No Body Wants to Work Anymore

The rain lashed against the lab windows like God was tapping along to a Neil Peart drum solo.

Victor Frankenstein gritted his teeth, his mop of a fringe plastered to his forehead by the sweat. He needed to hurry up; the storm would soon be upon him. He was so close, and if he didn’t have the creature ready in the next few minutes, he’d have to wait until the next storm. And who knew when that would be? No, it had to be now; it could not wait.

Lightning flashed on the horizon. Fifteen seconds later, the thunder rumbled, distant. The rain became heavier, striking the panes in sheets.

If only he still had Igor, there wouldn’t be any stress. But his “faithful” servant had left him up the proverbial creek without a rowing tool – the ingrate. So, now, Victor had to manage everything himself. Igor should be doing The Grunt Work whilst he busied himself with Brilliant Science. Now, he had to contend with stitching the creature and raising the platform himself. If only Igor hadn’t gotten so greedy and demanded more money and ‘better treatment’. It wasn’t that Victor couldn’t afford it. He was rich enough to chase these scientific dreams that earned no money without fear of poverty. But it was the sheer principle of it all. Why did nobody want to work anymore? Victor tutted, armed the sweat out of his eyes, and continued stitching like a madman.

Throughout the lab, strobing electrical devices crackled and arced blue sparks. Test tubes and bottles bubbled with neon liquids – green and purple. Now and then, the lab lights dimmed when the wind whipped against the building.

Victor’s top lip held beads of perspiration. His tongue stuck out the corner of his mouth, and his brow furrowed in concentration. All that focusing on bottling lightning had burned his retinas, damaging his eyesight. Was this why Igor had requested goggles, citing PPE laws and claiming workers’ rights? Bah, what nonsense! A real scientist handled reagents ungloved and pipetted with his mouth. It was about time that Igor understood how the world worked. With a final burst of focus, Victor stitched the last stitch and tied the end off. He let out his breath and stood back to survey his handiwork, using his fingers to frame the scene.

The creature lay on the platform, strapped down by the wrists and ankles. A bolt stuck out of each side of its neck, ready to receive the spark of life from the heavens. Its patchwork skin ranged from funeral-drum grey to putrescent green. The stitches adorning its body were wobbly, going from too close together to too far apart. The thread also had a few colours because Victor hadn’t purchased the new spools Igor had requested. He claimed the departmental budget didn’t allow it. He’d had to rummage in his junk draws for string scraps to sew the creature.

It was shoddy work. But Victor had done it in half the time Igor would have taken. Why did it take him so long to do this basic stuff? Whatever, it didn’t matter. The creature was ready, and the storm was here. It was time to take his place as the most outstanding scientist ever and give life to the inanimate. Victor pulled two cables from the lightning conductor at the head of the platform. He snapped each one onto the creature’s neck bolts using their crocodile clips. Grinning, he patted the creature’s barrel-shaped chest. ‘Not long, my friend. Soon, soon.’

The lift involved thick ropes and pulleys intertwined around axles, shafts, and wheels.

Victor’s eyebrow rose, and he tapped his chin with a finger. The lift system had been Igor’s baby, like Victor’s creature. Before Igor quit, he should’ve asked for a training session or a how-to guide. But how could he, the world’s most brilliant mind, ask his underling to teach him? The idea was preposterous. He could figure this out. Victor traced the cables with his eyes. He untied the bottom rope and gave it a cursory tug.

The platform groaned and shifted.

He nodded and pulled a so-so face. ‘Seems simple enough.’

Lightning exploded in the bloated, black firmament. A few seconds later, thunder boomed. The lights went completely out and flickered back to life a moment later.

His heart thump-thumped in his chest as if someone had hooked him up to that great battery in the sky. Victor felt alive for the first time in his existence. It was now or never. He took the rope in both hands and pulled.

The platform lifted an inch.

Victor gasped. Good God, it was heavy! No wonder Igor had such thick arms, heaving this thing up and down all day and night. Victor – a lab-dwelling nerd if there ever was one – had never been one for physical labour. He preferred instead to exercise his mind. He wrapped the rope around his hands, locked his legs into an A-pose, and heaved.

The platform shuddered and rose in fits and starts. It swung from side to side as Victor’s uneven, unpracticed pulls jerked it back and forth.

Veins popped out on Victor’s temples, and his gums throbbed from clenching his teeth so tight. It was a good job he’d strapped the bugger down. Otherwise, the poor chap would have rolled off the edge like a sibling who claimed the top bunk. He gasped, and he wheezed, and he pulled, and he pulled.

