Home in One Piece!

Hilary, aka Hilaria, shrieked with joy. Queenie, her cat, startled, then glared. Old Ben, her television addict husband, still snored, did not even notice. Hilaria did her happy jig, all cellulite wobbling. She so did not care about this apathetic response. She and her friend, Josephine, had won!

What had Hilaria won in her lucky undies? Why, a free flight to Sin City, and a free hire car to drive to Sin City Craft Emporium, the biggest wool shop in the whole land. Bliss bombs time!

Josephine was Hilaria's particular friend in their older ladies' church craft group. By the time this little expedition was over, the two fat ladies planned to be queens of stitching and bitching, very Christian. Josephine came over to her house, and the pair of wool junkies pored over the catalogs, marking in all the specials for Sin City's giant craft one-stop shop. Ben was awake by now. Boy, was he whinging, sitting there in his back brace. He could visualize their whole suburb of Hometown buried under tonnes of yarn, as Hilaria's personal craft den was full to the brim already.

Undeterred by criticism, on the due date, Hilaria drove Josephine to the Big City airport at the ungodly hour of 5 am. Hilaria was not a seasoned traveler. The two graying chums navigated their way round the air terminal.

The actual flight to Sin City was smooth, the sky was blue, the sun shone, it was a perfect day, brand new. Josephine found the hire car depot, so they exchanged their gift voucher, for quite a flash car to drive to the Craft Emporium. Sin City was also the nation's gambling capital. So these intrepid explorers hoped to have lunch at one of the casinos.

Josephine did not drive much any more, so Hilaria womaned up to the trip. "This is a real holiday," Josephine remarked, "The beaches looked great. Shame we don't plan to go swimming as well."

"Might not be enough time," Hilaria commented, "But we could paddle for a while after lunch. Look, a whole store of wool, waiting just for us!"

"And my husband's credit card," said Josephine."Bright and early, get all the bargains." Ever born to shop in craft stores, the two intrepid wool store explorers set off to buy a whole assortment of additions to their individual wool stash. Wool, yarn, cotton threads, beads, silk ribbons, tapestry kits. You name it, they bought the lot. This was heaven on Earth, right there in Sin City.

Hilaria was also mainlining both the spousal credit cards, but what the heck. This was definitely a chick thing, to spend a happy morning in an addictive shopping experience. After Hilaria and Josephine finally cleared the cash register, they trundled two trolleys to their car for the day.

Giggling, it was time to splurge on lunch. Hilaria had left behind some snacks for Ben, Queenie was getting too fat, so would be fed that evening. It was only a one day tour after all. Josephine had a bit of a flutter in the gaming room, but Hilaria was not a gambling gal.

The two explorers had some time after lunch, so Hilaria drove them both to the beach, nearly drowning in a car laden to overflowing with their craft stash. At the sunny, golden beach, they sat on the sand, paddled their aching feet, and ate ice creams. It was like a return to their childhood. A day of simple pleasures and treats.

Feeling blessed, Hilaria gazed around her. There were some lively young babes, sun baking, enjoying a day of bikinis, eyeing off any handsome stud type wandering past. She hoped they would enjoy being young, time passed too quickly.

Just then, an annoying drone buzzed the beach. "What's that?" Josephine wondered, as the drone flew low over the nubile, pretty younger beach goers. Hilaria glanced behind, to where there was a few camper vans, more tourists. A creepy older males was spying on young girls. "Look, its him!" she told Josephine. "Dirty old man!"

Hilaria rummaged in her older lady's large black shoulder bag, and produced her hand weapon. She was always prepared for whatever this modern world would annoy her with at any tick of the clock. Being a champion shot, she fired a couple of times, and shot down the drone. It crashed landed in the sparkling blue waters of Sin City Bay. The sun baking bikini clad young babes all clapped and cheered. "Nice shooting," Josephine said. Hilaria thanked her lucky stars she did not have to go camping with a male with a drone, must be riveting. Old Ben was not like that. So far, so good.

The dirty old man on Sin City's foreshore was very cross, so Hilaria and Josephine left this charming scene behind them. Hilaria did not wish to get into any dumb arguments, so the two lady explorers drove off to Sin City airport. She did take a wrong turn, but Josephine spotted the airport bus driving past. "Follow them!" she told Hilaria, intrepid driver.

The two wool addicts somehow hauled their embellishments, wool, fabric, and notions onto the plane home. They were very glad to sit down. In due course, the plane took off. Hilaria agreed to have a glass of wine. But. Mayday! Their plane was only half an hour from Big City. The starboard engine was belching smoke. Josephine clutched her hand, as the emergency signs started an alert.

"Oh my God, I am very sorry that I ever left Hometown this morning. Please, Father in Heaven, let us all get home in one piece!" Hilaria knew how to pray. "Amen!" chorused Josephine and the passengers immediately around them. Suddenly, there were no atheists on board this plane. Thanks to a brilliant pilot who overrode the robotic autopilot, the plane touched down.

All on the plane realized you can land an aircraft with one engine on fire. Emergency vehicles roared across the aerodrome. Hastily disembarking, Hilaria and Josephine made no comment to the waiting media. They piled their newly acquired craft stash into Hilaria's wheels, just as the sun was setting.

Josephine nodded off in the car, until Hilaria drove her to her door. Then it was time to return to their leafy, quiet street, after a day of adventure. Old Ben was still gazing at the non-football season. Hauling her supplies into her craft den, Hilaria switched into catering mode. She plated up some kale crisps all round.

Old Ben whinged about this vegetable delight, but found that kale crisps were quite crunchy. Queenie decided that kale was disgusting food group, so vomited all over the living room carpet. Cats were carnivores, and Queenie once again needed to realign her owner's thought processes.

Old Ben went to bed early, waiting for the craft den to explode with balls of yarn. Hilaria wiped up the cat spew, then fed Queenie some light protein, courtesy of her supermarket. Eventually, she sank into her bed, visualizing all the stitching and bitching she could plan now. She and Josephine would be queens of craft, it was so cool to be creative.

No, there is nothing wrong with your own comfy bed. Hilaria now had fifteen thousand years of craft supplies, what would she make first? Interesting dilemma. She shuddered, recalling the pervert and and the plane trip. Hilaria was never leaving home again, after that journey. She said a quiet thank you prayer, she made it home in one piece. No atheists on planes, no indeed!