The unicorn

Was she really going to do it? What did she have to lose anyway? And surely he would want to know, wouldn’t he? She hesitated for a second, then took a deep breath and rang the bell.

***

She had never been to that part of town. It was the nice area, the kind of area where people had fancy cars, a little lane going up to the porch and a little curated garden at the front of the house. Probably an even bigger garden at the back, away from the street and prying eyes. 

The bus came to a stop and she stepped out. She started walking slowly. There was no rush. Her heart was beating fast as if she had just run a marathon. Instead she had spent the last hour sitting on a bus trying not to think about where she was going or what she was about to do. 

She strolled around for a while, observing the comings and goings of the locals. So this was what suburbia looked like. She smiled at an old lady walking her equally old dog, and then walked past a young dad clearly overwhelmed by the crying baby in the stroller and the incessant whining of the baby’s sister, « but Daddy I want ice cream, please Daddy please, Daddy please Daddy ». Daddy did not seem pleased, he just looked exhausted. She gave him a quick smile, but did not stop. She had deliberately got off the bus a few stops away from where she was heading to. She was not in a rush but that was not a reason to get distracted on the way. She had left the house without thinking twice and now she was starting to worry she might change her mind at the last minute. 

She reached a corner and saw the name of the street she had come to find. She turned right and continued walking up to number 92, with the white figures neatly printed on the blue tile, the same figures that were on the birth certificate. Did he even know about her? Probably not. Who would have told him anyway? 

She took a first hesitant step towards the door.

***

The last argument had been bad but this one was even worse. Except this time she was the one in control, so she did not even feel the heat of the argument. She was strangely calm actually now that her decision was taken. She was going to meet him and tell him. It was as if a massive weight had been lifted from her shoulders when she made up her mind. All she had to do now was to carry it through. Once she could get out of this argument. 

« What do you mean you’re going there? You’re not thinking straight. You can’t just go there! », the voice of reason was saying.

« Actually I can. And I am going. » Now that she had said it out loud, she knew she had to do it.

Her mother would not leave it as that though. « How did you even find out where he lives anyway? » 

She did not particular want to answer that question. She had found the address, that was all that mattered to her.

« It makes no sense anyway! What good do you think can possibly come out of you showing up on his doorstep out of nowhere? »

That was a fair point and one that a little voice inside her head had been making as well. But she always chose to ignore that little imaginary voice and now she decided to ignore the bigger, definitely not imaginary voice that had just spoken to her.

« Hey, are you even listening to me? I’m talking to you here. » 

Maybe if she continued pretending not to hear, her mother would give up. She was wrong.

« I really don’t think you have thought this through. This is just so typical of you. You take a snap decision and don’t think twice about it. And you don’t even think of the consequences! »

She had heard that before.

« He has a family! You could ruin his life. Do you really want to risk that? I mean, have you even considered about what that could mean for him? »

She had actually. That was another thing the little voice had asked as well. Another thing she had not ignored. But she was not going to acknowledge it. So she stayed silent.

More screaming and yelling ensued but she lost interest. What if she set out to find him now? She had the address after all.  

« Say something! »

The order did not really snap her back to the present. The slap that accompanied the order did though. She felt the anger swelling up but she willed herself to stay calm. Well, as calm as possible given the tornado she was facing. She turned towards her mother. 

« You want me to say something? Fine, I will tell you this then: I am not asking you for permission to go, I am just letting you know I am going. This is not up for discussion, I’ve already taken my decision. » She rose from the couch. « I am going. Right now. End of story. »

She left and ran to the bus stop before she could hear the reply. 

***

It was crazy the things you could find on the internet now. All you had to do was enter a name on Google. Obviously it was better if it was not too common a name as you were likely to find thousands of Smiths or Jacksons. You would not always find everything, some people were more careful than others about disclosing too much personal information online. But even the most discreet person had some kind of digital footprint. It was difficult to stay invisible these days. You did not need to be a detective to find something once you knew there was something to be found. 

Now that she knew he was alive, she had no doubt she would find him quickly. She opened the newspaper again and stared at the picture. It was only the local newspaper and the photograph quality was not the best but there was no mistaking that birthmark. She would have recognised it anywhere. It was in the shape of a unicorn head, right above the left eye. She had not seen it for long, but she would always remember that unicorn. She was sure it was him.

She typed in the name and pressed enter. She was in luck, and it only took her a couple of clicks to find the person she was looking for.

She did not read the online article from the newspaper. She had read it hundreds of times already. Not that it said much. Just that he had been awarded some kind of award for his contribution to the community. She tried his Facebook page instead but most of it was not accessible. He was one of those people who protected their personal lives. There was a profile picture though. She zoomed in as much as she could. The unicorn head was still there, even more distinct than on the article. Next to him stood a young woman cradling a baby. You could not see the baby’s face.  

She could not help feeling angry at her mother. They had always got on well, even when she was a teenager, and even during the difficult years after she lost the baby. But her mother had betrayed her. 

She closed the profile picture and resumed her search.  

Finding the address itself was trickier but after a bit more work and several phone calls where she was not too proud of impersonating various people in order to get dribs of information, she had everything she needed. Now she could go and meet him at last.

***

They did not often argue, really. And when they did, it was usually for something trivial, something  

that would be easily forgiven and forgotten the next day. But she was not sure she could ever forgive in this case. And she definitely would never be able to forget. Not now that she knew. 

« You told me he was dead. »

She had wanted to have a rational discussion, without losing her temper, but now that she was face to face with her mother, she forgot about her plan and went straight to the heart of the matter. 

« What, darling? What is this about? »

But her mother already knew what it was talking about. It was clear from the slight tremor in her voice and her worried look.

« You know very well what this is about. Have you not seen the newspaper? » She slammed the newspaper on the table. That was totally unnecessary but it felt good unleashing a bit of the energy that was consuming her. 

« It’s him, isn’t he? What are the odds of two people having the exact same birthmark? »

Her mother looked crestfallen. She must have seen there was no point pretending anymore.

« I knew it! So you lied to me? How could you do that to me? » Tears were coming to her eyes already. She had promised herself not to cry. 

« I did what I did for your own good. » her mother replied.

« How could you decide what was good for me? » There was no point holding back tears anymore. She was not sure whether they were tears of rage or grief. 

« You were 16… » The louder she was talking, the softer her mother’s voice was, as if she was trying to soothe her. As if that would work this time. 

« Well now I am 45! Were you ever planning on telling me? »

« You were not well… not well at all after the birth. We've talked about this before. Don’t you remember? » There was a plea in her mother’s voice now. She had heard that plea before. 

« But I’m better now right? And yet you still did not tell me.»

Her mother did not reply. This infuriated her even more. She was furious in a way she had never been before. She hardly recognised herself. It was as if someone had taken control over her and had unlock a force she did not know she had in her. 

« You told me he was dead » she repeated. « You lied to me. »

Silence.

« You lied to me! »

Another silence. She was shaking with rage but she could hardly speak. All she had on her mind was « You lied to me, you lied to me, you lied to me. » It was like her brain was stuck on this particular sentence and could not move forward. She had been lied to. How did you undo a lie?

She would find him and tell him the truth.