My mother loved fire

It sucks just walking into your school and having no one talk to you and no one feel bad. My mother and father were killed in a car accident 5 years ago. I am now living with my aunt who was too busy drinking to even drive me to school. I’m not the worst looking person in the world but I have never had a girlfriend in my life. I’m failing most of my classes and I have a total of three friends. We are all very close because most people hate us. There is Jen she is very artsy and shy and always gets good fucking grades. It’s annoying until she gives us her homework answers. Then there is Tommy. He lives with his two older brothers and would rather live in the streets then with his family. Lastly Taylor, you don’t see her a day of your life without being high or drunk. She always knows where to find shit and is the only way we ever go to parties. 

“Jj, hey!” Tommy said as he was waving his hand in front of my face.

“What do you fucking want?” I replied.

Taylor turned her head “Calm your asses down, we have to find out what we will do this weekend,” we have this tradition that each weekend we do something that is memorable because it makes life more enjoyable.

“We could buy a grocery cart,” Jen said.

“And which of us has the money to pay for that?” Tom replied. A half eaten sandwich landed in front of me. 

“Fuck this school, you know i’ve about had enough of this shit!” Taylor yelled while grabbing the sandwich and throwing it on the ground. We all knew that if it were to be thrown at Taylor her head would most likely explode. 

After school we all met up behind Jen’s house on a hill. We have met here ever since as long as we can remember. It is peaceful, just after arriving we all know not to disturb each other. We all know it is just our safe space to stay. Jen was making earrings, Taylor was smoking, Tommy was listening to music and looking at his test answers he stole from the teachers desk. I was laying on my back just thinking. It is very calming and it is my place to think. I remembered after my parents got in a car crash I wasn’t there for a week, and when I came back the teachers told everyone to be kind to me. It wasn’t the best feeling having everyone pity you when you just want to disappear. I turned my head to Taylor when she said, “I read an article today,” she paused, “My parents gave it to me and it’s about how to fit in. It was really stupid about how none of us actually belong. Anyways my parents said we should value it more then we do,”

“The only way I would try to fit in is if I were getting paid,” Tommy replied.

Taylor looked at him in disappointment, “Well I want to have my parents be proud of me so I dont get kicked out. And if you really want money i’ll pay each of you 20 bucks,”

“Deal ,” Tommy replied. I looked at him in concern. 

“Why would you agree for us!” Jen questioned.

“I want the money, I don’t really care,” He replied. It shouldn’t be hard to fit in, I mean just talk to people, don't get pushed around or food thrown at you, easy. I don’t know how to get people’s attention, I’ll figure it out later.

At 11 I called Tommy to see how we would do this. “Well we could just sit by them during lunch”

“Do you want to be killed,” asked Tommy. 

“You’re right” I sighed, “Well what should we do?”

“How about we join the football team or something,” Tommy suggested, “I mean try outs are starting soon,”

“That actually could work,” I said in awe, Tommy isn’t usually the idea person in the group, “and we can have Taylor and Jen do cheerleading, so it’s a two in one deal type of thing,”

“That could work, I’ll talk to them later about it,” We continued talking about it for a while longer until we both got tired and left the call. I could hear my aunt stumbling in after being at the bar since 5. I stay up to make sure she is okay and listen for her to come in. She always does so I guess it is more of a thing for me then for her. 

A week after that conversation was tryouts for football and cheerleading. Tommy convinced Taylor and Jen to try out for cheerleading. This was really our one way ticket to fame. There weren't many other sports that popular kids did. Luck wasn’t in our favor because we aren’t the most athletic group in our school. 

It was 30 minutes until tryouts, I was looking at the clock, watching it tick was far more entertaining than listening to Mr.Jones teaching math. After a long awaited 30 minutes school was out. I got out of my chair thinking about how the try out would work. I barely felt like I was alive walking past the white desks and red chairs. 

“Why are they trying out?” I heard the player already on the team say. We all had to try out but Tommy and I were the only ones walking alone. 

“Don’t listen to them, you'll do great Jj,” Tommy said to me.

“Right back to you Tommy,” After the coach got everyone around the bleachers he said we were going to start easy warm ups. Let me start with they weren’t easy. From someone who doesn’t regularly do exercise unless it is running away from people doing laps until someone passes out isn’t easy. Lucky for me and Tom we weren’t the first to pass out. It was all going pretty good, I was doing better than most of the new comers. When it came around to a scrimmage that’s when the entire plan couldn’t work out. It’s all a fade, mostly from the dehydration and part of not wanting to remember it. I was shoved down by one of the tougher guys and my arm snapped. It was weird I heard it but it felt so much different then it felt. 

When I came back to school I already knew what was coming for me, When I was in there it turns out I would have made it if it weren’t for my broken arm, and Tommy made the team. I was obviously excited for him but I had and have no idea how to fit in at this point. And to top it off Taylor and Jen both made the cheerleading team. It felt like I was just an outsider even with my closest friends. It was all pretty normal they all even sat next to me at lunch. 

“Hey well there are other sports right?” Jen said.

“It’s not like he can do any of them because of his arm,” Taylor replied. It was almost like they were talking about me behind my back the whole lunch not even talking to me specifically. 

The next day was even worse: their teammates asked them to sit by each other, they said sorry and that they would talk to me later. Tommy was with his football boys and Jen and Taylor were just sitting together with the people a few weeks ago they hated. I was all alone, just like when I found out my parents were dead. I was all alone.

After the rest of the week on thursday I had a horrible and wonderful dream. I was burning in fire but my mother was talking to me. She reached for my hand and was saying how proud of me she was of me. It felt like she was there, yes she was made of fire and I was in extreme amounts of pain because I was burning, but it was the most amount of joy I have felt in a long time. 

“Hey do you want to come to our first school game tomorrow?” Tom asked, “after we can get some food just you, me, Jen, and Taylor,”

It felt like I didn’t even know him anymore, “Sure I’ll be there,”

The rast of the two days went by in a blur. I wanted to see my best friends be the best of themselves at this school. I was sitting on the bleachers, the score was almost tied the other team winning by two points. Yet that wasn’t why I was there. How silly would that be watching football. A normal sport you can watch at any time online. Something clicked in my mind that I left my science homework in my locker. “Excuse me,” I said as I was walking past people. 

When I opened my locker I saw my lighter and remembered my dream. And I remembered my mom, and still wished to see my dad. I wondered if I just needed a bigger fire to see them both. 

I’m not sure how but I saw all my science homework on the carpeted floor and dropped my lighter. I ran out of the building. I heard someone from the game yell that there’s a fire. I didn’t care about all of the hassle because I saw my mom and my dad. They were in the window waving at me. I started crying and walking to them. Out of nowhere Tommy pushed me down and yelled, “Don’t fucking go in there!”

I looked over and my parents were gone. I looked at him in disgust, “Get off of me,” I said while shoving him away. I was shocked and was looking at the window where my parents were. I heard sirens and I was cuffed. I didn’t realise until I couldn’t see the window anymore. It should have never been me handcuffed, it should have been all my friends who deserted me and Tommy who stopped me from ever seeing my parents again. 

It is hard to say I will ever see my parents again, but I still think fire is nice. It brings family and warmth, I mean that was a famous saying from my mom.