Starting Line

Contrary to popular belief, it was not love at first sight.

Rose could say that much was true regarding her marriage. Even though it wasn’t the story her husband, Roman, loved to recite at dinner parties. He would say it was love at first breath. Yet it wasn’t true for him, or her.

 It was a story he had long perfected to gain the admiring looks and coos from a crowd he loved to control. And he was quite good at it.

She was even better at pretending it was true.

But just how long she could do that, was now unsure.

The front door slammed shut, and Rose startled a little as she finished setting up the dinner table. His footsteps echoed throughout the empty house, for a long twenty two seconds, before he appeared in the dining room doorway. Rose made sure to keep her head down, her fingers slightly trembling as she nudged the forks to the left for the fifth time.

“Hello, love.” Roman stepped forward, pressing a small kiss at the side of her head before moving to his seat at their small dining table.

Rose had stilled, not expecting the kiss, and yet she had gotten used to it being his daily greeting. A small endearment followed by a kiss at her temple. Such simple acts of affection, and yet they meant absolutely nothing. Not to her. And definitely not to him.

On any other day, she would have indulged him with a smile. Happy at the small piece of affection he could afford to give her despite a taxing day.

But not today.

Today, it felt different. It felt like what it actually was. A farce.

She moved away from the table without replying, not that he would care to notice. Roman was too focused on removing his tie and suit jacket. Rose wondered why he hadn’t gone to their bedroom to freshen up before dinner. She wasn’t going to fool herself into thinking that he was in that much of a hurry to have dinner with her. That sort of thinking would have passed in their first few years of marriage, not today.

The table’s surface was filled with various dishes of rice and chicken, and a whole assortment of Roman’s favorite foods. She sat down, her spine stiff against the chair. He didn't notice her lack of reply.

She finally chose to look at her husband, and her heart protested in pain as she took in his bright eyes and relaxed contours.

It felt odd. She wasn’t used to seeing him happy. Not since the day before he found out he had to marry her, or lose his place in her father’s shipping company.

The years had made him content, not happy, she had to remind herself.

She was okay with that, truly. Their marriage wasn’t one born out of the hopes of a happy future. But a safe, and steady one. One that should have left them content.

Not happy.

Yet here he was. Smiling and unconcerned that his wife hadn’t yet mentioned a word to him.

“The chicken looks delicious, Rose. This has to be the new recipe Mrs. Province was begging you to try.”

She couldn’t speak. Not yet. If she did, she was afraid she would tell him the truth.

I saw you.

She wanted to scream at him. Shout until the very last drops of air in her lungs were expired. Along with the last pieces of contentment she had gained in this marriage.

Roman, yet again, didn’t take note of her silence. His plate was filled to the brim with her food. His lips tipped up in appreciation as he gave her a wide smile.

I saw you.

Her plate remained empty, her fingers clenched into fists on the table. He still hadn’t noticed her lack of response. The scent of the extra garlic she laced in her food drifted towards her, shifting her gaze away from her husband and towards the small feast she had prepared for him. Did he notice he was eating all of his favorite foods? Did he notice that she hadn’t moved an inch since she sat down? Perhaps she should say something to bring his attention to her.

No, Rose bristled. No, why the hell should she? He should notice his wife. He should notice the sadness that was etched into every single facet of her face. She shouldn’t have to tell him.

I saw you.

She looked back at him. At the way his shoulders had lost that tightness that always had them hunched up towards his ears. At the way the tension in his eyes had disappeared, now replaced with an almost droopy yet relaxed ease. Rose noticed every angle of his newfound happiness. Why didn’t he notice her lack thereof?

Roman swallowed a bite, drinking a bit from his glass of water before clearing his throat. He sat up straight, bracing himself for a second before he looked at her, the easy smile back in place, and a new determination settling in his eyes.

She panicked. A wave of bile paving a path up her throat. He opened his mouth, ready to develop his killing blow, but she couldn’t hear it. She couldn’t let him have the first, and last word of what was to, possibly, be the end of her marriage.

“I saw you.” Rose breathed out and shut her eyes. The confession burned her tongue, and with it came the tears that had been building up for the past seven years. She looked at him again, and he finally noticed. Through blurry eyes she saw his expression crumple, his spoon dropping noisily onto his plate. “You weren’t at the docks. I saw you.” Her words choked around a sob.

Roman sat still.

Rose let out a pathetic excuse of a smile. “Kieran bought a new car?” The smile wobbled but stayed in place. “Divorce attorneys must get paid well these days.”

Silence.

The nausea rolled in. But not because of the situation. It was the sheer look pf pity on his face that made everything that much harder to bare.

Rose looked away again, the tears now falling freely. Seven years’ worth of repressed emotion finally making its way to the surface. She wasn’t sure how to feel about it. It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this. This. . . This burning, aching pain wasn’t supposed to exist anywhere in her marriage.

Worse yet, she would be the only one to ever experience it.

“Rose.” Roman’s voice was steady, stable. . . But the damn look in his eyes hadn’t lessened a damn bit. The motherfucker was happy to finally be shedding her off her weight. She knew. And as much as the thought angered her, it did nothing more but bring on a massive wave of loss.

“I know.” Rose futilely wiped her face. “You don’t need to explain. I understand.”

Roman tilted his head to the side, assessing, aware. “Then why are you upset?”

Rose couldn’t hide a laugh, but she did hide her face in her hands, the tears not abating.

