my mascara. I crawl out from behind the swing and back into the party. “Hey are you okay M” I hear someone say. I turn and see that it’s Ronald. As in Sandwich Ronald. What’s he doing here at a cool kids party? 

“Yea I’m okay Ronald. Thanks.” I say and I push past all the arms and legs to the front door. I cry all the way home. 

...

The next day at lunch I make my way to the table where the group sits. Act cool M. Last night while I was taking a hot shower I decided that I would act normal. Screw them and screw their game. I would play one final round, and then I would be the one to break up with Justin. Before he could break my heart any more.

I sit down at the table and smile at everyone. “Hey! Where were you last night? I tried calling you but you didn’t answer.” Justin says, a look of concern on his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t feeling well so I went home early. Maybe it was the nachos I had earlier.” I say trying to shrug it off. I see Lucy and Madeline give an uneasy glance at each other. “I’ll go first. Hit me up Lucy.” I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.

“Okay, you want a dare right? Well I have the perfect one for…”

“Actually, I’ll pick truth for today.” I say. I really can’t face another one of their lousy dares right now. 

“Okay.” Lucy shrugs, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”.

“Um...I guess it would be my dad.” I start and they all look at me, “I mean, you probably already know that he left my mom and me when I was two. My mom keeps telling me that it wasn’t my fault that he left, but yet I can’t help but think that it was my fault anyways. I know I didn’t need him, and I still don’t, but my mom still needs him. She works at a dinner fifteen hours a day just to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. I don’t want her to keep living like this. She needs my dad. Maybe if I was prettier, or if I cried less, then he would have stayed. Just maybe…”. I watch as a tear drips down on the table with a loud thunk. 

When I finally look up I realize that they are still watching me. “You can keep playing your game if you want. But I’m done. I’m done being on the other end of a dare. I’m done. Goodbye Justin.” I say softly. I gather my bag and walk back to my old spot underneath the cherry blossom tree. 

When I sit down, I lay my spine against the tree’s rough bark. I rest my head in my hands and slump my shoulders. I feel someone tap me on the shoulder and realize that it’s Justin. “It’s true right? I was just a dare that you have been playing all along?” I say. Maybe there is a slim chance that I misheard Lucy and Madeline at the party.

“Um...I guess.” His face turns red. I sigh and go back to pressing my hands against my face. 

“How long has it been going on for?” I ask him.

“Well, Madeline came up with the game three years ago. We were all bored one day during lunch and she came up with the game. We’ve been playing it ever since. A couple of weeks ago, she gave me the dare to pretend to be in a relationship with you, and then break up. Honestly I don’t know why I agreed. I’m really sorry M. I shouldn’t have done that to you.”. 

I can start to feel myself about to cry again, but I just have to know one thing before I can run home. “Was any of it real?” I ask timidly.

Justin looks at me and brings my face closer to his. Then he kisses me. “Was that?” he asks.

...

So that’s where it led me. Standing in front of Madeline’s house at one in the morning with a match stick in one hand, and a tub of gasoline in the other. All because I agreed to a silly game of Truth or Dare that one Thursday morning. 

I will set fire to this house, and smoke her out. Then when she runs outside in her lace nightgown and matching slippers, she will see me and I will stare into her eyes for a moment. Just that stare will tell her everything that I would want to say. Then I would run in the shadows to my empty home. I wouldn’t care if I would get arrested or not, I would just be glad that I would be done with that group and all the hurt it caused me once and for all. 

I set down the heavy gasoline can and twirl the match stick in my hand. I could go home, it’s not too late before I’ve done something that I can’t take back. Or I could watch the hungry flames lick her house. I look down at the innocent little match stick and twirl it between my fingers, wondering what I should do...