A Cabin for Two

“Come on Kate, pack your bags it’s time to go” I hollered up the stairs to the master bedroom. “Okay, give me a second I’m still trying to figure out what all to bring to this bloody cabin. You know I haven’t been to Northern Michigan since I was a girl, I don’t want to freeze” she said with anxiety in her voice.

“Just make sure you bring that heavy winter coat I bought you and you’ll be fine. I really think you’re going to like it here, this is exactly what Dr. Scott was talking about when he suggested a distraction-free getaway.”

I hastily climbed the steps two at a time passing by the empty nursery nestled in the corner and entering the master bedroom looking out on Kate struggling to cram bulky sweaters into a large suitcase. I chuckled a bit to myself and with a smirk, I walked up to Kate embracing her from behind and inhaling the overwhelmingly lovely scent of her lavender shampoo. “It’s going to be okay baby, I know we will be able to figure this out we just need a few days away from all the distractions.” I gently turned her around resting my forehead against hers. “You know I love you, right?” 

“Oh Ben, you’re the sweetest. I just really hope…” “Just breathe. All you have to do this weekend is relax and, well… I may have something else in mind” I said with a huge grin on my face as I took her in my arms and kissed her with passionate force. 

We’ve been trying for a baby for two painstakingly long years now with no success. Well, I guess getting pregnant hasn’t really been the problem, it’s staying that way. Needles, doctors appointments, and test after test… nothing has been able to tell us what’s causing the miscarriages. The last doctor we visited in the city, Dr. Scott suggested that Kate was simply “stressed” and that she needed to relax and keep her stress levels low. After trying basically everything else we decided that a relaxing weekend getaway was exactly what we needed. 

This is why we are headed to my grandparent’s cabin in the woods, in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan in the dead of winter. I can remember heading there as a kid with my parents and spending the summers swimming in the inland lake, playing catch with my dad in the small yard, and venturing through the dense forest looking for cool critters and pretending I was an explorer. This cabin is as remote as it gets. Fifteen miles away from the nearest town it has no running water, electricity, cell phone reception, or internet. Quite the change from our normal technology ridden day-to-day lives and perhaps exactly what we needed.

I took Kate’s heavy bag down the steps to the front door and out to load the SUV. Once we were fully packed we hit the road. “I always forget how long of a drive it is, and it’s so boring. Literally just a straight shot North with nothing to look at but trees” Kate said yawning. “Just try and relax, maybe take a nap and we will be there before you know it. Don’t worry, I’ll wake you before we cross the Mackinac Bridge so you can take in the view.”

Kate relaxed a bit in the passenger seat resting her head on a rolled-up sweater propped up against the window. I turned the dial down on the radio and zoned out taking in all the beautiful trees recently dusted with freshly fallen snow. Despite being 4 in the afternoon the sun was beginning to set behind the trees, the light reflecting off the falling snow looked like glitter gently floating to the ground. There wasn’t a car in sight, the snow was starting to pick up and it was a beautiful drive. More than anything I was thankful for the chance getaway. Retreating to nature always seemed to help calm my soul.

Two hours after passing over the Mackinac Bridge we finally arrived. I struggled to find the unplowed drive to the cabin in the dark and decided to leave the truck at the end of the drive to avoid getting stuck. “Sorry love, I think we need to get out here. The drive isn’t plowed and we have no way to call for help if we get stuck.” “That’s alright, I need to stretch my legs anyway. Come on, let’s race to the door!” Kate said with a sparkle in her eye. 

She took off on a dead sprint towards the entrance of the cabin, her loose hair flew behind her in an angelic way she looked over her shoulder at me with the biggest grin I’ve seen in months. I quickly caught up to her embracing her in a bear hug and plopping us both down in a fluffy snowbank. Laughing we rolled around in the snow in a lover's embrace. “It’s fun to be playful, if only for a moment,” she said as she planted a kiss on my cheek. We laid in the snow for a few moments taking everything in before realizing the car light had flicked off and we were laying in complete darkness. 

“It’s not like the city out here, with no light pollution you can really see the stars.” “It’s beautiful” Kate replied, soaking in the moment. After a few moments passed I said, “Come on, let’s get you inside, I’ll bring the bags in and get a fire started”.

Using my cell phone as a flashlight I led us to the doorway of the cabin and unlocked the door. The smell of mothballs wafted through the air. “Wow, that’s strong,” Kate said plugging her nose. “Just like I remembered,” I said, the smile never leaving my face. 

We entered the small, one-room lofted cabin and I used a lighter to fuel the oil lamp resting on the aged wooden table. “Feel free to check the place out while I go grab the bags and some firewood. I promise it will warm up quickly once I get the fire going”.

I left the cabin and walked to the car struggling to carry the hefty suitcases through the deep snow. I then walked to the small woodshed located near the outhouse a short distance from the cabin. Once my eyes adjusted to the moonlight I had no reason to use my cell phone. Caught up in the moment I paused taking in the stillness of the winter night. A small shiver overcame me as goosebumps prickled my skin. “There’s nothing quite like the U.P in wintertime” I whispered aloud as I looked up at the moon. 

Continuing on my mission I entered the small woodshed and grabbed a handful of firewood from the stack in the corner. Hands full I walked back to the cabin and rested the firewood next to the mantle. After a few trips back and forth gathering wood I built a toasty fire and the cabin began to slowly warm-up.

“That’s a bit better,” Kate said as she shed off her heavy winter coat laying it over one of the wooden kitchen chairs. “I told you it wouldn’t take long to warm up, after all this place is pretty quaint.” 

I pat the spot next to me on the couch overlooking the fire and she excitedly joined me plopping down on the lumpy seat cushion and nuzzling into my warm embrace. “I’m so happy you agreed to come with me for the weekend. I know it’s not really your thing with no cell phone reception or electricity, but I really do think it will do us some good to take a break from life”.

“Yeah, I think you’re right. Maybe I’ll crack open that book I’ve been meaning to read for the past few years.” Kate said with a smile. I was happy she was distracting herself to keep her mind off the pain of multiple miscarriages. It was painful for me too but in other ways. While I felt the gut-wrenching sadness of never being able to hold my child in my hands I never felt the baby move, I was never physically connected to my unborn child, at least not in the ways Kate had been.

That’s the thing about my Kate, she is as strong as she is relentless. So willing to continue trying even after so much disappointment. Her strength is admirable…she always continues to amaze me.

Staring at the fire Kate looked so relaxed, tired even. “Did you have a chance to check the place out?” I asked, “The steps to the loft leading up to the bedroom are over there.” 

“Yes, the spiral staircase is cool, I haven’t seen one in years,” she said as a yawn contorted her face. “Well, it hasn’t been but a few weeks since someone was up here last so there should be fresh linens on the bed.” “Okay, I think I am going to head that way, I’m really tired. Goodnight sweetheart.” “Goodnight,” I said kissing her gently. “I’ll be up in a moment, I just want to make sure the fire will last us through the night.” 

As Kate made her way up the metal staircase into the lofted bedroom out of sight I stoked the fire, mesmerized by the burning flames. As the flames drew me deeper and deeper into a trance-like state I began to reflect back on all we’ve been through the last few years, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude. 

Despite all the pain, we’ve endured Kate and I are closer than ever, in a way our pain brought us closer together. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, I don’t know if we will ever end up being blessed with a child of our own, but I do know that we have each other and that’s something that I will never take for granted. 

After all, life is but just one big story, and this...this is a cabin for two.