Princess Amelia

14th September 1964

Dear Diary,

Angela put gum in my shoe today. She put it there during PE then I didn't see it. Then I put my foot in my shoe the gum made a hard lump against my heel and it got stuck to my sock. So I had to take my sock off I only had one sock then and Miss Wilson sent me to the corner.

I think it was Angela because she was laffing a lot when I put my shoes on. And Angela does bad things. She hid Billy's maths book. Billy told me in the shed. Then I was sad after school so I went to see the mammoth on the way home. I think it's a real one they stuffed. The peeple are not real. I think you can't stuff peeple. Or maybe you can but nobody likes to look at dead peeple so they don't do that. So the peeple are pretend but I don't like how they point their spears at the mammoth. He has to stand like that forever now with spears pointing at him even when the museum is closed and everybody has gone home to sleep he is still there with spears pointing at him. I call him Mammy and he listens to me talking about everything that happens at school. I think he understands because of the spears and all that.

I couldn't talk to him today because there was an old lady sitting on the bench looking at him too. She was like a real old lady with shiny silver curley hair and a walking stick. I think she must be about a hundrud. But you know what Diary she talks to Mammy too. I was sitting next to her on the bench and she said understanding old chap isn't he. I said do you tell him about all your trubbles and she said yes I do every day. I said why have I never seen you here before and she said because usually I come at 4.30 I'm early today. I said do you have a lot of trubbles and she said yes I do but our mammoth freind tells me they are all invented. I wonder what she ment. I don't know why she likes to invent trubbles she could invent happy things like I do when Mummy or Edna send me to my room.

Then I said to her all my trubbles are real. Angela is truly truly horrible and Billy is so handsum but I think he prefers Laura he gave her his Christmas leftovers sandwich when she forgot her lunchbox. Not just a normal cheese and pickle sandwich. And she said how about we meet here again at the same time tomorrow and you can tell me all about it.

Then she gave me a toffee and walked away very slowly with her stick.

Now I am home. Mummy is not here yet. Edna says she went to a do with Daddy and might not be back for bedtime. Edna is making tea now it smells like fishfingers. I hope she doesn't make peas with those they go cold and she makes me eat them all. Every single pea.

I can hear Billy calling over the fens.

Love from Jane xx

15th September 1964

Dear Diary,

I think Mummy and Daddy got home very late last night. Mummy is still asleep and Daddy went to work alredy I heard the car start when I was waking up. So I am going to eat some cornflakes and then I will go to school by myself. I hope Angela is sick or gets squashed by the bus. I crossed that out it is too evil. I hope the toffee lady is there with Mammy after school. I have to go now.

Keep my secrets.

Love Jane

15th September 1964 evening

Dear Diary,

Today was a terrible day and a good day. First of all it was terrible because I was called to the blackboard during maths class. I am really very bad at maths but I think I could have done those sums if they were in my exercise book. The thing was that when I was at the blackboard I couldn't see the writing clearly because my eyes were a bit wet and I could only think of everybody thinking how plain I am. So I rote the wrong answer and Miss Wilson called me a donkey and Angela laffed really hard and then everybody else laffed. Except Billy he didn't laff at all. Diary he is so handsum with his bright yellow hair.

Then it was a good day because I saw the toffee lady at the museum. Her reel name is Amelia by the way. Don't you think that's really pretty Diary? She told me how to spell it so that I could rite it for you. I think it sounds like a name for a princess. I think she may have looked like a princess before she had so many wrinkles. I told her about the horrible time at the blackboard and she said why do you think you are plain. I said because Angela calls me plain Jane all the time and the other girls laff. My mummy is very beautiful though especially when she puts her shiny evening gowns on. And then Amelia said what do your freinds say when that obnokshus girl calls you plain Jane and I told her about my best friend Kerry moving back to Ireland and that I don't have any other freinds. She said so you are looking for a new freind then I said yes and she said so am I. I said I do have Billy but Billy can't really be my freind because I want to marry him. And then Diary she said whyever does that mean he can't be your friend freind. I have been thinking very hard about what she told me. She told me that her husband was her prince Charming and her very best freind. He's dead now she said and I said you must be very sad and she said no I am very grateful for all the good times we had together. I think Amelia must be very brave inside even though she looks like she could snap in two on the outside. Then she said you are not plain at all you are very beuatiful and even if you were plain that would be okay because it's the beauty on the inside that counts but you are beautiful on the inside and the outside. She said Angela is probably beuatiful on the inside too but she is sad now and that is making her talk like she is not beuatiful on the inside.

Then I came home and Mummy was drinking tea in bed with her pink frilly bedjacket on. I said Mummy is Daddy your best freind? She said no of course not he's my husband. If he was my freind I would talk to him about all my trubbles and that would be tiresome for him at the end of his hard day at work. My best freind is Pamela and I save my trubbles for her.

Then I hurd Billy calling over the fens. We sat in the shed and he said to me I don't think you are a donkey I hate Miss Wilson for calling you a donkey. Then he even said she is the donkey. Now I love Billy even more but also he is even more my best freind but I don't want to be tiresome to him at the end of his day of work when we are grown ups.

Lots of love from Jane xx

16th September 1964

Dear Diary,

I saw Amelia today again. She took me to the museum cafe and we had tea and scones with cream and jam. It was yummy but now I am full and I saw Edna cooking peas again. I told Amelia that I don't know what to do about Billy. She said that ladies are supposed to wait for men to say they love them first. But then she said that before she started courting with her husband she was very in love with him and she thought she would burst if she had to wait any longer. So one day in the library she slipped him a note in a book. And he said he was happy that she did that because he liked her too but he thought she was too beuatiful for him so he never would have told her he wanted to court her. And then she said maybe Billy is shy too because you are so beautiful. And I said what if that is not true. And she said what is the worst that can happen do you think he will stop being freinds with you because you think he is handsum? I said no Billy would never do that. Then I told her what my Mummy said about not being tiresome. She was quiet for a long time then and took a long time to spredd her jam on her scone. Then she said your mother is right a good wife does not burden her husband. But do you want to be a good wife or a happy wife?

