The Dominatrix Who Conquered Body and Brain

Warm morning air seeps through the window that's been left open from the night before. The sun is shining bright and the sound of free spirited birds sing their free spirited songs without a care about how many more minutes of shut eye you were hoping to get. You lie with your open eyes facing the cone of light that shines through the sliver between the curtains. The bright baby blue of the summer sky reminds you of the color she coats her eyes with and the juicy red that radiates from the tulips in the yard is that of the red that she smears on her lips. The image of her in your head is that of a priceless painting hung up in an infamous museum. You get out of bed remembering the hazelnut coffee you bought the previous evening. Quickly the house fills with the thick, sweet smell. Your body is standing in the kitchen across the oven, sipping on the dark, freshly brewed nectar; but your mind has managed to float far beyond the limits of the earthly atmosphere. There you are safe, you are beyond your past mistakes, and the best part is-so is she. The thick brown curls that framed her face which matched her dark brown eyes were no longer features you could use to identify her, rather it was her essence. You guide your mind through the vast labyrinth searching for her. A sudden knock at the door interrupts your attempt to connect with a long lost friend through the astral dimension. A mailman happens to be at your door with a package. The cluttering at the front door disrupts your focus entirely, your connection with the other plane is lost. You are beginning to doubt whether or not this is the way to see her again. Pouring another cup of coffee for yourself you remember how the precious liquid seems to be the exact same brown as her big doll-like eyes. Back in your bedroom, the pants you decide to wear this day happen to be too loose around the waist. Picking up a black belt off the floor you put it on with the whispering of past memories in your ear. You look down for a moment only to look back up and see her trying on that same black belt. The skinny snake-like leather belt is wrapped around her tiny waist and you briefly hear her say something. You try to speak but no words will come out of your mouth, god has put you on silent, there is nothing you can say. You look back down to see the small belt still in your hands as if you hadn’t already put it on. Weird. After putting the package away, which included some arts supplies that will probably be left untouched for several weeks, you throw on the oldest pair of kicks you own on and head outside to empty your mind-as a monstrous headache has been brewing from this unresolved tension and you are beginning to feel numb. Outside you feel the sun’s warmth wrap itself around every inch of your exposed skin. From the ankle peeking out of your sock until the tip of your nose. The sun hugs as the wind pushes you onward. Making your way up to the children's park your mind sparks up a memory of the two of you being here in the chilly summer nights, nights filled with secrets and giggles that only the two of you have shared. An intimacy that uncontrollably pops up in every instance of your day. But not in any other season, summer was special because summer was the time the two of you got to spend wrapped up in each other. Wrapped up in each other's stories, misadventures, and arms in the back seat of her brother's car. And as you exhale the wind whisks you home. You float home as if travelling by a breeze of tranquility. At home you make your way over back to the kitchen, brewing a cup of tea rather than a meal because who could eat after an evening full of reminders of the siren from around the block. The cup of chamomile does the trick and you lay down in the cluttered bed, taking the advice of a little voice in your head telling you to take a nap. Eyes closed, you are immediately surrounded by darkness. The glow of some rotating beams of light which appear to be red guide your consciousness beyond your body. You begin to levitate, you get so high up you could reach out and touch the spider crawling on the ceiling! Once you get comfortable in your astral plane body you venture off. See you could go anywhere in this plane of existence. You could go see a concert, maybe head down to a beach, or just watch people how they are in their natural states. But you do none of these things, not a single one. Despite these activities crossing your mind you have more pressing matters to attend to. But instead you go to the park, the one from earlier today. Up ahead there is a path through the park illuminated with light from the tall lamps above, but you sit down on the bench prior to the path and wait in the dark. You sit and wait for what feels like an eternity and then the bright figure you’ve been waiting for has arrived. She appears in the far end of the path and gently glides over beside you. Two glowing beings in a pretty average park. You two watch the sunrise together and then she gently drifts back down the path she came as you watch her leave. Coming back into your body is now the hard part. Like a pair of jeans that is just far too skinny. You put on your flesh cage and open your human eyes to see the same sun you woke up to the previous day. After making your way to the kitchen you notice the food in your fridge has gone rotten and the milk you were going to use is far past it’s due date. Today will mark the first time you’ve gone to the store in over a month. Being completely overwhelmed by your attachment to this other realm you’ve lost track of your fleshly self. Back in the bedroom upon changing clothes you see the harsh outline of your rib cage. Throwing over a baggy sweater and some track pants to hide the hideous frame you’ve become. The walk over to the store you repeat the list of items you should get, over and over again in your head. 

“Milk...milk...milk,” you repeat. 

The coldness of the aisles contrast the heat outside coupled with the activity of walking. You don’t mind the cold air as it dries the drops of sweat on the back of your neck. Staring at the milk hidden away behind the glass door you finally make your choice of two percent. Right before turning around your gut instinctively curdles up. The milk crashes onto the floor after slipping from your twig like fingers and in front of you stands the siren except in her human physicality. 

“Kaja!” she cries.

Your brain is signalling you a million things to say but you can’t say a single thing, you feel waves of heat flood your cheeks and ears. Tears build up behind your eyes and you’ve forgotten how air works. 

"Just say it," you silently remind yourself, you know you'd regret it if you didn't.

As swiftly as she appeared she floated away, leaving you in a puddle of milk and regret. You did not return to the astral plane that night, or ever again.