You Were My First Love

You were my first love.

I’ll never forget the memories we’ve created—the days we’ve spent together that are only ingrained in our minds alone.

I miss you, my love.

How’s America? It’s been so long since we’ve last spoken to one another. I know it’s been over a decade since we’ve last seen each other. Every day I cross off another box on the calendar you had gotten me for our two years, back in high school.

I know you’ve moved on, and I have as well. 

But even after all this time, I haven’t fallen in love as hard as I fell for you. I’ve never believed in “right people, wrong time”, but after seeing your back leave for the airport, all I hoped for was for us to meet again.

Do you remember that day as vividly as I do, love?

I miss talking to you. I miss all those days we’d go out and just take a stroll around the beaches of London. I miss the nights when I’d sneak out just to see you. I just miss you—all of you.

It broke my heart knowing that you were moving overseas. Both of us had tears running down our cheeks as we held each other in the June rain. 

We tried to make it work, you know that as much as I did. 

I’m sorry it didn’t work out.

The letters we’d send each other every week the day you left made me so hopeful. So full of joy. Knowing that you still thought of me within your busy schedule was the only form of reassurance I needed. 

Everything ended a few months later, didn’t it? The letters had gotten less frequent and thus, communication did as well. I had sent 16 letters to you, and you 17 back to me. I will always regret not giving you my best—all I ever wanted was to make you happy.

But now you’re gone. 

Probably changing the world—like we’d planned when we were just kids in love. I’m still in London, and I hate it.

One, because being so far from you makes my heart physically ache. Knowing that you’re a thousand kilometers away from me makes my tears run dry every night. Heck, the tears ran when you left at the end of every day.

Two, because the workload had just gotten too much for me. Every day I struggle more than the last and everyone’s sick of it. My coworkers are sick of it. My boss is sick of it. I’m sick of it.

I want to get out of here and be with you. I want to hold you in my arms and never let go. I will not allow myself to repeat the same mistakes again. 

I can’t.

I won’t.

I don’t want to lose you.

I often reminisce on those days back in high school when we were together. How we started out as friends and I pined after you for months. Those were some of the best days of my life and I don’t regret a single moment.

Days lived in silence, just in each other’s embrace. Or nights filled with reassurance and occasional forehead kisses. 

Those were the days.

Every week just taking a stroll for an hour or two around the parks, smiling at every sound that came out of your mouth. Those warm afternoons sitting on a bench and enjoying an ice cream or two—oh, how I miss you.

Over a decade later and I’ll still wait for you, no matter what. Come storms or tornadoes, tsunamis or volcanoes, I will always find my way to you.

No matter what.

To relive those days with you once again—

Just once.

Is all I need. To feel pure bliss and happiness alongside the woman I love even if it’s just an hour. 

I will make sure to cherish it with all my heart.

I love you.

I always have and I always will—never doubt that.

I have never ever genuinely loved a person so much as I have you. You’ve made me such a better person since the day we met, and every day I strive to be enough for you. Be it half a kilometer or a thousand, I will never stop trying my best—because I know you’re doing your best.

I hope you achieve all the wonderful things that you talked to me about all those years ago. The way your eyes lit up at the mention of something important to you always made me smile. You were just wonderful to be around all the time.

How you managed to make the world light up with your every presence makes me awestruck to this day. You, so impeccably amazing, making people’s lives better just by existing.

I know you hide a lot of your problems and deal with them yourself, staying quiet and filling the room with utmost happiness. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to carry the baggage for you, but thank you for feeling safe and loved by me.

It’s okay to let your emotions come out once in a while.

And when they do—when you’re absolutely exploding with every emotion known to man—I will be here for you.

Always.

I’m gonna work really hard to make it to where you are! As I reach my arm out, I can almost feel the warmth of the light at the end of the tunnel. The warmth that you project onto me when you hold my hand or catch my lips onto yours.

I will be there to watch you grow as you have watched me grow. I will pick up the pieces over and over again until you’ve blossomed into your best self.

I love you so much my dear, and I’m so glad to be a part of your journey.

Because even if the road not taken appeared before my eyes to allow me to restart, I wouldn’t take it. Because what’s the point of taking that road if it isn’t with you?

You were my first love, and thank you for that. Thank you for everything you had done for me, even if others say otherwise. I wasn’t your first and I won’t be your last, but all I ask is that I was as important to you as you are to me.

No matter what happens, I will wait for you—until you’ve decided you want to be with me too.

I love you so much always and forever.