38 comments

Contemporary Fiction

The title tells you all you need to know: nothing happens. You could walk on by and continue with your day, and the world would keep on turning, indifferent. It doesn't matter whether you read this or not; in the grand scheme of things, nothing happens. We agreed to meet at that café in Hamburg, a place suspended in time, where minutes stretch and contract as if obeying a different logic. I sit down and check my watch.

6:23. The hands, like faithful messengers of time, announce the hour with a solemnity that seems to mock my waiting.

6:24. I watch a droplet of condensation travel down the window glass, its slow and surreptitious journey, a lazy river flowing with determination. Outside, the city throbs, indifferent to the droplet, to me, to you, to us.

6:25. The weary waiter passes by, leaving behind a trail of freshly brewed coffee scent mixed with a perfume of wood and citrus. His steps are sure, and measured, each movement a choreography learned over countless days under the same roof. He places a coffee on my table. "For the wait," he says, with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. In a corner, a table hosts a now-cold cup of coffee. In front of it, an endangered newspaper opened on a story no one will read again. Crumbs of a croissant scatter like silent witnesses of a solitary moment. The café's clock, whose hands move with stubborn slowness, marks the passage of time that seems to matter little here. Through the window, the street offers a spectacle of walkers briskly passing by on the sidewalks, wrapped up in their own thoughts, and their own lives. A man in a hat, seemingly from another era, stops for a moment, looks towards the café, and then continues on his way. A couple of young people laugh, their voices briefly rising above the urban murmur before fading into the distance.

6:26. The café door opens with a melodious creak. An older man enters, his heavy coat carrying the chill from outside. He sits down alone at a nearby table and pulls out his phone with the care of someone unwrapping a gift.

6:27. A child plays on the sidewalk opposite with his football ball and a Leverkusen shirt, his crystalline laughter slicing through the cold air like a knife. His mother watches him, a forgotten book in her lap. In this small theater of the everyday, life makes its way, insistent.

6:28. The clock hands move on, indifferent. Each minute that passes adds to the small pile of cadavers of moments already lived, a tower of instants building the wait. The clock seems to whisper that each tick-tock is a goodbye to what could have been and wasn't. But I’m not one to care much about what could have been or what already was; at the end of the day, a memory and a fantasy both live in the head.

6:29. Someone at a nearby table, amidst laughter, spills a bit of what seems to be coffee. The commotion is brief, a small wave in our calm sea. The mess is cleaned up, but the stain on the clear tablecloth remains, a silent witness to a moment of carelessness.

6:30. The light changes, becoming warmer, more golden. The sun begins its descent, casting long shadows across the café floor. Lots of people in the square; the sun doesn't come out much here in Hamburg. It's a silent spectacle for anyone who cares to watch, a transformation that never ceases to amaze.

6:31. A couple at the back table stands up. Their chairs scraping against the floor sound like a sigh, a shiver that travels through the space. They leave hand in hand, their future still to be written.

6:32. The bell over the door rings again, announcing a new presence. It's a lady, with a brightly colored scarf that defies the gray of the neighboring buildings. She orders a tea, her voice soft but firm, and in German says, "to go, please."

6:33. A group of students takes the table of the couple who just left, books open in front of them, but their eyes are more often on their phones than on the study pages. At another table, a woman draws some sketches in a notebook, her strokes are decisive, but her gaze gets lost, every now and then, in the void.

6:34. A pair of old friends share a quiet conversation, their words weaved with comfortable silences. In the space between their words, the bond of years is palpable. Sometimes, it's the absence of words that speaks the loudest.

6:35. I catch my reflection in the window, the glass distorting my features into a Picasso-esque abstraction. An impressionist painting comes to life—blurred edges and misplaced colors.

6:36. The tram glides by, its windows offering fleeting glimpses of lives in motion, like frames of a film reel. A man engrossed in his newspaper, a child pressing her nose to the glass, eyes wide with wonder. The patient tram carries the city's quiet hopes.

6:37. The clock hands whisper to me that it's now 6:37. On the table, the cup of coffee the waiter left me remains untouched, the dark liquid staring at me like a mirror of expectations. Time, relentless and eternal, marches on. The café, a factory of memories with its scents of freshly ground beans and old wood, is a refuge. Here, everyone plunges into their own world, even though they share the same air, and the same dim light.

6:38. The café door opens with a louder bang than usual. For a moment, all eyes turn there. You enter, with the breath of the street still clinging to your coat. Our eyes meet, and in that instant, the outside world fades away. You approach, and an apology starts forming on your lips. But before you can speak, I'm already shaking my head. "What happened?", you ask, taking off your coat, looking around as if searching for traces of all you've missed. "Nothing, nothing happens," I replied.

