Where's the peace???

It's been a minute since I sat down, had a cup of tea, got through a book, or even started a new show. I barely watch television anymore because I don't have the time. When I make an effort to seek out some silence, I fail. I either get distracted from emails, or my phone notifications blow up and they are always important. I started my first year of college two months ago and my two roommates Carly, Sabrina and I live six blocks off campus. I have always been hard working, but when I start something, it's impossible for me to stop.

"Sabrina, what are you doing?" I asked then removed her headphones as she's making "hu hu hu" noises like she's in the middle of a karate lesson. I'm confused by how that's a meditation.

"Am I bothering you?"

"Are you meditating?" I asked. She sees how perplexed I seem in my face.

"Well yeah."

"Isn't meditation suppose to be I don't know, silent? You sound like you're doing contraction exercises and is in the middle of a karate lesson at the same time."

"Well." She said that in an agitated tone. She shouldn't have a reason to be the one who's aggravated. She turns around on the rug from me while she puts her headphones back over her ears.

"I guess I'll go somewhere else." I paused the meditation on my phone in an app I downloaded, then I proceeded outside. No one is out except for a man lawn mowing two doors down. I sit up with a straight back like a string is pulling me from the top of my head. I hit play as I'm sitting on the porch.

Breathe. You are all alone, walking in a green forest. Now feel the

fresh air that's blowing against your flesh-

"GOSH!" I shouted at the man two houses down like he can hear me. The sound is louder than I anticipated. Then to top it off, there's a motorcycle gang in the middle of the street. There are about twelve middle aged guys waiting to proceed. I stand up then

stomp up the stairway.

"I bought you your sugar worms!" Carly says as she hands me them.

"Ugh thanks. I actually needed this." I don't hesitate to take them. I make a stop to the bathroom because I have to go pee.

When Sabrina is out of the living room, I see that now I can squeeze in some meditation time. My heart subtly jumps with joy as I sit in the spot where she was sitting while she was doing her own version of "meditation."

Breathe. You are all alone, walking in a green forest. Now feel the

fresh air that's blowing against your flesh. Silent your mind, rest

your hands and-

"LET'S GO!" Carly shouts, making me jump. Adding to all of the

screaming she's doing to an imaginary crowd, she bangs on her

new set of drums. My heart goes from temporary joy to me crying internally. She also keeps repeating the same beat.

I give up.

Dear God, is it not meant for me to be alone by myself in silence? I place my hands in my palms and started to weep on the floor. "Brenda?" I hear Sabrina coming out of our swinging kitchen door. She has a plate with chips and a ham and cheese sandwich. I tell her that I'm fine, even if she can clear as day see that I'm not.

"Have you finished your meditation? Why are you crying?" Sabrina takes a seat on the couch while I'm still sitting on the floor. She offers me some of her sandwich, as I hear my stomach growling, I take the other half. The candy that I ate didn't fill me up one bit. I don't bite into the sandwich right then. I instead started playing with the lettuce Sabrina has hanging out on the sides.

"No I haven't. I can't find anywhere where there is peace and quiet." Now I bite the sandwich.

"Library?" She simply suggests. I never went to the library to meditate. But it would be the perfect place. "Oh... you're right."

I place the bitten sandwich back on her plate and get up.

"Where's my jacket? Oh here." I take it off of the couch where I swung it across when I got back home.

"I'll see you later!"

"Glad I could help!" She shouts as I'm shutting the door.

I have to go all the way to the library to meditate. Wow. This guy

passed me on my drive there and gave me a wink from his car. He had on a black jacket while he's leaning out of the car with his one arm.

I gave a shy smile because he's cute. I know he's not going to the library.

I take my bottled water and sit it on the table, put my jacket at the back of the chair, sit and press play.

"Excuse me. Do you have a pencil sharpener?"

I opened one eye. Then both as I felt someone poke my shoulder.

"Hi." I say as I'm surprised to see that it was the same guy in the car.

"Sorry to interrupt your meditation."

"It's alright. Um, here." I rummage through my tote bag and hand him the sharpener.

"Thanks. I'll bring it right back."

"Okay." I turn around back in my seat.

I give up, again.

When I see him coming back, he asks is everything okay. I literally tell him that I've been trying to complete this meditation all day.

"Oh wow. I'm sorry. I'll go."

"I wouldn't mind company right now." I don't want to sound thirsty but I wouldn't mind his company.

"What's your name?"

"It's Brenda."

"Ashton here."

"Nice."

"You have a nice name. Every Brenda that I met in my lifetime, I liked. So that's a good thing." I stare into his pretty eyes.

I can try to meditate tonight at bedtime.