TRY

I’m currently standing outside my high school. Today is our 10 year reunion. And I desperately don’t want to go in. I don’t even know why I came here. Everyone was so excited on the group chat, wanting to reunite with old pals and see what everyone is up to. The truth is, I am so scared to go in. Not because I haven’t done anything useful with my life for the past 10 years, but because I haven’t really found myself yet. 

After high school, I ended up becoming a doctor. I am a successful Pediatrician in one of the best hospitals in the country. I own a house, a car. But those are just material things, I have gone on countless dates throughout the years, but no one has stuck. Plus, I’m not getting any younger and I have always wished to have kids. Be a mom. Take them to school. Read them bedtime stories. Cook for them. My friends tell me I can just get a sperm donor. But I long to share my life with someone. To have a partner. 

I had that once. And he’s coming to the reunion. 

We met in high school. He was a year younger than me. We shared a lot of activities together, but just as friends. We didn’t start dating until we were both in college. We were together for 5 years, up until my last year of med school. That’s when things got complicated. I was going off to residency abroad, and he was moving to another city to start his music career. We decided to part ways. Long distance relationships are very hard, and we both wanted to concentrate on our careers. However, I did wish we had given it a chance. At least try. 

We remained in touch for a couple of months, until we just stopped texting each other. I didn’t lose interest. I still love him. It was just hard talking to him and not being able to see him, touch him. He isn’t very active in social media so I have no idea what he has been up to for the last couple of years. I can’t tell you how many times I have opened up our text messages, looking for something to say. But I just couldn’t.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw he confirmed he was coming tonight. What does he look like now? Is he married? Does he have kids? All of these thoughts are going through my head when I decide to go inside. I can’t just stand outside like a crazy person. 

The school doesn’t really look any different from when I went here. Lockers are the same. Decorations are the same. I hear loud conversations coming from the gym. I walk over there. I see lots of people from my year. They all have drinks in their hands and are mingling.

And then I see him. He is on his phone, on the far corner. He is wearing a navy blue suit, with a white shirt. No tie. He’s grown a beard. It suits him. God, he looks amazing. I don’t see a wife nearby, but that doesn’t mean anything. Should I walk over to where he is and say hi? I have never been so nervous before, not even during my first day of intern year. 

He looks up and sees me. I am wearing a black dress and heels. My hair has some natural waves. I did my makeup so my eyes would really stand out and I put on a nude lip. I hope he likes what he sees. Oh my god, he is walking over here. I try to pretend that I’m very interested in my text messages. Just casual. 

“Long time no see”, he says, with a smile on his face. 

I smile at him. Just looking into his eyes brings me comfort and I am no longer nervous. I mean, we know each other. We were friends. We were a couple. 

“How have you been?”, I ask, over the loud music playing in the gym. I guess whoever organized the reunion wants us to dance. There is no way I am doing that. 

“Do you want to go outside and catch up? I can’t hear anything over this music and I fancy a smoke.”

I agree. I need a smoke too. I know. A doctor who smokes. I don’t do it often, just when I need to relieve some stress. We decide to go out front and sit on the steps. He hands me a cigarette and I light it. It feels so good. 

“You look amazing”, he says. I blush. “You do too”, I say. “I like the beard.”

He laughs. “Yeah, I’m going for this rugged look. So, I’m sorry for the bluntness, but are you here with anyone?”

I definitely wasn’t expecting that. I consider my options. Should I tell him I’m alone but I have a boyfriend or husband who just couldn’t make it, or should I just tell him the truth? I decide to go for the latter. “I’m by myself. I haven’t been taking dives into the dating pool as of lately. What about you? Did you come here with your girlfriend?” I pause. “Or wife, I mean.”

“I’m here alone, too. I’m really embarrassed to say this, but I came here hoping I would run into you.”

What???? If he wanted to see me, why didn’t he just text me or contact me through social media? But, if I think about it, I wanted to see him too and I never reached out due to fear. 

“Yeah, I was hoping I would run into you too”, I say. I stare deeply into his eyes. What is it that we are doing here? 

