银湖(The silver Lake)

十年生死两茫茫，不思量，自难忘。

千里孤坟，无处话凄凉。

纵使相逢应不识，尘满面，鬓如霜。

夜来幽梦忽还乡，小轩窗，正梳妆。

相顾无言，惟有泪千行。

料得年年肠断处，明月夜，短松冈。

(Ten years, dead and living dim and draw apart.

I don’t try to remember,

But forgetting is hard.

Lonely grave a thousand miles off,

Cold thoughts, where can I talk them out?

Even if we met, you wouldn’t know me,

Dust on my face,

Hair like frost.

In a dream last night suddenly I was home.

By the window of the little room,

You were combing your hair and making up.

You turned and looked, not speaking,

Only lines of tears coursing down.

Year after year will it break my heart?

The moonlit grave,

The stubby pines.)

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     It had been 10 years since I last seen my wife, Cai and my 1 year old son. The sound of their screams haunt me in my sleep every time I close my eyes. I can’t be anywhere near fire without having a emotional breakdown and because of this, I removed the stove from my kitchen and now only use a microwave. Now that I think about it I barely use it, probably because I’m always eating takeout. I use to love when my wife would cook for the family. Wok Tossed Veggies in Honey and Black Bean Glaze, Veg Hakka Noodles,she could make any and everything. God I miss her so much.

     December 17,2010, me and Cai were in our lovely village home in the Xijiang Qianhu Miao Village. It was particularly cold that night, so we had to board up the windows and stay close to the fire. Till this day I’ll never understand how it happened. My son was helping Cai cook while I was preparing to go out into the cold due to us not having enough fire wood. My family wished me luck and I went into the forest. While the cold weather was beating me down, I was still determined to collect what I went out there for. After collecting more then enough, I headed back to my home. But something didn’t feel right. I felt the need to hurry back, but I just brushed it off as the cold messing with my mind. 

     As I made my way back, the smell of smoke hit the atmosphere. There, just far in the distance I saw black smoke arising into the air. It nearly covered the tall trees and filled the air, making it hard to breathe. Then I noticed it, the smoke was coming from the same direction as my home. I dropped everything in hand and rushed back. The sound of my shoes crushing every leaf and twig in my path echoed into the night. I prayed and prayed that it wasn’t my house. 

By the time I got there it was too late. My home was in flames and filled with black thick smoke. People were already there trying to put the fire out. I tried to go in but they stopped me. You have to let me go my family is in there! They weren’t even listening and there I watched in horror as my home was destroyed and my family was gone. I’ve never been right since.

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  Fast forward to now. I live alone and I barely go outside. Only on special occasions do I meet family . They think I need help because all I do is sit in the house. I still keep my wife and son’s pictures up. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy because I talk to them. My father says that if I can’t let go of my family’s death, they can’t Rest In Peace. I didn’t believe it. I would let go but I miss them so much.

   I remember when my wife was pregnant,we used to go to this pond just off the side of the village. The water was crystal blue and the sight of the pretty fish in various colors was just beautiful. She used to tell me that each fish represented a soul that was put at peace. I still didn’t believe. Ever since her passing, I visit that pond on the day of her death and sit there for at least three hours,thinking about all the positive things in our lives. Every time I go, I bring our wedding photo. I noticed that people leave things behind at the pond knowing that was her favorite place to go.

   I’m not ready for today. I do have a option, I can either just go home and sleep or I can pay my respects. I thought long and hard and I decided to pay respects. I had all day to get everything situated. Then I got a call from my mother. Shit, I forgot I had to visit her today. Great, just what I needed today, a change of plans. When I did decide to visit my mother, she gave me a piece of paper with a Chinese poem written on it. She told me that when I go visit the pond, I must read the poem out loud. You’ve got to release your family’s spirit, she said, or they will be trapped on this planet due to you. 

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   I don’t believe in that kind of stuff. To me it’s just nonsense coming from my elderly mother. But could it be true? I checked my watch, it was almost time for me to go. I was anxious now and I didn’t know why. Was my mother’s words getting to me.. No. I checked my watch again it was time, the sun almost gone. I panicked, rushing into my car and driving as fast as I could. Luckily I made it due to less traffic. I walked on the crunchy sand and placed a seat next to the things other people had placed there. In one hand, I had my family portrait and in the other, a white Lilly. I watched calmly as the sun set, placing the flower on the water and watching it drift away. 

I was about to head home when I noticed something white in the corner of my eye. It was... two white Koi, but they were like the others they were glowing. I watched as the bigger koi and the little one pushed the Lilly back my way. Stunned, I sat back down wondering what they were doing. I picked the Lilly up but noticed that the fish didn’t move, like they were trapped. Then it hit me. You’ve got to release your family’s spirit or they will be trapped on this planet due to you. The poem. I reached into my pocket and started to read.

我们及时学习，悲伤只是爱的一部分。这是您要付出的全部爱，却无法做到。

(Grief, we learn in time, is just a part of love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot). I began to cry because I knew what I had to do. I took my family’s picture and placed on the edge of the pond. I took the poem and put it in the water. I watched it dissolve and break apart. I saw the white koi swim back only this time, they started making a circle like in the form of the moon. The once messed up paper began to wrap around them, regaining its previous form. I looked up and saw my wife holding my son’s hand. Her skin was so pale and white. She looked down at me and without moving her lips, she said you set us free. They turned around and walked in the direction of the moon as it sat at the edge of the horizon. Then they disappeared. I stood up, not upset but remorseful. It felt good to let go, now knowing that they are at peace.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: for those who may be confused this story is short but tells a interesting story. So if you have any questions regarding the plot feel free to comment.