Tomato Sauce

Journal Entry #34

Yeah, that’s right, guess who ate tomatoes again. Hint, she’s wearing Jayden’s spelling bee shirt and she can’t sleep...for the third day in a row. You would think I would try to justify it, but at this point I honestly can’t be bothered. I should know better. Anyways, today was mostly uneventful. Mom wouldn't let me see Jayden because she was in one of her moods again. The same old “you can see her when you can drive yourself there” thing again. I’ve basically accepted my fate at this point. I’m just gonna die alone in my parents’ basement because I can’t drive a stupid car. I tried explaining it to Jay but she doesn’t understand. Ah! I was writing wasn’t I...time to sleep. 

Journal Entry #35

Insomnia party day four… how much more of this can I take. I actually slept for a solid half an hour this time. In my clothes. With the light on. But hey, it’s better than nothing. I was having that dream again. I miss her so much. It’s my fault she isn’t here now and it’s only fair that I never get near a steering wheel again even if that does mean only seeing my girlfriend every other week. Maybe Mom will be in a good mood tomorrow. She’s been spraying that orange scented Lysol all over the house again; that’s usually a good sign. Maybe I should start spraying my room with some of that stuff. It would probably be better than the smell that this half eaten can of tomatoes is giving off. I should probably throw that away anyways, I think I saw some flies mating in there earlier. I’ll ask Mom to pick up some new cans when she goes to the store next week. 

Journal Entry #36

I finally saw Jayden. And no, I didn’t drive. In fact, I didn’t have to use a car at all. Dad’s been meaning to clear out the hornet’s nest in the attic forever and today he finally did. And you know what else was up there. A bike. Like, a new dirt bike that they’d gotten me two Christmases ago and forgotten about. Ok, I’ll admit it is a little small but it has two wheels! And it can get me to Jay’s house in under 30 minutes! Honestly I thought Jayden would have been happier for me but when I showed her she just sighed and rolled her eyes. At least she didn’t hit me with the “you’ve got to move on eventually” talk. Hey...just thought of something. I guess I can go pick up some tomatoes for myself tomorrow now. I just finished my last can and Dr. Pepper just doesn’t work the same. 

Journal Entry #37

Guess who got TOMATOES! Yep, it’s me! I’ve been feeling like a ketchup bottle these days...do with that what you will. This is day ten of minimal sleep and I am feeling amazing. Like really really amazing. I promise that isn’t sarcastic. The dream hasn’t happened in a couple of days now. Maybe it’s garlic salt Mom’s been putting in all my food. She says it will clear my arteries. Apparently Grandma Alice ate garlic salt everyday and she lived till 99. I hope I don’t live that long. I don’t think I can wait that long to see Nattie again. I’ve thought about this long and hard and I really think 64 would be a great age to die. That way I can live long enough to have grandchildren but die just before I have to stop working. What would life even be without work? Yes, yes, I know I don’t even have a real job right now but you can’t tell me to just throw my dreams out the window can you? 

Journal Entry #39

Mom made me stop bringing my tomatoes to my room with me. Yesterday I woke up to a mouse squinting at me from on top of the chest so basically this is my last day with no sleeping. A lot of people don’t know that tomatoes can keep you awake. But in fact, tomatoes have tyramine aka my favorite drug-that’s-not-really-a-drug. Basically it makes my brain go on overdrive and I get to stay up and write all my lonely thoughts in here. Isn’t that nice? Jayden’s been texting me a lot lately. She says I’ve been distant and I need to see her more often. I guess that’s true but what does she think I am? I never knew having a girlfriend would be this exhausting. It’s nice to have someone to worry over sometimes but she really is just so dramatic. “What do you mean you feel like a ketchup bottle again? What do you mean you think tomato sauce is a better option?” What I mean, dear Jayden, is that eating tomatoes is the only way I don’t have to relive the crash. It’s the only way I can pretend my sister isn’t dead. Of course you wouldn’t get that though. 

Journal Entry #40

Ok I feel kinda bad about what I said about Jay yesterday and now that I read it over it was actually really mean. Sorry Jayden. I bought some tomato sauce today. Another reason why tomato sauce is so much better than canned tomatoes: it has a lid. So basically I can keep the jar in the crack between my bed and the dresser with the lid on and Mom will never know. And neither will the mice. I’m starting to think maybe that mouse was just a figment of my imagination. Nattie used to always wear that yellow sweater with the mouse on it. “Souris!” It’s funny cause it’s French and it has a double meaning. Or at least that’s what Nattie used to say. She was the smart one. I never understood how she could keep track of all those big words in her tiny nerdy head. 

Journal Entry 77



I drove today. Yes, me. Yes, in a real car. Yes, all alone. When I got to Jayden’s house she was shocked. She told me she had always believed I could do it but I know she was lying. I would be lying to myself if I even thought I’d see this day. It’s almost time for bed. Tomato sauce prices are going up. I guess the world’s out to get a ketchup bottle girl named Me. It’s been a long time coming really. Oh, and how could I forget. This journal is sponsored by Farmer Tom’s Good Old Fashioned Tomatoes. No one beats it like tomatoes.