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Drama Sad Teens & Young Adult

This story contains themes or mentions of suicide or self harm.

Prologue 

The home alarm went off. I heard a loud crash. Someone was trying to kill me! I screamed. There was blood everywhere! My head was throbbing. They had me on the floor. I couldn't see anything except a blur of a shadow. I think it was a man standing over me with his knife. Another man had his arm wrapped around me and was holding me. My head pounded, and it felt hot, as if it were on fire. A voice yelled, Get up. You're going to be alright. We've got you. Get up, get up. I didn't move and I thought I'd die. I heard the voice telling me to get up once again. It sounded like a girl. A little girl. A high pitched voice. She sounded nervous, but also I could feel a sign of hope coming from her voice. "Get up!" She screamed again. I slowly started being able to see the shadow above me. It looked like a recognizable face. Definitely a man. He was white, and had short brown hair. I knew I had seen him at some point in my life. I couldn't put my finger on it, but he was familiar. This fight wasn't one of the normal ones. This was different. The room started to spin. Then I felt the ground beneath my feet, the floor of my bedroom. Everything was spinning. And I didn't know if I was still alive. There was no time for thinking. Just the spinning of everything. All the while I thought I saw someone in my bathroom doorway. 

“Sam,” I winced. “Everything will be okay. I remember coming into reality for a split second. There was no little girl anymore. Just me, one man hovering over me and Sam. The man above me was calling me “butterfly.” I looked in his eyes, and there above me stood my father. Not a strange man. It was my brother Sam, My dad and me, Daisy. All of us in my room, I could hear my brothers scream, get quieter and my dads nicknames fade into silence. They disappeared and it was just me in the room. All silent. They disappeared. I took one big breath, and then I disappeared as well.  

Two Days Before

Teenagers have way too many responsibilities. My parents tell me to take my brother Sam to his friends, get the groceries, and get good grades. First of all… Sam+Friends=Sam. Sam has no friends. Zero, so I don’t know where I have been taking him, but there is no way in heck it is to a “friends” house. Sometimes I feel genuinely bad for him. My dad has been making “playdates” for him because he has been a freak ever since mom passed. I don’t know why he is so sad about it. Literally it was my mom being a selfish brat. She had a great life and decided to take it away. The most selfish part of it was that she left a note telling us things we HAVE to do. She assigned a task for each of us. My dad has been too busy trying to be happy. He recently got into a baking phase. He does not know how to bake. AT ALL!! He misses mom too much. He needs to get over it, and realize she messed up. Sam is not going to do anything because he's too busy swimming and, “making friends” he won’t do anything at all. Then there's me. The one everyone relies on, but they don’t even realize they rely on me. I have to do everything for everyone, and do I get a thank you? No. No, I do not, so thanks a lot mom for leaving me with the task to protect Sam and dad no matter what, because why worry about me? No reason, just have to help everyone else. All I can do is be mad at her because even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have time to mourn her loss.

 I am sixteen years old. I am a sophomore in highschool, and have to take on the responsibility my mom had. I wish she was here, just so I could ask her why. Why would she leave Sam and my dad? It makes no sense, but she did. Ever since she left us I have been seeing things. Hearing things. My friend tells me it is because I miss my mom, and I am just paranoid, but it is different. It feels like I am being watched. Everytime I go outside there are the same two cars across the street. No one has ever lived in that house. The lights are always off, and the big tree no longer grows leaves. A week after mom died there have been two cars parked outside the house. A blue Jeep with a Whitney Houston bumper sticker, and a brown Tesla; all scratched up. The cars are always on, but the windows are too tinted to see inside. 

I had to wake my brother up for school. He was in pain this morning. My dad fell asleep while making brownies late last night, so I walked him to the couch, and he's been passed out there since then, so I thought I would just be nice and let him sleep in late. He would make me drive Sam to school anyway. “Ah sorry i’m too burned out,” “Sorry buddy I have to send an email to the president,” he would say, but in reality he sunk too far into his big puddle of depression. Anyway, I woke Sam up, and gave him breakfast, and made his lunch, but of course, I have to take off the crust of the ham sandwich. I don’t want to have another worry of him not eating anything. We got into the car, and I let him sit in the front. He said he promised he wouldn’t tell dad. It was cute, so I caved. I remember him screaming my name, and asking me if we are famous. I told him no, and if he keeps asking questions I will make him walk. He shut up for a good thirteen seconds. Until I looked out my left window, and noticed the camera. The Tesla car window was rolled down and out of it hung two very hairy white arms and an old looking Polaroid camera. The ones with the rainbow on the front. I saw him snap a picture, and point the camera in our direction. He poked his head out the window, and for a split second we made eye contact. I have seen him before. He was at moms funeral. I do not know how he knew mom, but he was there. 