“Rose.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She mumbled.

But it did. It mattered so much to her that even she couldn’t comprehend it. Theirs was not a marriage worth crying over. She had to look at it for what it really was.

A safety net for her. A business opportunity for him.

And if she could tell anything from the events of the day, his meeting with his friend who also happened to be a renowned divorce lawyer, and the unexpected happiness with which he carried himself today, she knew it could only mean that he had no need for her anymore.

Well, her father’s money anyway.

He had a dream of opening his own garage for years, and Rose’s father vowed to make that happen, but only on one condition.

Rose had agreed back then. She had nothing going for her. Older than Roman by five years, she had outgrown her role as young socialite very quickly. After her first engagement fell through and her ex fiancé spread the word that she was barren, every other aspect of her social life shriveled up horribly.

From being the heart of every crowd, Rose found herself as desirable as the mole on her father’s back.

Until Roman stepped into her life.

But she knew the truth. And the truth wasn’t that her husband wanted to leave her because he didn’t want her anymore.

No.

It was that she let herself be forgotten. She let the world move on while she sat in her imaginary bubble of comfort and safety. Roman never promised to be the model husband she might have dreamed of once upon a time, but he promised to be a friend. Someone she could rely on whenever things got tough.

And he was a good friend. Great, even. He was a fierce companion through and through. Never let her eat alone. Always accompanied her to the many unimportant gatherings, kissing whenever necessary so people didn’t call out their farce of a marriage.

It was all great. She knew what was expected of her, and complied perfectly. Rose wasn’t capable of a lot, but being a trophy wife seemed right up her alley. And for the longest time, it had been enough.

When did it suddenly turn into tears, and burning aches that should have been substituted for heartburn?

Oh, that’s right, when she found out that her husband had been planning to divorce her.

Roman was still looking at her, a new question is his eyes. “Are you happy?”

“No.” The answer was immediate. “I’m comfortable.”

Roman let out a sharp burst of a laugh, and Rose frowned, a sting reverberating through her bones. “Comfortable? You’re comfortable being a trophy wife to a man who has nothing going for him except having a powerful father-in-law?”

“I feel like there’s an insult somewhere in there.” Rose narrowed her burning eyes.

Roman shook his head. “You shouldn’t be. . . comfortable, Rose. You deserve better.”

She snorted. “I don’t know if you’ve realized this, buddy. But you’re the best there is for me.”

She had no idea what those words meant. And apparently, neither did Roman. Her cheeks bloomed in embarrassment. Could she be any more of an emotional wreck? Her husband was in the process of leaving her, the least she could do was show some class.

But then reality hit again. Her husband was leaving her.

 Her fake husband who never really loved her, but had loyally stayed by her side for years, was leaving her. The tears came back, and with it a panicked look on Roman’s face.

“Come now, Rose, you didn’t think this was going to last forever, did you?”

How was she supposed to answer that? Was she supposed to say no? It didn’t feel. . . right. Because she felt like saying yes. She never saw their marriage ending. She just assumed that he didn’t either.

The pity was still there, and she longed to lash out at him. But she stayed quiet. Rose knew this wasn’t a fight she was going to win. Her life was changing again, with no input whatsoever from her.

“Rose, you’ve always known there was an expiration date. Your father made that clear enough, didn’t he?”

He did, but what good would admitting it do?

“I was to marry you so that the gossiping wives and tabloids would keep their paws off of you. And they have? You stopped needing me long before I–“

Long before he stopped needing me. Rose smiled, knowing that it held absolutely zero emotion.

Roman sighed and ran a hand down his face. “We don’t love each other.” He started off a little uncomfortably. “At least, I’m sure you don’t. . . right?”

She could have rolled her eyes. No, she did roll her eyes. Of course, he would try to blame this on what most men termed as female reactions.

But she stopped. Tilted her head and frowned. Now looking at him through a different angle. Roman noticed her change in demeanor and blinked, waiting for a response.

“No.” She spoke slowly. “Do you?” He stared at her, and she bit the inside of her cheek, hesitant. “Do you love me, Roman?”

If the question threw him off-guard, he didn’t show. Instead his fingers picked up his spoon and resumed eating. As if she hadn’t risked her entire future in that one question.

He chewed rather carelessly, almost dismissive on the mood and their topic of discussion. “We never had a chance to, did we?”

Rose’s lips parted, the words knocking into her as she hastily grabbed a glass to pour herself some water. She didn’t think she could stomach a single morsel of food after this conversation.

They never had a chance.

That was true, wasn’t it? They entered an agreement knowing full well it was never meant to last. It was doomed from the start.

Wait, what was doomed? Their relationship? They didn’t have a relation–

Oh.

Oh.

Rose’s lips dropped open, her slight gasp catching Roman’s attention, making him look away from his almost-empty plate and into her wide eyes.

“What?”

“We never had a chance, did we?” Her voice came out breathless, and a little in shock. Roman’s lips curled a little, not knowing what she was going on about.

But just as quick, she smiled. Big and wide enough for Roman to rear his head back in bemusement. All her life she had gone with the flow. Let the world pass her by without actually taking anything for herself. Without asking for anything in return. All in exchange for safety and comfort.

She wanted them, yes, but she wanted more.

She deserved more.

Rose leaned forward. Roman leaned back.

“Get ready for our chance, husband. Because here it comes.”