Ah! This sweet bitterness

  Today feels just like any day, I wake up feeling not necessarily sad or down, just that it feels lonelier than everyday. Loneliness is a lovely peaceful companion to me.

But somehow today, I can't get myself to enjoy mr.loneliness's company. So I take it upon myself to get dressed, and look presentable to the public eye.

"Ah, spring is here already."

Oh spring! I just can't seem to like you no matter how much I try. Season of blossoming, season of love and mating, season where every individual in this planet seem to find its other individual, where I tend to be left all alone.

Oh, what a sorry state am I living, I guess... I will just have to accept the fact that I will die all alone.

As I continue walking and walking to the point my legs start to beg for some rest, however; the stubborness within me commands to continue, to advance forward, to forget that cold somber of a house.

But of course my furious legs start to disobey my orders and go out of control, straying from side to side, making me fall into other people's arms, which is quite embarrassing.

"Sighhh, why do you hafta fail me like that."

Aimlessly wobbling around and Crossing the street, my eyes catch a glimpse of that one building I have been grudging on for years, my old nemesis.

It seems to have changed alot from the last time I've seen it, I guess they have renovated the whole thing. It's almost sad how barely it's recognizable.

This cafe was once my comfort and solace, everything about it gave me happiness and pleasure. The aroma, interior, servings and of course the humble-down to earth employees.

Ah, I wonder if she still works here. I wonder if she remembers me, of course she will, we were best buddies.

It's funny after all these years I'm still longing for her. Perhaps is it because she was my first crush, then my first love.

I can still recall her tender, honey like voice, her gentle toothy grin, her witty jokes.

Memories of her is fresh as a daisy in my mind and soul. Even After all these years My heart skips a beat and gets filled up with fluttering butterflies as her image appears in my hazy dull brain.

Gulping my anxiety down the throat, I stand infront of the entrance, secretly hoping that she will be there smiling as she did back then, offering drinks on the house to lure more customers in.

I step in inhaling all the heavenly smells I can, nostrils opening wide open, the smells of the fresh backed goods, freshly brewed coffee, oh how I missed this nostalgic sensation.

I sit down, feeling my legs going numb and wobbly. Rubbing them while cursing at my low stamina, I hear her voice.

My ears flushing red from the pure bliss of her melody like voice, flushing from the sudden rush of happiness and nervousness.

I look at her and oh my! she is beautiful as the day I left.

Her stunning golden threads of silk tied in an adorable bun that makes one want poke it, her thick feathery lashes batting gracefully, her green olive orbs sparkling with curiosity and energy, her rosy cheeks and lips perfectly contrasting her pale soft milky skin. Indeed she is as gorgeous as the day I left heartbroken and never wanted to see her again.

I must have been staring in daze for a long time, for she starts to wave her hands in front of me,

" Dear customer, are you alright? you seem to be turning red and running out of breath. Would like to have a glass of water?"

"yy..esss...pleeeassee.."

Displaying her pearly teeth, she turns around and strides towards the kitchen. Ohh foolish me, can't you even form a short sentence, what's wrong with you. Ohh heart of mine can you please give me a break. I want to live, I'm too young to die, but this only proves how even after all these years I'm still crushing on her.

How can someone not like her, she is so lovable and huggable. Everything about her is flawless and just beautiful. Damn I'm getting all excited like a teenager, what am I even doing, getting all giddy and gooey.

She could be with someone, I mean the reason I stopped coming here was because I learned that she was in a relationship with some dude. It was so heartbreaking, it was the same day I was going to confess my love to her. But what can I say sometimes life can get a little unfair and selfish.

Oh! There She is coming back with the fluids and snacks.

"Here you go! it's on the house."

"Oohh..tthank yyyou."

"No problem! call me if you need anything else. I'm always here to serve."

"Aaaalrighht..thankss...Rrebecca.."

"Uhmm, anytime!"

Ohh she is leaving already, what a shame if only time would stop when we want it to, but of course time favors none. One's gotta do what they ought to do in that short period of time given. Miss it and it's over.