The roof opened as the platform reached the ceiling, sliding apart to offer a slice of the sky. Rain gushed through, cascading over the platform and pattering on the grimy linoleum. Cold air snaked inside, snatching up papers and scattering them.

Goosebumps prickled up all over Victor’s skin, and it wasn’t only because of the chill. The strength in his arms waned, and he yanked harder, thankful for the breeze drying the sweat on his skin.

The platform rose, plugging the roof until the rain trickled through in only dribs and drabs.

With shaking, too-weak hands, Victor fell on the pulley and wrapped the rope around, tying it off. He held onto it for a moment longer, not trusting it. He let go and leapt backwards.

But the pulley system held, and the platform remained.

He laughed at his strength, as well as his ingenuity. He was pretty brilliant, wasn’t he? He leaned against the pulley’s central column for a breath to wait until the feeling came back into his limbs. Once he could stand without collapsing like a sheet after the ghost had fled, Victor set to his destiny.

Brilliant Science.

He ran around – giggling – flipping switches, pulling levers, hitting buttons, turning dials. And then, at last, he slapped the big red button.

The lights went out for good.

Victor stood in the dark, his chest rising and falling, his breaths filling the silence. He waited.

Lightning zapped a rain-drenched tree in the garden. Thunder boomed.

He waited.

Another brilliant flash. The thunder was a second away.

He waited, tongue dangling from his mouth, fingers dancing over the button’s surface.

Lightning struck.

Victor hit the button.

The strobing devices flared blue, bathing the lab in electricity. Ozone plumed into the atmosphere. The lightbulbs exploded as the power surged into them. The machinery awoke, growing from a bowel-rumbling growl to a supersonic whine. Sparks danced across the floor, kissing the puddles where the rainwater pooled. And, up on the roof, something flared brighter than the sun.

Victor cackled. ‘Live my child, LIVE!’

Overhead, lightning flashed once more. It boomed a little softer as the storm lumbered past like a bear who’d decided it could find better food elsewhere.

He struggled for air as the whole world around him held its breath. Hands quaking, he untied the rope and steadied himself against the platform’s weight. He let it slip through his fingers, inches at a time, whining under the strain.

The platform wobbled down from its place in the ceiling. Rainwater trickled through the gap but with less urgency than before.

Struggling to hold onto the rope, Victor wheezed. He squinted up at the platform.

The platform jerked as it descended due to Victor’s poor technique. But that wasn’t the only reason. Something up there was squirming, trying to wriggle free. A grotesque, green-hued hand burst free from its restraints. Broken bits of leather and metal linkage tinkled to the floor. The creature’s fist stood in stark relief against the backdrop of night, clenched in defiance of God.

Unfettered joy bloomed across Victor’s face. For a moment, he forgot all his worldly aches and pains. ‘IT’S ALI—’

Sudden lightning flashed – a last goodbye from the departing storm.

Victor yelped and flinched and let go of the rope.

The pulley system whirred to life without any resistance to hold it back. The ropes flew like breakdancing snakes, letting gravity finally have its say. The platform plummeted while the creature growled its inarticulate grievances with the world.

Victor tried to catch the rope but squealed and flew backwards as the hissing cord burned his hands.

The platform crashed to the lab floor, shattering into pieces. The coil-shaped conductor exploded, shards of still-sparking material spraying around the room. The shrapnel shattered glassware, sending sprays of coloured liquids splattering. The restraints popped open. The creature’s stitches snapped, unable to hold back the forces of physics. The creature burst open like a pinata filled with organs. The heart spurted free from the chest cavity – a fish through an amateur fisherman’s hands. The brain shot out of the skull, slapped into the wall, rolled down, and splattered into a gooey heap on the floor. Guts and entrails sprayed out like confetti and streamers at an NYE bash for zombies.

Tears streamed down Victor’s cheeks, mixing with the droplets of sweat. His mouth turned upside down in a comical display of grief. ‘No, no, NO!’

The creature’s lungs whizzed around the room, blowing a raspberry at him.

Victor watched them as they crashed into the windows like a blind bird.

The sacs plopped to the floor, farted a few bloody pockets of air out, and then were still.

Victor, grief-stricken, clung to the pulley’s column for support. He realised something, at long last. If you mistreat your workers, you shouldn’t feel shocked when things fall apart at the seams without them. Clutching the pillar, he sank to the floor, sobbing.

The creature’s fist clenched one last time and then went slack forever.