Was It You?

“You like doughnuts?”

“Pardon?”

“Donuts. Do you like doughnuts?”

“Yes.”

“What kind?”

“Em...any.”

“No, no, no, no, no. What kind? Chocolate? Sprinkles? No Sprinkles? Frosting? Pink Frosting? No Frosting? Cream? We both know the best ones are glazed but once in a while, we all need something a little different, don't we? So I'll ask one more time. What kind?”

“Jam.”

“Jelly?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Now we're getting somewhere. Jelly heh? You like surprises don't you?”

“If you say so.”

“Nah there's no need for that. Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

“My doctor told me to lose the caffeine but he ain't said nothing about sugar. What they don't say, they don't mean heh? That's what I'm talking about. I buy mine from Heaven's Pies, at the corner of Main street. Ever been?”

“I can't say that I have.”

“You don't know what you're missing. On Wednesdays, it's two for one. Tell me you'll try them. Will you?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now, I didn't mean to scare you back there but we all need to do what we need to do, don't we? I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I've been where you at.”

“I do not believe that.”

“I know you don't but I do. I have. How do you think I got in this position in the first place?”

“You can't be in both mine and your position.”

“Can't you? Do you know what communal narcissism means?”

“A wolf in sheep's clothing.”

“You've got some brain.”

“Are you surprised?”

“No, but I think you're cutting yourself short.”

“I am not.”

“Here take a bite of this. Come on. Isn't that nice?”

“It's sweet, very sweet.”

“Kind of like girls, aren't they?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I don't like girls.”

“Now why don't I believe that?”

“Believe what you want. I don't like girls or boys. They are nothing but nuisances. I do very well without them.”

“Now, come one. It is not impossible to go about your day without seeing or talking to anyone. Look at you and me.”

“I see them differently.”

“How do you see them?”

“As irregular fluctuations.”

“Noise?”

“Yes.”

“Is that how you see me?”

“Why would you be any different?”

“You can't even look at me can you?”

“Do you want me to? People often do.”

“Not if you don't want to. Haven't met anyone like you before. Maybe I'm simply curious.”

“You are not curious. I know exactly what you're thinking.”

“What am I thinking?”

“You think I am peculiar. You think I am confused.”

“You're wrong. I find the whole thing captivating, even poetic if you ask me.”

“How so?”

“I imagine you, gliding through life like an impulsive crow, liberated from all ruling and logic.”

“That was beautiful.”

“Are you surprised?”

“Yes. Did your mother tell you that? Did she read to you at night? Did she leave the light on until you fell asleep?”

“What is it you said you did in those fields?”

“You are wasting your time with me. We do not have the slightest thing in common.”

“I thought I had proven that we are not so different, you and I.”

“And yet we are.”

“The rings, around your neck.”

“What about them?”

“What are they?”

“Can't say they are anything special.”

“You don't look like the type to wear jewels.”

“And yet I do.”

“Celia. My mother's name was Celia. She read to me cowboys stories before I went to bed. She never left the light on.”

“Didn't need it, did you?”

“No, I didn't.”

“Bit of a daredevil were you? “

“If you say so.”

“Rings. I find them beautiful. Carrying something beautiful around your neck, that doesn't seem so unusual does it?”

“No.”

“Maybe they are memories of a better time. Not a good time but a better time when things were simpler. When I didn't need to wander the fields and the streets where you met me.”

“Souvenirs?”

“I have a feeling you are the type to keep souvenirs too. A large painting, an old framed photograph maybe? You keep it in your office with all the files and veneer.”

“I don't.”

“No? That is disappointing.”

“I don't need a painting or a photograph to remind me of old times. I keep it all, safely locked in my head.”

“You didn't hold on to her though. You didn't hold on to Nina, did you? How come?”

“Nina?”

“It was your daughter, wasn't it? I saw her name in the paper this morning. The runaway girl. Still hasn't come back, has she?”

“Why would you think she's mine?”

“I read the name in your wallet when you ordered coffee. It's the same name.”

“Is it?”

“Valleen, was it? That is your name.”

“Could be a different Valleen.”

“Is it a different Valleen?”

“No. It isn't.”

“I thought it sounded a bit like 'villain'. It made me laugh.”

“Laugh? Does that make you laugh? I should have expected it from someone like you.”

“I didn't mean to upset you. It's like those rings around my neck. It's pointless to try to compete with the inevitable. No matter how much you try, you'll never hold on to those who want to leave. I am certain you did all you could.”

“It is nice of you to say.”

“And are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Are you the villain in that story?”

“If you are asking me if I blame myself, then the answer is yes. But I'll also say this. Young girls, often have the spirit of a hungry bear and the constitution of a drowsy goldfish. You would know.”

“I think you are mistaking me for one of your ordinary cases.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

“Withdrawn, as always.”

“I think, you and I, could make a good team. I think we understand each other.”

“I do not function in pair or with anyone, I already told you.”

“There is a potential for something really special here. You have to agree.”

“I do Detective. I do agree.”

“Between you and me. This is just the beginning. I'll listen. I'll even try to understand. You know I can. You know I am curious. So tell me, where is she?”

“Are you this curious?”

“Is she alive?”

“No. None of them are, but you already knew that.”

“Where are they? I know you were there.”

“I was. I did see them. Didn't you?”

“I have a strange feeling we are running in a circle here, in an infuriating vicious circle!”

“A circle has no corner and no edge. It's endless. It will always come back to the beginning.”

“We'll get nothing out of her but nonsense.”

“I had a dream last night that might interest you to know about.”

“Why would it?”

“I don't see that you have much of a choice. Aren't you running out of time here?”

“What is it?”

“I saw someone walking at night. She looked to the right and then to the left before crossing the field. She made large and careful steps, almost climbing over areas. I thought it was odd because I didn't notice anything on the surface of the field. It was all grass and muddled soil. I heard counting, one, two, three, four, five and then she stopped. She bent down and with her hands, she felt the moist grass of that untouched spot of lawn. A beautiful spot, I thought. Of course, I cannot be sure this was all a dream. Us 'sillies', rarely have a good night's sleep.”

“Was that you?”

“What would make you say that?”

“It's the next logical step.”