The Woods

The Woods

The sign lights up. The doorway immediately illuminates, and the room turns red.

My eyes fight to open, the brightness is painful against the darkness my vision is used to.

I knew this day would come.

I stand, brushing the dirt and dust off my torn trousers. I don’t bother to tidy my hair, where I’m going, it seldom matters.

My mind flashes to an image of dappled light and warmth. The sun illuminating the earth and turning everything gold. I try to remember how it felt to breathe in the air, to feel the wind through my fingers, how it felt having him in my arms.

The alarm sounds. I shake my head and swallow. I can’t put this off any longer.

Each step I take towards the door is more leaden, heavier.

My eyes have adjusted now and the letters on the sign above the door become focused.

‘You are now entering The Woods.’

I push away the nagging thoughts of running away. Where exactly am I meant to run to? I have no concept of how long I’ve been kept here, nor any idea where I am.

My hand shakes slightly as it reaches the handle. Even though I know what to expect, I can’t help but feel the slight tug of hope that maybe everything is going to work out, that I’ll be alright, that I’ll be home – with him.

I haven’t been able to see myself for days, my finger nails are jagged and my hands scratched and dirty but I force my hand to press down.

The sunlight penetrates my skin like a branding iron and I scream as the door falls away.

My breath hitches, I step outside – I’m actually outside. Every time my senses react the same way, as if I’ve been born again. The trees create a green canopy above me, the ground is covered in moss and toadstools and in the distance I can just make out the tips of mountains.

I take a deep breath. Reminding myself not to fall for it.

This is not real.

I take a few steps, each one making a slight squelch, the mud seeping in between my bare feet. The sensation is amazing. Too long have I been empty, too long have I been isolated.

A bird caws above and the leaves rustle ahead, a small creature bounds out and dashes away again. I have to fight not to smile. I must not smile. I can’t let them win.

A loud crash sounds behind me, alerting me that my cell is now closed, this is the next part of my torture.

I take a few steps further, my legs taking me to an open part of the forest floor. I’m not sure what I’m looking for but I know soon the pain will start.

I pick a flower from the floor, its petals are a striking shade of pink. My mind flashes back again, I’m looking into a mirror. I’m wearing a jumper the same shade of pink. I’m smiling. A small hand reaches to take mine and my smile grows wider.

I lurch forward onto my knees, retching, dropping the flower and shaking off the memory.

I almost saw his face. How I long to see his face. How I fear to see it with the same desire.

I allow myself a couple more breaths before I stand. My knees wobble as I carry on walking forward. A bright red arrow appears ahead of me, floating mid-air and I know I’m going in the right direction.

The woods are quieter as I make my way further into them. The colours are richer, greener and the air still. A twig snaps to my left but I don’t bother to look. Looking only makes it worse.

This is my eighth time here. I have been able to complete all levels but not The Woods. The creatures here prey on the one thing I can’t control. The past.

Another twig sounds and I involuntarily pick up the pace, the red arrow still leading me in the right direction.

The air is too still, too quiet, I can hear my breath quickening which means, so can he.

I reach the end of the tree line. It always wants me to climb the mountains, I know there I will get to be with him again but I have never managed to make it out of the woods.

I told myself this time would be different. What happened before was not my fault. But just as I try to step towards the mountain path another scene hits me.

His little body crumpled on the side of the road, a trail of blood seeping its way onto the tarmac and my panic as I can’t see him breathe. The heat from the upturned car on the other side of the carriageway. My guttural screams as I try to reach him, my fists as they pound into the man who is also bleeding on the floor before me.

His little hand upturned towards the sky. The hand that was just in mine.

“AHHHHHHH.’ The pain in my head explodes and I fall to the floor.

I look up, the mountains become hazy. No. I can’t do this again.

I hear more twigs and undergrowth rustle as he approaches. The dark rumble in his throat as he laughs.

I exhale and try to crawl forward. If I can just make it a few more inches I’ll be out, out of the woods and onto the final level. Finally hold his hand in mine once again.

But another image blinds me. His face, the brightness of his eyes as he looks up at me, the way he laughs when I’m telling him a story – the absence of life in him when I held his body for the last time.

I can’t move. I’ve lost. Again.

The creature knows, he stands behind my collapsed body now. I feel his damp fur on my skin as he picks up my legs and starts dragging me back. Back to my cell.

I cannot do anything to stop it, but I let myself release a single tear. It rolls down the side of my face and onto the earth.

The creature grunts down at me and I nod.

Until next time.