“I’m sorry I never wrote to you. I’m sorry that we faded out. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. I’ve missed talking to you, seeing you lovely face, making you laugh. I know we were young when we were together, but I always thought you were the one. I always wondered what would have happened if we had remained a couple. What if we had tried the long distance relationship?”

I used to wonder that too, at least for the first couple of months of my residency. We were so used to being together that I longed for him. I felt like I couldn’t be myself without him in my life. But, soon, I realized that you can’t go through life wondering what if. You will end up stuck in the past, and you won’t enjoy the present. The now. I tell him all of this. “And I’ve missed you, too”, I add. His face lights up.

“I guess you are right. I just wanted to say that I’ve missed you. Are you working in the city?”

“I moved back after my residency. I ended up becoming a Pediatrician. What about you?”

“I’ve been in town for a couple of months now. I put up my own recording studio and production company. I realized that my love of music comes from producing, mixing music. Not me singing with my guitar.”

“That’s amazing. I’m very proud of you. I know how hard you have worked towards your dream. I’m glad you were able to achieve it.”

“It means a lot coming from you. I would love to give you a tour of the studio sometime.”

“That’d be great”, I say. 

We just sit there, looking into each other’s eyes. I notice he starts leaning in. Is he about to kiss me? I quickly stand up and say, “We should get back inside.”

He gets up too. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I guess seeing each other again brought back a lot of memories and I couldn’t help but try to kiss you.”

I sigh. “I know. And I do want to kiss you. But I’d like to take things slow. We had such an intense couple of years together. I was heartbroken when you decided to end it. I now know it was for the best. We were both able to succeed in our fields and not worry about trying to catch flights to visit each other. I’m just not sure if I want this again. I can’t have my heart broken again by the same guy.” 

“I understand. I had a hard time too. I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t love you anymore, or because I wanted to see other people. I broke up with you because I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t just pack up my things and follow you to your residency. I knew that if we were still together, I couldn't live on the other end of the country. I would miss you too much.  I loved you so much. I love you so much. But I knew I had to do it in order to follow the path of my career.”

I don’t know what to say. All those years ago, I had thought he ended our relationship because he didn’t love me enough to endure the harshness of all the kilometres that separated us. 

I take a deep breath and say, “I tried writing so many times. I just couldn’t find the words. The truth is, I’ve missed you too. So much. And I never stopped loving you. I have thought about you every day, since we said goodbye at the airport. I thought you were the one.” 

“I am the one for you. And you are the one for me. Love isn’t easy. We both needed to part ways in order to follow our dreams, but we are now reunited. I never would have forgiven myself if you decided to change your residency hospital because of me. You are the best at what you do, or so I’ve read in all of the articles online.”

I sit back down. I don’t know what to say. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long. I’m speechless. He notices this. 

“What I’m trying to say is, why don’t we give it a try? We love each other. We are both living in the same city. And, honestly, now that I’ve found my way back to you, there’s not a chance of me letting you go. What do you say?”

I’ve always thought that this type of thing happened in movies. The boy and the girl reunite and get back together. But this isn’t a movie. It’s real life. It 's my life. And I have to make a decision. He was the love of my life during my 20s. And he still is. Everyone talks about “the one”. He is my one. I’ve never laughed harder at anyone’s jokes, longed for someone’s hugs when I was sad. I’ve never loved anyone like this before. I’ve been on countless dates after we broke up, but he was still in my head, and in my heart. I don’t want to ask myself “what if?” again. 

I stand up and grab the sides of his face. And I do it. I kiss him. I feel butterflies in my stomach. I feel like there’s sparks everywhere. Fireworks going off. And he kisses me back. He grabs my waist and kissed me harder. We stop.

“At least one good thing came out of this high school reunion”, he says.

We both laugh and walk back inside, hand in hand. 

It never hurts to give it a try. We can’t be in control of everything. Neither of us knows what is going to happen tomorrow, or in 3 months, or in a year. I’m just glad we are together again, ready to tackle whatever life throws at as. I couldn’t be happier to have him by my side. So, what comes next? I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.