Letters to Surabaya

Letters to Surabaya

Dearest Daniel,                                              28/8/93

I ‘ve just got home from the airport and I miss you already. 

When you left, you took the better part of me with you.

How am I going to get through the next year without you?

It’s too hard.

I can’t write any more.

I have no soul. No spirit. 

I have nothing without you.

Amil.

Darling Amil,                                                 6/9/93

I know, honey. I do. 

But, it will be alright, I promise. Please believe what I told you. I’m coming back for you and we will be together forever.

It will happen, my love. It’s going to be hard but a year will go by so quickly, you’ll see.

It’s hard for us, but let’s look forward, my love. It’s just a few months and then everything will be great. We’ll have the next fifty years together if we can just get through this year.

Smile for me, darling. Smile for me and for our love.

Forever your ‘mysterious boy’.

Dan

Dearest my love,                                              14/9/93

Ah, you! You made me smile again. You still remember when I called you ‘mysterious boy’.

It’s true. You are mysterious.

You came all the way from England to my country alone and when we met on the beach in Bali, you didn’t smile once. You just mumbled a few words and stared at the sand.

Ah, thank you!

I miss you more now, but I am smiling again now.

Come soon, my love. Come to me, ya?

Please be serious. I can trust you, right?

I love you and need you.

Your little love,

Amil

Darling Amil,                                                    22/9/93

How are things there? I think about you every day, all the time, and I picture all the things we did over and over again in my mind.

Meeting your friends and family; going swimming together; travelling to Bali and looking for somewhere to stay when everywhere seemed to be fully booked.

I treasure those memories, my love. They keep me going until next time I see you. Just a few months to go.

Why do you ask if you can trust me? Of course you can, darling. I told you, didn’t I? I told you over and over again when I was there - it’s you, love: just you. Always will be.

Wait for me, ya?

Now, it’s getting cold in England. It will soon be dark early in the evening and in the morning. 

Not like in Indonesia, ya? It’s always warm and sunny there with you. Right?

I can’t wait to be back there with you. 

I will write again soon. Take care my love. I need you. I miss you.

Your love, Danny.

Dear Danny,                                                  1/10/93

Now it rains in Surabaya. It rains heavily. 

It rains and my heart cries. I cry. I miss you, Dan.

Come quickly ya.

Come now. I need you.

I am hopeless.

Your Amil.

Dearest Amil,                                               10/10/93

Ah, my love. It was so good to hear your voice on the phone again. Good, but sad.

Please don’t cry next time I call you, ya?

Be happy. Don’t think about the present. Think about the future. Think about next year, And five more years, And ten. And twenty, thirty, fourty.

That’s how long we will have together, my love. That’s how long we will be together and happy.

Remember how far we have come together in the three years we have known each other. From that first meeting on the beach in Bali in 1990, the two years of letters and postcards, my trip back to Indonesia to see you in August, and now this…

Yes, it’s hard, but it’s not forever. Just a few months.

Here we are all well. You asked me on the phone if my family all agree about us being together and if they will allow me to come and live with you in Indonesia.

That made me smile, Amil. I am 24 years old. I am a man. They can’t stop me. Ha ha ha…

But seriously, they don’t want to stop me. They know all about you and they are all happy for us, don’t worry.

Now I am just saving up as much money as I can, and as I told you on the phone, I am trying to learn Indonesian. I am studying with books and cassettes and I think I am slowly getting better. I will keep practicing and maybe next time I call you, we can say a few words to each other in your language.

Well, I must go soon. I am in my office and I will have to start work in a few minutes.

How about you? How are your studies? You said you have one more year until you graduate, is that right?

Ok, write soon if you have time. 

Take care, my love. I miss you so much. Say a prayer for each other every night, and see you soon, God willing.

All my love forever,

Dan

Dearest my Dan,                                              18/10/93

Thanks love. You cheer me up. I am happy and hopeful again.

It will all be alright won’t it? The dark days will turn to light again soon, won’t they?

I love you,

Your Amil.

Hi darling,                                                   18/12/93

Nice to talk to you on the phone again this morning. I am sorry you are not feeling well at the moment.

Maybe you are too tired? Take a rest, try not to worry, eat well and try and be happy. 

Here it is very cold and Christmas is nearly here. Everybody seems to be a bit happier but it is difficult for me to smile a lot at the moment. I miss you a lot.