June 01, 2024 00:02

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

38 comments

Irene Duchess
20:58 Jun 16, 2024

Wow. So amazingly written, how carefully everything is described. Wow.

Reply

Denney Owen
12:34 Jun 19, 2024

Thanks a lot for your comment!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Carol Stewart
15:30 Jun 13, 2024

This could only have been written from real-life observation, at least in part. The minutiae of detail to be envied. Lovely work. Title put me in mind of the Del Amitri song.

Reply

Denney Owen
19:58 Jun 13, 2024

Indeed, Carol, it is partly inspired by my practice of descriptions when in Hamburg. Will check that song out as I don't know it haha.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Stan Konwiser
03:03 Jun 13, 2024

Your story very successfully establishes the difference between the observer and the actor. The detailed descriptions of the happenings around the observer are vivid and sensual in a descriptive (not erotic) way. The reader is drawn into the slowly evolving action around him (her?). The key point is that he/she is the observer. But the hint dropped early on when the waiter puts the coffee down 'for the wait' tells us that the observer status is temporary: waiting for what? We must read on. Then, suddenly with the entry of 'you' the story piv...

Reply

Denney Owen
08:13 Jun 13, 2024

Thanks for such a thoughtful comment! That's exactly what I wanted to show, how the world fades away when 'you' enter. I loved writing that transition and the suspense about what would happen even after I said nothing would happen. My goal was to leave readers guessing about 'you', perhaps it's 'you' the reader. Your feedback made my day!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Darvico Ulmeli
08:16 Jun 12, 2024

Very interesting concept. I like it. "The patient tram carries the city's quiet hopes."

Reply

Denney Owen
12:40 Jun 12, 2024

Thanks, Darvico and yes that's one of my favorite lines.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Daniel Rogers
16:38 Jun 10, 2024

Very interesting. Were you in a cafe writing this story? I could picture you pecking away on your laptop or phone, capturing every scene. Well written, and for a story about nothing, it sure had a lot of something.

Reply

Denney Owen
21:02 Jun 10, 2024

Thanks! I wasn't in a cafe when I wrote this, but I do have work trips to Hamburg and love to sit around and enjoy the place. It's a great spot for taking notes and practicing descriptions. Glad you enjoyed the story—sometimes nothing is everything!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Daniel R. Hayes
15:16 Jun 10, 2024

Wow, this was really good! I loved how you wrote this minute by minute and it just works! I really like how you drew me in and wouldn't let me go until the end. There's a profound sadness in the words "Nothing Happens" but with story, something great happened. You are a splendid writer! Great job with this one! :)

Reply

Denney Owen
21:04 Jun 10, 2024

Thank you so much! I'm thrilled to hear that you enjoyed it. It's amazing how the small moments can add up to something meaningful. Your kind words made my day—really appreciate it!

Reply

Daniel R. Hayes
05:18 Jun 11, 2024

You're welcome! I hope you keep writing because you certainly have the talent!

Reply

Denney Owen
10:27 Jun 11, 2024

Thanks so much, Daniel!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
L. D.
18:14 Jun 09, 2024

"comfortable silences" - a rare treat indeed in this harried world

Reply

Denney Owen
07:56 Jun 10, 2024

A rare thing indeed. Thanks for reading it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Helen A Smith
10:56 Jun 09, 2024

I like the way you captured moments in time. All of them meaningful in their own way - at least to the person living them. But also just time passing and therefore meaningless. There’s a sadness here - as if this is all just going to be repeated over and over again. Philosophical read; also well written. What is the MC not telling the person who enters the cafe and joins him at his table? You leave us wondering.

Reply

Denney Owen
13:45 Jun 10, 2024

Thanks for your thoughts! The mystery around the cafe visitor fits with the idea that the story is about what happens when only the mundane happens. It’s all about living in the moment, even if it feels like 'nothing happens.' Appreciate you diving into it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
TE Wetzel
07:48 Jun 09, 2024

You have such outstanding style and depth in your writing. Once again, nicely done! (Btw, I noticed that some things happened.)

Reply

Denney Owen
07:58 Jun 10, 2024

Thanks a lot for the comment and indeed some things happened even when we thought nothing happened.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Glenda Toews
20:56 Jun 08, 2024

I loved this story Denney! You have a beautiful voice and you pop words in perfect places. Time, I often contemplate that which you wrote about, just as you wrote it, not the place but the moments as they tick and squeeze past us. Well done!

