Drama Funny

N.B: I don't support burglary or other stuff.

(Strong language warning)


  Destiny is something I don't believe in. But that doesn't mean I don't plan ahead.

   Every day, the same old story. That fat idiot doesn't even seem to care about adventures. There are so many things to try but no, he won't give up his century-old techniques. Kinda like using the same openings all the time.

   "Hey, what the shit are you thinking?"

   Did you call me shit? "Nothing boss. Catching right up."

   I can't believe, how that old creep manages to climb up walls without breaking a sweat. Like as it is a piece of cake to him. I'm not older than his late son, but still, I can't do it so easily.

   I'm working with this dog for two years now. I can't tell he ever gave me any respectable share. Don't know if he has any property or not but it is sure there is no future for me working with this miser.

   I'm planning a bright future. He will soon be gone from my sky. Hah! 10 thousand dollars sure is a fortune for me. And whoever will help to catch the "Spooner" those shit face police will give 'em the cash.

   Those idiot rat chasers don't even know there are two of 'em.

   I know he has a wife, many times I heard them talk over the cell phone. Maybe an old hag, just as obese as him! Anyway, I don't think he is interested in family life.

   I somehow managed to come down alive from that tremendous wall. It's good they didn't place any nail there or else it could have been hazardous.

   "Did you bring the tools?"

   "Certainly boss. Are you really sure no one's home?" Oh, I wish I haven't told that. His furious look suggesting a bad day ahead of me.

   No, wait. It's night, and I'm going to get rid of him tonight.

   Oh, my! How can I forget that?

   " Give me the spoons." he isn't even looking at me. All of his attention is focused on that crazy window. I mean, seriously, there are so many security systems out there. Couldn't just they set up any safety method here?

   Nope. Only surpassing an easily breakable window is enough to gain admission. Of course, my boss found out about this house. And his choices are never risky. (I'm sure, if somehow he was born during the Galilean period, he could have earned multiple noble prizes.)

   But I'm sure this one is going to be our easiest heist.

   Police are looking all over for us, thanks to his odd-old methods. I don't even know how many times I suggested him to get modern. But no, he won't listen.

   Technology has made life easier. There are so many life-changing gadgets out there. I want some new stuff. But I can't unless I get rid of this chunky rat.

   "You idiot! Hold the light on the window, not in my face." Bruh, I don't have any interest in watching your shitty mouth either."Sorry boss." Don't worry, soon you are going inside a murky room, then you'll never get to see the light again.

   He thinks he's smart. But doesn't even know I used his own cellphone twice to call his doom. Of course, I didn't forget to clear the history. Though I'm sure he won't even know how to check it! Such an old bastard.

   That old nerd is digging in his face towards the window like as he's about to lick those dirty glass.

   Good old burglary method. Two spoons were used methodically with his skilled hands and behold! You have a perfect entrance ready to welcome you.

   "Do ya need an invitation? Get inside useless!" Useless!

   "Yes, boss." Huh, I'll show ya who the real boss is. Go, go- go inside. You don't know but police are waiting in the living room for Ya!

   "What are ya waiting for, idiot!" He already has entered his doom-room, now he is inviting me to witness his misery?! Of course, I'll come.

   I'll witness you fall!

   The room was gloomy but I could see the police waiting in an adjacent room, for the mice to fell into the trap

 Suddenly, all the lights turned on

   "Officers, arrest this man!"

   What is he talking about? I was supposed to say that line! How can he say it out of the blue; with that much determination!

   "No, officer! Arrest him. I'm the one who called you before."

   "What are you talking about? Here's my phone, check it, officer, it's me who called you in."

   The officer took and checked the phone number."It matches."

   It has to match, you dumb ass! I used

HIS phone to call ya morons. "He stole it from me!", I know it's a lie but I have to do something to save my ass.

   "If you don't believe me, ask my wife, I'm the owner of this house!" What! What's going on!

   That Einstein's pulling out another card outta his sleeve?

An old woman descends from the stairs.

   "Yes, officer! he really is my husband."

   Huh?! Who is this gloomy hag? Could it be... Oh, man! He tricked me!

   "Here's the necessary papers to prove our ownership of this house."

   No, no, my perfect plan!

   "Hmm, looks good. Sorry, Mr. Hampton."

   I have to find a weak spot. Gotta do something. This bastard killed off his own son last year to save his ass. That was merely a bishop gambit for him. Now he's outta gambit me, a weak-fragile pawn.


   "But officer, he is also my ally in my crimes. If not, how did he know I'll come today?"

   "The man has a fair point. How did you know?"

   "He gave a warning letter before his robbery."

   Huh? A letter? What is this old beldam saying?

   "I didn't do anything! It's not even my handwriting!"

   "Prove it."

   "Give me some paper I'll write something, you'll see yourself."

   "Huh! Are we fools? You'll never use your real handwriting in front of us." I'm sure, indeed you are the dumbest people around.

   "Arrest him!"

   You bastard old hag! "I didn't do anything." How did you do that? "I'm innocent."


   I don't know for how many years I'm rotting behind bars. But, I've got a company now. My old idiot boss is with me too. He joined me only an hour ago. At last, I have got the chance to quench the long-burning question that kept me up for countless nights.

   "How did you managed to trick me back then?"

   " You moron! You deleted the history but forgot about the call recordings. I contacted my wife to arrange everything in order to nail ya. I prepared for 43 other scenarios but ye scumbag couldn't even scratch."


   "It's not likely you are here for robbery. Why and how the shit you ended up getting arrested too ?"

   "Keep your shitty mouth shut. I'm not arrested. I'm here to play out another one of my gambits. If this works out, my wife will kick the bucket, but I'll be out of the red zone, again. And you say why I'm arrested? It was only a mere fighting incident. Of course, I planned it ahead. I'll be free within a few hours."


So, this time it's a Queen's gambit.



Maybe you'll say, if I really wanted to get rid of that sucker, why hadn't I just left him?

actually, I played a Xanatos gambit earlier. No matter what might happen, I'm always getting what I want. It worked out perfectly.

I'm free from him in this jail. And moreover, I'm getting 3-time meals for zero work. What a life! That old moron doesn't seem to be competent to calculate that much.

Though it seems to be a stalemate, I'm the winner of this match.

Checkmate Old slug!

###### ***** ######

So, what do you think, who rigged the outcome?

October 04, 2020 15:54

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Charles Stucker
15:48 Oct 06, 2020

"Did you brought the tools?" bring he could have been earned multiple noble prizes- delete been I had to look up Xanatos gambit, but (having enjoyed the Gargoyles series) it makes sense. It feels like old age and treachery overcame youth and the youth now is trying to make lemonade from lemons. This is a competent tale. Your English is getting pretty good. You may never sound native without a fair bit of editing, but you are closing in on it. Who knows? You might have a breakthrough by Christmas. You certainly have the right pacing...


Fplldg Wakdwwdg
01:27 Oct 07, 2020

Thanks! "The technical note" has a fair point! I'll try to make it sense somehow keeping your advice in mind. Gotta do some editing. Thanks for taking the time and figuring out the flaws. Keep well!👋


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NJ Van Vugt
23:20 Oct 10, 2020

Very entertaining story. Well done.


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