The streets in London look nice, I guess, with the decorations but I am really not in the mood for celebrating this year.

Hopefully this will be the last year I am here.

Looking forward to our life together, Amil.

All my love always,

Your Dan.

Dear Amil,                                                    5/1/94

Hi love. Are you OK? I haven’t received any news from you for a couple of weeks now.

I’m worried, darling. 

I tried to call you a couple of times also but couldn’t seem to get a connection.

Please let me know if you are alright.

I miss you. I need you. I love you.

Dan.

Amil, my dear.                                                   20/1/94

Where are you? Are you ok?

Talk to me, love. Please.

Dan.

Dear Mr Frackley,                                                2/2/94

My name is Riyanto Fibisini. I am a classmate of Ms Amil at the Soetomo University in Surabaya.

Amil spoke often of you, Mr Dan, when we saw her at school, but now I am so sorry to tell you this bad news.

Ms Amil has fallen sick and is in hospital. She has caught malaria and is having treatment now. She is very weak but the doctors say she should get better soon.

Please try not to worry too much. Me and her other friends will visit her often until she gets well again.

You can send me your letters and I will read them or give them to Ms Amil.

Thank you, Mr Frackley.

Dear Riyanto,                                               8/2/94

Thank you for your letter and for letting me know about Amil.

How is she now? How long has she been in hospital? When will she be released? What did the doctors say?

I know I am asking many questions, but I am so worried. 

Please see if you can answer my questions and please tell Amil how worried I am about her and how much I miss and love her.

Is it possible I can call her in the hospital?

Thank you, Riyanto.

Daniel.

Dear Riyanto,                                            15/2/24

Hi. How are you? Is there any news of Amil?

I am going mad here worrying about her.

Daniel.

Dear Amil,                                              23/2/24

How are you? Where are you? Are you ok?

I need you.

Dan.

Darling Dan,                                          25/2/24

Hi my love. It’s me, Amil.

How are you? 

I’m so sorry. I have not been well. I have been in hospital with malaria but I am well now.

I think my friend Riyanto told you? He sent you a letter, ya? But then he had to go to Jogyakarta for his family business. Maybe you sent him more letters and he didn’t reply?

I’m so sorry to make you scared. Don’t be angry with me, ya? I miss you and need you more now, Dan.

Come to me soon, Dan. Come quick. I love you. I need you.

I am crying now because I think of you; your face; your innocent smile and you worrying about me. I am sorry, my love. My mysterious boy.

Don’t be sad. You have me. I have you. Be strong my love. Be strong for me and our future together.

Come soon. I need you.

All my love, darling. I mean it. I swear it. I love you.

My darling.

Amil

Darling Amil,                                            3/3/94

I am so happy to receive your letter but so sad to hear you have been so sick. I wish I was there now to look after you and take care of you.

I should be there. I should be the one to accompany you everywhere and to make sure you are well and happy and safe.

I will be soon. I promise. I will tell my job soon that I am leaving and I am coming to you.

I’m coming. Maybe just 3 more months.

Be strong. Don’t get sick again.

My love.

Dan.

Darling Dan,                                        11/3/94

Really? You are coming soon? In 3 more months? Are you sure?

I am sorry you will leave your friends and family behind. Your job too.

Are you really sure? You must think over and over again if you really want to leave England and come and live here in Indonesia. It is hard here, you know.

If you are sure, I will be so happy. I love you so much. I will help you with everything. Do not worry. You will never be alone with me by your side.

Do you still study my language, Bahasa Indonesia? I will help you more.

Really? You are coming soon? Thanks love. You give me spirit now. 

I will always be well and strong with you by my side.

See you soon, my Dan.

Dear Amil,                                          2/4/94

I am arriving soon. I have told everyone and I have booked my ticket. 

I will arrive on May 30. Can you pick me up at the airport? 

The time has finally arrived, my love. All the waiting is almost over.

We have made it, darling. All the pain, the tears, the hoping and the sadness are almost over and our lives can really begin.

Thanks to God for His blessings and now we are going to be together forever.

Our dreams are coming true.

See you soon, darling. See you in my dreams and in my heart.

My love, my hope, my happiness. My everything.

Dan.

Dear God (or whoever),                             1/6/94

Why? Why did you do that? Why?

Did you think it was funny?

Why do it?

Why?

Why make the plane crash?

Why take my Dan?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Amil