This Space For Rent

CW: Language



Really?

Yep.

Really.

Yep.

Really?

How many times do I have to tell you?

Can’t believe it.

Well.

Well, what?

Well, that’s the way it goes I guess.

Just like that?

I guess.

27 years.

If that’s what the calendar says.

Just like that, we’re done? Throw it out the window?

Your choice, not mine.

Not my choice – you chose!

We both chose. Get over it. C’est la vie, n’est-ce pas?

Don’t give me say la me crap. What the hell is this?

The end. It’s the end! How many times do I have to say it? The. End.

We can do better than this. I can. I can do better than this.

Not with me. Nuh-unh. Nope.

C’mon bud! We’ve been in this too long to end like this!

Oh well.

Oh well?

Oh well.

Well what?

51 per cent. You’ve got the majority share! Have fun with it. I’m out.

And what the hell am I supposed to do with it? 

Should’ve thought of that before this whole fiasco occurred.

What about all those freakin’ trips I forgave?

You forgave. Yeah. Tell me another one, Mister Mastercard. How ‘bout those fancy wheels in the driveway?

Yeah. Thanks.

You’re welcome.

I can’t do your job.

I don’t know.

I said, I can’t do your job.

And I said, guess you’ll have to find somebody else.  

What the hell, right?

You want me to hire me back for you?  

Yes! Please!

Sorry. I’m not negotiating for myself.

Right. So I need to find another you to do all your stuff? Is that right?

If you want to keep this thing a-float, feel free.

What about all those trips? Who said you could go?

You did.

But with our cash. That’s blood money. Quite literally.

Company money. No worse than your pretty set of wheels in the drive may I remind you and re-remind you.

Right. One car equals seventeen trips to the islands.

Always the accountant.

I can’t believe this.

Believe it. Oh. Here. Almost forgot.

What the hell’s this?

It’s your written notice. You have thirty days to be the hell out of here.

You’re kidding me right?

Nope. That puts your last date of occupancy on the twenty-eighth of next month.

Then what? I’m out in the cold?

I guess. No more than me. 

Aren’t we better than this?

Better than what?

This!

I carry the load in this damn company. Despite what the annual ledger says.

Right. Right. Me? I’m just customer service.

I do the work.

And I’m accounting.

I do the work.

And I’m marketing.

I do the work.

And sales.

Work is me.

C’mon Jerry!

C’mon Jerry.

Oh. Sure. Go ahead and mock me now.  

Sure. Go ahead and mock me now.

Keep using that fake falsetto you’ve been using ever since we were ten. Great. What a talent.

Why thank you.

Should’ve gotten a job in Holly-weird. Doing cartoon voices. You’d’ve fit right in.

Thanks.

I’m not leaving this place, by the way.

Yep, you are.

Nope. Who the hell found this place?

I did? I think.

Wrong! I did.

But only after I told you about it. Where it was. Et cetera. Et cetera.

Yeah. You’re always the resource.

Well.

There you go with your wells again!

You have any other better ideas, there Mister Smarty Pants? Fresh from the offices of Do We Cheat ‘Em and How.

Cute.

I thought so.

Is this how you want to leave your legacy?

Legacy. Legacy schmeg-a-cy. Could care less.

What?

I said, I could care less! You going deaf now too? May want to use your health insurance for some checkups before it runs out on you.

Yeah, great. So kind. So kind. Always thinking of the other.

I know.

Oh, brother.

That’s me. First signs of dementia are repeating your self. And repeating yourself.

Then that must mean you’re a certified lunatic.

Oh, I am, I know.

At least you admit it.

Yep.

Yep.

Yeppity yep yep!

Whacko, whacko, whacko!

Alright. That’s enough.

Whacko, wing-nut. Mental defective!

Mm-Hm.

Lunatic. Fringe. Deranged.

You were always good with the word games. Most especially synonyms. Bravo.

Oh, I know: call me Mister Crossword.

No, that’s all right. I’d rather just put you in a straight jacket, call you a cab, send you off to the hospital then throw away the key. Like they do with normal nutcases.

So, so kind, you are, Jerry. I can always depend upon your empathy in times of distress.

That’s for sure. You’re a walking body of stress. Now, you want to leave me alone? Please.

Oh, you want me to leave you alone now do you?

Yes, I’ve just about had it with your gibberish nonsense.

Well doesn’t that take the cake, huh?

What.

You want me to leave you alone because you think I sound like gibberish. Is that right?

Right on, bucko.

Hah. Nuts! You think I’m nuts.

That’s true.

And you want me to leave you wearing a straight jacket.

Well, you can wear whatever coat you want, but just so long as you make it to the asylum safely, that’s all that really matters.

Aren’t you the kind one, eh? Always thinking out for your younger brother, eh?

Yep. Now good-bye.

Hello!

Good-bye.

Hello!

I said, good-bye.

I said, I’m not going anywhere.

Yes you are. You’re leaving.

Nope. Nope. Not right now I’m not.

Yes, yes. Now is when.

Now is what?

The time! Time for you to leave! Shove off. Go, getty-go, getty-go, getty-go, go, go, go! Get out.

I think you forget that over the past decades it has been my life’s work that has allowed you every free-dom in your life. Without the likes of me, you’d still be flipping burgers and sleeping in Mom’s basement!

I’ll have her warm it up for you. Har dee har, har.

Yep, that’s right! I always created the invoices, signed and mailed them.  

And then I enabled the online payment feature.

Right, always the technologist. You pull wire and do web sites. Simply brialliant.

Okay, please leave. 

Oh, sure. Do the duty. Why not?  

Yep.  

What’s that?

What? Those lights?

Did you call the cops on me?  

I had to do something. So I texted the emergency 911 line that I was being held hostage. By a maniac too I might add.

Oh, great.

Don’t worry. Just do what they say, and this will be a whole lot easier.

Oh, I know, I know. Thank you. Thank you!

You’re more than welcome.