I must ask Mummy if she is a happy wife but tonight she is out again and there are sparkly dresses all over her bed so it must be important.

I can hear Billy calling. My heart is beeting very fast now Diary.

Love Jane

16th September 1964 later

Hello again Diary,

Something awful just happened. I was standing in front of the shed with Billy and I had decided to be brave. We were in the garden not a library so I couldn't put it in a book I just had to tell him straight out. I said Billy I like you very much not like a freind even though you are my best freind but the marrying kind of liking. I mean I love you. Then he smiled a very very big smile and he said do you want to try the kissing thing. I said yes please and he put his hands on my shoulders and brought his mouth very close to mine and put his lips on my mouth. They were soft and warm and he smelt of milk and chocolate. My heart was still beeting very fast. You must be wondering what the awful thing is Diary. Well then when his mouth was still on my mouth I heard Edna calling over the fens. Come back here right now young lady she said. It's always a bad sine when she calls me young lady. So I ran back to the fens and Billy ran away and now I'm in my bedroom and she said I will only get toste for tea but that's a good thing because my tummy is still full of scones and I won't have to eat any peas. But she said she is going to tell my mummy what happened and that is a bad thing I think. Mummy kisses Daddy often so maybe she won't be cross.

Love Jane xx

16th September 1964 in the night

Dear Diary,

I can hear Edna talking to Mummy. Mummy is talking back to her in her voice that she only uses for very bad things. She is coming up the stairs now.

She just came in and took you away and threw you on the floor and said stop writing in your blasted diary. I’m really sorry about your crumpled pages. Then she said running around and kissing boys indeed. Only bad girls do that she said. I am not allowed to go out of my room for a week except to go to school. She says I can think about how bad I have been. I can't stop crying now and the letters are blurred so I will rite more tomorrow.

Love Jane xx

17th September 1964

Dear Diary,

I am very sad because I can't go to see Amelia. I promised her yesterday to meet her at the museum and tell her how it went with Billy. She will be sad that I am not there. But then again I don't know if it is a good idea to see her again she made me do a bad thing.

But Diary I must be a very very bad girl because even though I know now that kissing is bad I can't stop thinking about Billy. I still think he is the handsumist and I really loved being kissed by him. Does that make me the worst?

Love Jane xx

Reader, Jane spent a great many hours in her room that week and many of her diary entries were very similar to each other. So, I will spare you the tedium of reading them all in order and jump straight to the one which reveals some evolution in her thinking:

20th September 1964

Dear Diary,

I have been thinking about what Mummy said. She said running around kissing boys. Boys with an s on the end means there are lots of them. Maybe Edna told her that I had been kissing lots of boys not just Billy. I must tell her when I see her that it was only Billy and that I am going to marry him. I'm sure she will understand then Mummy is very wise.

Love from Jane

21st September 1964

Dear Diary,

I explained to Mummy about it only being Billy but she just shook her hed and said poor stupid girl. So I am still in my room and I am so sad when I think of Amelia. I think she may have been right about choosing to be a good wife or a happy wife. Mummy doesn't look very happy. She is a good wife I know that because Daddy always byes her lots of presents but maybe you can't be a good wife and a happy wife at the same time.

Also Diary I still think Mummy just doesn't understand about Billy and when she does she will forgive me. I am so glad I have a freind now that I can tell all about being locked in my room when I get out. I hope she takes me for scones again and that she is not cross that I didn't come for a week. I can't imagine Amelia cross.

Love Jane xx

23rd September 1964

Dear Diary,

Today I went back to the museum to see Amelia but she wasn't there. I waited for a very long time on the bench but she didn't come. Mammy didn't know where she was. So I went to see the man who gards the displays and I asked him if he had seen the old lady with silver hair who comes every day. He said yes I did see her she came every day last week but she looked very sad and she was walking even slower than usual and her back was even more bent. I don't think she's coming back lassy he said to me but then he said are you Jane? I said yes and he gave me an envolope. It's from her he said.

Inside there was a beuatiful photograf of Amelia and her husband standing in the garden. She is wearing her wedding dress and holding flowers and he is wearing a soldier's uniform. I don't know why he thought he was not handsum enough for her he does look very handsum to me. Amelia is very beuatiful too just like a princess. I didn't recognise her at first but then I noticed her walking stick. I thought she only used it because she was an old lady but she had it then too. I didn't know you could be an invalid and get married to a handsum man but she did say it's what's on the inside that counts. But she was also very beautiful on the outside. So now I don't know which is more important. I was still not sure if it was her but I turned the photograf over and on the back it said Amelia and William 1904 in old riting it was nearly rubbed out. And there is a message for me in new riting I will copy it for you Diary.

To my dear friend Jane,

I hope it went well with Billy.

If it didn't then don't be sad, life is full of wonderful surprises for brave, beautiful people like you.

Never stop loving,

Amelia

PS Please keep this photograph safe it's the only one I have of that day. It's yours now.

How funny to be so old and still not know how to spell freind. I have hidden it under my floorboard were Edna can't find it.

I hope Amelia is ok. I will keep going to the museum at the same time every day in case she comes back. The gard could be wrong.

Love Jane xx