I let my brother out of the car for school, and told him to have a good day. I was supposed to go to school after I dropped him off, but I decided to skip. Mom wouldn’t have cared if she got an undetermined absence from me, and dad is probably still asleep. I went back to the house, and the cars were gone. Both of them were completely gone, so I did what every dumb teenager would do during the most suspenseful point of a horror movie. I went up to the dusty doorstep and opened the door. There she was in front of me. With short hair, now black, and a green ugly dress. She looked at me and said my name. I remember looking straight in her eyes thinking I was dead, or actually crazy and would have to go to insaneasylum. I let out a  scream and dropped to the ground.  

The Day Of

I remember waking up the next morning thinking I had the weirdest dream. I thought I dreamt of my mom in the house across the street with the big tree in the front yard. I dreamt I opened the door and there before me stood my mom. Dressed in a hideous dress. I sat up from where I was laying on the ground, and stretched my arms up real high to stretch them out. I heard a scream, and got out of my zen moment. I popped up really fast only then realizing my dream was actually a reality. I went in my pocket to reach for my phone, but it wasn’t there. There I was stranded in the house across the street. 

I remember it so clearly. As if it were yesterday. The door of the room slowly creaked open and there right in the doorway was my mom. I remember being scared. I thought she was a ghost. Then my worry went all to my brother and how he might not get to school in time. She sat down next to me, let out a sigh, and said “hello my little butterfly.” I didn’t know what to do. Cry? Scream? Laugh? Pass out? Hug her? Thankfully she got to that first and said she will answer all of the questions soon, but first she needed my help. I thought I was surely dead, so I just went along with it. She said there is a strange man after dad, Sam, and I. He wants to kill Sam. I asked her why and she said she can’t reveal that information, and then she disappeared, and I woke up with a scare in my own bed at home. I screamed her name multiple times, but dad rushed into my room, and grabbed me tight, saying it will be okay. It was just a bad dream, and that I can get up. 

I finally felt okay. He was there holding me. The house was quiet. I asked him if Sam was asleep. My dad said yes, and we heard the sound of a crash and broken glass.

We both ran downstairs to see what was going on. Someone had Sam in his arms with a knife right by his neck. My dad ran upstairs to get his gun, while I was face to face with this man trying to kill my brother. He started hysterically laughing. He asked me if I was little Daisy, I said yes. He replied saying my mom always talked about me. I couldn’t stand this man. I had so many questions, but the one burning in my head was how he knew my mom. I asked him in the most mature way possible, and he simply told me all monotone and still that she was his first victim. The first person he killed. I felt my heart skip a beat. I looked up and my brother tried to squirm away, and the man said Sam will be his fifth.

I looked in my brother's oh so innocent eyes. We were both in total shock that mom didn't kill herself. I remember wondering maybe she actually did love us. She didn’t willingly leave. Sam screamed and asked why he would kill her, but the man continued laughing. My dad came downstairs with no gun in his hand. He walked over to us three. He looked the man in his eyes and told us mom died trying to save Sam. He told us that people are crazy for no reason, and some people's adrenaline can only run, by killing and killing because they aren’t happy with who they are, and so they are happy to see others dying in front of them, because it shows them that everyone feels pain. The man told my dad good job and rose the knife getting ready to kill my brother. 

His eyes were so sad. He wasn’t ready tp go. He has so much to live for. We all do. I told him I loved him, and he closed his eyes. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t let him go. He needed to live. He needs to grow up. Be happy and make friends. Fall in love. He can’t die this young.

I remember sprinting in front of him, and felt a sharp pain through my heart, then my head. I looked up at the ceiling light, and the room wouldn’t stop spinning. It was so loud, then so quiet. Everyone disappeared, and then I ended up here.

