14 comments

Romance Drama

“Oh my gosh!” Your friend squeals ecstatically as a questionably brilliant idea blooms in her mind. Holding her hands out as if she was trying to capture the perfect picture, she beams and nods firmly. “This will be perfect!” she giggles, cheeks glowing with a rosy haze. You glance at your friend through the reflection of the mirror in front of you, hands clenching momentarily and loosening again. 

The urge to question your friend’s intentions pull at every corner of your mind until you finally give in. “What?” your voice escapes in a cheerful groan; you have experienced enough of her antics to know when she is serious, and to your deep concern, she is. The word seems to pull her back to reality where she lands with a hard thump, obviously disappointed that you haven’t guessed yet. 

“Well… there’s this guy…” she trails off waiting for your looming objections to quit circling so she can fend them off. You hesitate, words caught in your throat like a mouse in a trap. She wiggles her eyebrows at you, grinning mischievously. “I knew that you didn’t really want to be alone forever!” A dramatic sigh flutters from her pursed lips as if she has waited for this moment her entire life.

##

The warm smell of body odor and aftershave greets you like an old friend when you enter the room. A lone figure lays sprawled on your bed, idly flipping through one of your old comics. Your brows raise slightly at the unexpected sight, but you force yourself not to be too surprised.

“I didn’t think you were able to read.” The words are a low rumble deep in your throat, quiet but filled with thinly veiled laughter. Your friend looks up from his spread-eagle position on your mattress. He ignores the jab and tosses the comic to the corner of your room where piles of other miscellaneous objects have gathered. You have tried to tell him not to but gave up long ago.

“I had the greatest idea today…” Collin says, sitting up to face you. He smirks slightly, the corners of his saltwater eyes crinkling. 

“That’s dangerous,” you say with a teasing grin, waiting for him to finally cut to the chase. His smirk grows deeper, carving grooves into the sharp planes of his face until it becomes a barely restrained smile.

“There’s this girl…” he trails off, monitoring your reaction with catlike eyes and a grin too big for his face. You keep your brow carefully smooth, refusing to let him see even a hint of your concern. His uncanny ability to read your expressions has always unsettled you.

##

From your first step out of the house, you knew this night would be a bust. Something would go wrong. That instinctual knowledge has always warded you away from things, but tonight is your night. You refuse to let that underlying paranoia get to you. At least that is what you keep telling yourself. The tiny pessimistic voice seems to grow louder and louder the closer you get to the restaurant. It wails inside your brain, banging tiny hammers on the inside of your skull. 

Your hand hesitates on the brass handle and you are certain that when you open it there will be no going back. With a small self-conscious laugh, you throw your shoulders back. A deep breath filters in through your nose and with what might look like courage, you step inside.

##

She is late.

You knew that none of Collin’s ideas were promising ideas. But in a lone second of weakness, you let your constant mantra slip. You let unreasonable hopes fill your mind, and for all, you know this was a prank that Collin had made up. Your hands clench around the crisp white tablecloth, trying to find an outlet for your mounting frustration. Grip gradually loosening, you attempt to smooth out the wrinkles created by trying to strangle an inanimate object. 

A single strip of light from the closing door illuminates a silhouette cautiously approaching your table. Long, thin fingers gently pull the chair across from you away from the table. She sits with a graceful thump and introduces herself. Her fingers twist in her auburn hair that has been carefully curled.

“You’re Dylan, right?” Her smooth, quiet voice carries over the din of the crowded restaurant. It reminds you of the ocean you swam in as a child, calm and warm, the water speckled with golden light.

##

“Um… yeah. Yep. I am Dilan.” Your cheeks pull back into a dimpled smile as one of the many things that could go wrong is crossed off your list. The reassurance doesn’t last long; your list went on for several pages, but it helps ease a little bit of your anxiety. “And you must be Samantha?”

“Well… no. It is just Sam.” He smiles at you, warmth sparkling behind his eyes. 

From across the room you see someone sitting alone at a table, sipping water from a nearly empty cup. An oceanic swell of relief fills you again, At least I’m not sitting alone in a corner, you think to yourself. 

##

            Why am I even still here?

            The thought makes you take another minuscule sip of water. The glass is almost empty and the staff stopped paying any attention to you a while ago. You know that if she hadn’t come yet, she probably won’t show up at all. Her friend made her seem so nice, but it can be hard to see clearly through rose-tinted glasses. You look wistfully at the couple across the room, conversing easily with each other.

            Most of the time you don’t bother to do things like this, but to your surprise, you were actually excited. Her friend had given you the bare minimum of details about the girl you were supposed to be meeting. 

            She is smart, you repeat the few facts in your mind. 

            She has been scared to do anything like this, a sad smile pulls up the corners of your mouth.

            Sam, her name is Sam. Not Samantha. 

August 28, 2020 23:37

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14 comments

Mark D
05:14 Oct 08, 2020

Interesting choice to have the narrator tell all the stories about me. One doesn't really encounter second person narration very often. Took a bit to get used to but I enjoyed the stories.

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Louise Coley
17:05 Sep 28, 2020

Great twist ending and your descriptions in the section where she left for the date were far too relatable! This was really uniquely written- I've not read much 2nd person POV before. It did occasionally take me a while to figure out who was speaking, just because of the fast pace and the number of POV changes... This could be as simple to fix as having a few more ”you/he/she said”s or choosing just one character to be in 2nd person and having the rest in 3rd. Maybe each section could have a subtitle like ”Him”, ”her”...and then ”the other h...

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A. S.
17:44 Sep 28, 2020

Thank you for the feedback! I was trying to figure out a way to make it clearer but it always ruined the sense of mystery.

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D. Holmes
02:43 Sep 15, 2020

Oh, I loved that twist at the end! The irony that what she is relieved didn't go wrong actually went wrong...but if she was hoping to hit it off with a blind date, did it really go wrong? Great take on the prompt! May I ask, why is it called "Thorns"? Does it have something to do with the rose-tinted glasses?

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A. S.
13:09 Sep 15, 2020

Thank you! I called it “Thorns” because even though it turned out well for her, it ended up hurting someone else. Almost like a rose bush, there are always two sides to the story.

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Yolanda Wu
06:09 Sep 12, 2020

Wow, the language and descriptions you use are just so mesmerising and wonderful. I always love a good second person point of view and the little snapshots of scenes was really well done. Amazing work!

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A. S.
19:31 Sep 12, 2020

Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!

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. .
22:52 Sep 01, 2020

I was so hooked and just had to keep reading! Extremely well done on the prompt, super creative!

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A. S.
23:52 Sep 01, 2020

Thank you! I’m so happy that you liked it.

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. .
00:02 Sep 02, 2020

Np

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B Easton
22:51 Aug 29, 2020

Hi so great story. I was engaged pretty much throughout and liked the switching back and forth as well as a lot of the descriptions. I do wish we could've got a little more of them interacting though.

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A. S.
23:09 Aug 29, 2020

Thank you! I will definitely keep that in mind!

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02:11 Aug 29, 2020

Interesting story, a bit confusing to figure out who's talking, but overall it is as engaging as it is mysterious and curious.

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A. S.
11:46 Aug 29, 2020

Thank you! Do you have any suggestions to make it clearer who’s point of view we are in?

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