Reply

Denney Owen
08:00 Jun 10, 2024

Oh, I love how you put it into words there, tick and squeeze past us they do. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Sarah Coury
17:05 Jun 08, 2024

Such a fun way to play with format and style, Danny. Really well developed vignettes. Well done!

Reply

Denney Owen
18:28 Jun 08, 2024

Thanks a lot, Sarah! I like to play around with writing sometimes haha.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Trudy Jas
13:47 Jun 08, 2024

A perfect literal interpretation of a few minutes. You're right, no great crime if I had skipped it. But you gave us wonderful snippets of humanity.

Reply

Denney Owen
14:44 Jun 08, 2024

Thank you so much! I'm glad you found value in those little moments—it's all about elevating the mundane to the profound.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Michelle Oliver
13:11 Jun 05, 2024

I like the idea that although nothing happens, lots of little vignettes occur. Nothing happens for our narrator, but everyone is having their own life happening in different ways. Such beautiful attention to detail here, the woman spoke in German, the older man opening his phone so carefully, it all works together to give us snippets of insight into a larger picture. I like it, I wonder about the stories happening all around him. Clever and beautiful writing.

Reply

Denney Owen
14:25 Jun 08, 2024

Indeed, Michelle, there's so much that happens around us—literally everything, and we often don't notice it. It's the little everyday things, the ones we spend most of our lives doing, that truly make up what life is made of.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Marty B
23:18 Jun 03, 2024

A 'Waiting for Godot' story, where the action happens in the inaction, the drawn out suspense of figuring out what the heck the MC is waiting for, and can it be worth it? I liked this line- 'dark liquid staring at me like a mirror of expectations.' thanks!

Reply

Denney Owen
14:42 Jun 08, 2024

That’s the heart of the story, isn’t it? The entire drama unfolds in the stillness, in the thick of inaction. It negates the idea that stories must have a clear, impactful plot. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Joe Smallwood
20:31 Jun 02, 2024

Hi Denney, This is brilliant. I loved the premise and the use of time stamps in the story's construction. By 6:25, your story goes full bore, with amazing description: "He places a coffee on my table. "For the wait," he says, with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. In a corner, a table hosts a now-cold cup of coffee." Wow, Denney! Your ability to create suspense is truly remarkable. This part really got to me. It's so eerie, it's like you had a crystal ball and knew exactly how to keep me on the edge of my seat. And the fact that it's you...

Reply

Denney Owen
22:17 Jun 02, 2024

Hey Joe it's very exciting to read comments like yours and I wanted to thank you for not only taking the time to read my story but for also leaving such a thoughtful comment. Building suspense is one of my favorite writing techniques haha. Fully appreciate your feedback man, that's mostly what I'm here for and I hadn't thought of removing that intro but it's a good idea to throw the reader into it. My intention initially was not so much to explain myself but to engage the reader directly (Italo Calvino style) but it might be a stronger story...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Mary Bendickson
23:05 Jun 01, 2024

Lots happened while nothing happened.😉

Reply

Denney Owen
13:28 Jun 02, 2024

Life in a nutshell haha

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Geir Westrul
12:30 Jun 10, 2024

Denney, I really liked the use of the slowly ticking clock and the way you announced at the outset that “nothing happened” … which of course makes the reader pay close attention to all the little “nothings” that happen. Great concept and well executed!

Reply

Denney Owen
13:30 Jun 10, 2024

I loved reading your thoughts, thanks for reading! It's interesting, I was hoping those details would make everything else pop a bit more, like paying attention to the background noise in a quiet room. What was your favorite 'nothing' that happened?

Reply

Geir Westrul
16:52 Jun 10, 2024

Denney, there were so many favorite "nothings". Here are a few: - "A man in a hat, seemingly from another era, stops for a moment, looks towards the café..." - that hat from another era, makes me want to picture it - The older man who "pulls out his phone with the care of someone unwrapping a gift" - The couple who stand up and their chairs "scraping against the floor sound like a sigh" - The lady wearing "a brightly colored scarf that defies the gray of the neighboring buildings" - And then what it has all been leading up to: "You enter, w...

Reply

Denney Owen
21:07 Jun 10, 2024

Thank you so much for pointing out those moments! I loved writing the scene trying to immerse the reader in all the little moments. I’m thrilled they stood out to you. And that final moment, where the outside world fades away—it's one of my favorites too. Your detailed feedback really made my day!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
RBE | Illustration — We made a writing app for you | 2023-02

We made a writing app for you

Yes, you! Write. Format. Export for ebook and print. 100% free, always.