Epilogue 

The nurse looked at me with sad eyes. “Daisy, you are in the hospital. The man who tried to kill you guys was a bad man. The police say he used to date your mom, and he didn’t like how her kids weren’t his. He is a selfish man Daisy, but you saved your brother. He really wants to see you. Is that okay?” I nodded yes, expecting to see my little brother run into my arms. A young man walked in. “Hey Daisy,” he said. “It's me sam. It has been 17 years. I thought I lost you.” Behind him stood a little girl all dressed in yellow, she stumbled to my side. “Hi Aunt Daisy. My names Daisy too! My daddy says you saved his life a bunch of years ago.” Old man Sam started talking again. “Dads back at home decorating for you. So is my fiance. His name is Bradley. I want you to meet him. Are you ready to come home?” I nodded my head, but words couldn’t come out. My eyes were full of tears, and I smiled. The girl, Daisy, looked in my eyes, and hopped in the hospital bed with me. “Please Aunt Daisy,” She said with the biggest grin. “My daddy always talks about the sister who saved his life.” It felt like my tears were going to flood the room. Here I am in a hospital bed, for the last seventeen years. Above me stood my very own niece and my brother. Everything felt okay. I am loved, not forgotten.

January 27, 2023 18:42

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16 comments

Lily Finch
16:52 Jan 28, 2023

Mia, what I thought you did well was the setting up of your story. That was done very well. Another thing you did extremely well at was your transitions. One point someone raised with me that helped me out was to have an app where your story can be read back to you so you can hear it. Thank you for the good read.LF6

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Hannah K
19:05 Feb 01, 2023

Well crafted plot! Loved the suspense. I read it twice to make sure I didn't miss anything. Great plot twist at the end! I liked the part about the dad going through a baking phase, and the brother being weird and not having friends. Those were good comical touches!

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Susan Catucci
14:39 Jan 31, 2023

Hi Mia - you have an excellent voice and write characters that are interesting and feel real. I liked the way you described both action and emotion = compelling drama. Nice job. I agree with the comments from others here and something you will become used to is read, reread and re-reread again so you don't miss small typos that can distract the reader's attention. Your story is too good to have tiny things detract. You keep writing and I will keep reading!

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Foster Powell
12:58 Jan 31, 2023

Mia, I thoroughly enjoyed your story from the beginning. I was fascinated by the twist at the end as well, and I really like the way you set up the story structure with three separate pieces. I would’ve loved to see more dialogue as well! Anyways, great work. I look forward to seeing more of your stories!

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Mike Rush
03:51 Jan 31, 2023

Mia, I so enjoy stories in present tense progressive. Your momentum is so good through this piece. The description is well done and sucks us right into the story. Did not see the end coming! Huge flash forward. So much skipped over, I wonder if this is a book that wants to be written. Much to flesh out about the bad guy and his relationship with the mom, and of course, what happened in those 17 years. Great start! Thanks for posting this.

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Paige Estes
16:06 Jan 30, 2023

This is a well written story that keeps on moving!

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Wendy Kaminski
13:32 Jan 30, 2023

Hi, Mia, and welcome to Reedsy! First off, let me say you have some really good bones here! It's a great plot with some terrific twists, it's well-layered and your characters have motivations and development. Nicely done! Also, you as a writer seem to have an incredibly wry sense of humor. You should focus more on that! Not that this was a funny piece, and I don't mean just "straight funny," but some of your turns of phrase were so delightful as dark humor that it's clear it's going to be a strong suit of yours as you move forward in your ...

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Mia Mondry
14:58 Jan 30, 2023

Wendy, Thank you so much for the feedback. I really appreciate it, and will take your advice.

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Wendy Kaminski
15:15 Jan 30, 2023

You are very welcome! :-)

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Lori O'Grady
04:28 Jan 29, 2023

Well written. Moving story. Tell me more.

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Courtney McCray
04:03 Jan 29, 2023

This was amazing! Really well thought out can’t wait to read your next one:)

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Jerome Boresow
03:05 Jan 29, 2023

Great story ✅

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Andrew Burns
22:18 Jan 28, 2023

Very good

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Parker Monson
06:23 Jul 05, 2023

Incredible story

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Gracie Goldman
18:26 Apr 05, 2023

Incredible combination of suspense, imagery, and terror.

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Stevie Burges
09:19 Feb 02, 2023

good twisting plot. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

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RBE | Illustration — We made a writing app for you | 2023-02

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