Years of moping around in the dark confined hole of mine, I forgot what it's like to love someone. It's like I'm back to square one, where I first met her, spoke to her, then fell head over heels for her.

My guts is rumbling, it's telling me something, is it trying to motivate me, is it telling me 'you've waited long enough, you deserve this opportunity, take it and ask her out this time, do it like a man.'

Where is this sudden sense of courage coming from?

what are all these Overwhelming feelings coming from?

Is it finally spring for me?

do I have a chance?

will she accept me if I ask her out?

Breathe Freddie, breathe Freddie, here goes nothing.

Come on legs don't fail me let's do this, it's now or never!

"Uhmm, miss Rreeebeca...ccan..I...assskk yyyou..sssomething..."

"Yes of course and please do call me Rebecca, no need for formality!"

"S..so I ww..was thinking...what..I...wwant..tto..aass..ssk is.."

" It's alright dear custome, please calm down, inhale and exhale. There there, drink some water."

"S..so...what I wanted...to say..is that...I've liked you f..ffor aaaa...veryyy...longgg time..now...and...umm...I was wonder..ring if....wee caan...gggoo..oo...out..tt.."

Oh no, I messed up she looks unhappy. She is frowning What am I going to do...

"Dear customer, not to sound rude but we have only met ten minutes ago...how can you say you have liked me for a long time? Have you by any chance been following me around..."

"Whaaaaa...nooOo..no..no...never...I would never do such thing!"

"Then please, explain yourself sir."

"Umm, it's..ssss..me...Frederick Anderson..I used to come heeree...few years ago...we used to chat alottt...."

"Hmmm..really? I'm so sorry but I can't remember, I can't remember your face at all, I'm so sorry sir Frederick, oh good God I can't recall your face at all!"

...Oh, she doesn't remember me, which means she forgot about me, means that's how little I mattered in her life. Of course she won't remember me I stopped coming to this place for good five years, it's not her fault. She is a busy person, always around customers, what was I thinking. Stupid me. Huh, my face is getting wet, wait..am I crying, ohh no this is so embarrassing, I'm crying like a fugly crocodile infront of my crush, shit!

"Oh dear, are you crying sir, wait let me get you some tissues, ohh I'm so sorry, I really am!"

Please don't look at me with that pained guilty expression, it's not your fault, I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, I don't want to see you hurt.

"Please don't be, it's fine really..hic..hic...it's fine...hic..I'm good...hic..you haven't...hic...done anything wrong..."

"Oh sir Frederick, I sincerely apologize for forgetting you, and rejecting your offer.."

Ohh am I being rejected right now, she looks sad, I want to comfort her so badly, haah! as if... I can't even utter a single word without sounding like a child lost his favorite toy in the park.

Oh what a pathetic life you're living Frederick, look at you so pitiful and miserable.

"Umm...m...hic...does....hic..thaat..tt..mean....hic..you....are..with..sss...someone?"

"Sir...I'm married and I have two kids....I'm sorry....."

"...ohhh...hic...how..www..rude of..me..eee, should have asked...hic..if you were..with...someone.."

Ohh, how disgraceful and rude of me, so so stupid.

"Oh....umm....I should...get going...gg...now..my...dogg...iss...probably....worried sick..hhhh."

Yeah, laugh at your miserable lie, cause Joke's on you Fred, you don't have no one waiting for you. You lonely thing. Might as well travel somewhere where the sun never rises and stay there for the rest of your lonely life.

"Sir..I'm reall---"

"Its fine I gotta go..really..sorry for causing a commotion, take care of yourself and live happily with your family. Bye bye~"

Oof the breeze is strong today, ughh the pollen mingling with air is inching my eyes. Gosh I hate spring!

Haaaaah... but finally I can breathe, the air was so condensed and sorrowful back there.

Oh well look at the bright side Freddie. Now you know that you never had the chance from the very beginning, it was never meant to happen. You can finally force yourself to give up now.

Ah, what a sweet bitter encounter. The sweetness I got to taste after meeting her, the bitterness I received after being rejected.

I can't wait to run back home and cry myself to sleep.