Vienna

Vienna

P O V: Keavy

2020

"Oh, dear God!" The world is spinning fast and dangerous as I close my eyes to block out the sickening dizziness. "Your warm, sweetie." the smooth, cool hands of my wife Lindsay grace my face and neck. "I'm sorry you feel so sick, sweetie. I hate seeing you this ill. Don't try to sit up, honey, I'm going to slide behind you."

Lindsay gently slides behind my aching sore body laying my head in her lap; my head is spinning, pounding in vigorous expedite. My stomach is twisting in knots, shivers, and hot flashes plague my entire being as I cuddle closer to my gorgeous, compassionate wife. "No matter how many times I go in for these bone marrow aspirations, I always come out feeling so sick; I should be accustomed to this by now."

“Babe, no matter how long someone has dealt with cancer, I don't think you ever get accustomed to this; I will never accept seeing you so sick and in so much pain." "try to sip some of this tea." Slowly Lindsay helps me, so I am in a sitting position lying against her body. "What kind is it?" "Mint your favorite."

Shaking hands, lift the cup to my dry lips carefully. I sip the sugary minty liquid; the scent of the mint calms me instantly, bringing back the memory of the first time I ever smelled mint. Growing up in Ireland, I always have drunk tea; it's our main beverage here; coffee has only recently become popular. My parents were traditionalists who didn't like any of the fancy flavored teas, and coffee was forbidden in my house. In the early days of tea, local shops created their own blends, and international brands were not known outside of big cities.

Mint Tea was never a phrase I heard growing up; by the time I had started touring with my band worldwide; I had grown up loving the robust spread of traditional Irish tea, the thought of any of these fancy American flavors repulsed me. Till the 26^th of December 2015, my mind drifts back to the memory of the day I first smelled Mint Tea, and the reason I was even in that cafe in Vienna to start with; the memory makes me smile, snuggling closer to Lindsay.

Vienna, Austria Lindsay and I had just gotten married on the 25^th in Ireland one month after gay marriage being legalized in our country. After partying with our family and few close friends, we flew to Vienna for our honeymoon, arriving at one am, neither of us could sleep, so we dropped our bags at the hotel and went for a moonlight stroll.

Both of us were eager to take in this city so famous for respecting, honoring, and embracing LGBTQ rights. Ten minutes into our wonderful stroll, mother nature let herself be known in an angry torrential downfall. Laughing hand in hand, we ran fast, covering ourselves as best as we could until we got to the first open place we could find at two am on the day after Christmas.

A little corner cafe, I allow myself now to surrender to those memories feeling the loving, protective arms of my wife encircling my tiny sore frame. The gentleness of her fingers tracing across my arms alluring me into a trance of sweet, beautiful memories.

“Üdvözöljük a barátaimat, üljön le, és élvezze néhány házi csáp, és egy csodálatos keveréke menta tea.” (Welcome my friends, sit down and enjoy some homemade scones, and a wonderful blend of mint tea.)

Lindsay and I never spoke a day of Hungarian in our lives, so we were both lost in translation, but the older adult's smooth voice quickly placed us both at ease; exhausted from our flight and fabulous wedding, we took the chance and slide into the seats, the cafe was empty at that hour. Taking seats in the corner in front of the window, we watched the rain dance across the window. "So beautiful how it dips, jumps and races in its own rhythm uncaring about the wind, or the destruction it creates."

"Very true, my dear, are you, two travelers? I have not seen you around here before; I know every local in Vienna."

"We are travelers, Sir; we're here on our honeymoon." I can still feel the way Lindsay squeezed my hand, both of us unsure how this man we had never met before would take this revelation even legalized LGBTQ rights were still highly controversial in Europe. Some people had a hatred for us simply because our hearts fell in love with another woman.

“Oh, that is wonderful! Congratulations!" The man started to clap, so energetic so thrilled for us; we both froze in shock; my face must have shown the emotion; I was trying to hide when he started crying, grabbing our hands. "Everything on your trip is on the house here in my cafe! I will inform my staff you will not pay for a thing! Oh, this is wonderful, you splendid creatures are beautiful. Love is brilliant!"

"Thank you. I have to say I am in shock very few of our family and friends have embraced us so openly, most that do now took a long time to get to that place."

"That is a pity, my dear; love is love; it is no one else place to judge nor condemn." "You sound like you are talking from experience, kind sir." "Yes, love, I am. I know all too well the danger of being young, gay, and in love." "In 1938, I was a young man of seventeen-years-of-age in love with my handsome boss Mathe he owned this cafe."

The man turns to a beautiful picture on the wall in front of us; it's more of a portrait of a Vienna from long ago. In this portrait stand two strapping young men wearing aprons, lederhosens, knee-length trousers, wool socks tipping their hats, their arms around each other's shoulders, and heads bent together. They are standing in front of this cafe, which looked slightly different then. The smiles plastered across their faces made me tear up almost instantly.

"Mathe was a famous chief around these parts people lined up for blocks to get a taste of his creations, or his baking this place would be packed on weekends we couldn't serve them fast enough." The man's eyes sparkled as he recalled his days of youth; the scent of mint penetrated the air as this man told us his life story while serving us a unique blend of mint tea.

“We were so proud to be so popular, and so in love, we had just bought an apartment together, we were planning to start a wonderful life together move to England or the states adopt kids." "Life was amazing back then for a gay man, till Hitler and his animals came into Germany."

I watched him watching the picture as if the painting would come to life; his body shuddered, I remember how my throat contracted so tightly, I couldn't drink; all I could do was hold the cup to my mouth in hailing the sweet mint, the only thing keeping me calm and from breaking down. Lindsay's eyes were already misty. "Hitler's animals were ruthless, forcing us out of our homes, burning our stores, bombing our homes."

"They captured us beat us as if we were dogs and not humans, condemned us for simply being authentic they raped the women, laughed at our tears, spat at us, starved us we were prisoners in a war we didn't understand."

"I tried to stay hopeful to dream of a future when we would be free, but Mathe lost hope he wouldn't stop screaming..they shot him dead right in front of me. I didn't cry; I showed no fear."

The recount of his ordeal broke us both Lindsay, and I held each other's hands; neither of us could drink or speak, but I closed my eyes breathing in the mint, amazed at how calming this scent was how it soothed my soul without ever entering my body. How is this man smiling as he tells such a chilling tale? "I don't have Mathe here anymore, I can't hold him, or kiss his face, I will never hear him laugh out loud again, not in this life." "The hurt is so intense it bleeds in ways no one will ever comprehend, I feel shattered, but what I do have is my amazing memories, no one can ever take them from me."

"I have my pride; I have my soul; I have my heart, strength, and faith. I have who I am, and I am proud of my life; I rebuilt this shop; I stayed when so many fled. I love my country, and I am proud of the progression we have made in these years."

“I refuse to allow anyone to steal my light, disrespect me ever again, denounce my right to love. I want to feel every ounce of love's spender this feeling the heart gives when it has love's dance tapping inside its chambers is exhilarating, scary, powerful, blinding; love is sneaky in ways you would never see coming. Love makes us laugh, cry, dance, cheer, fall to our knees. I wouldn't trade it for anything in this life."

“My name is Luka, will you do me the honor of this dance?" Luka held out his hands to the two of us. Lindsay and I exchanged looks without words; we gave him our hands the three of us danced to a song unheard, to a melody not being played. We watched the rainfall as we spun around and around the picture of Vienna from a different era. Vienna's eyes took me to a time when the city was so vibrant so poetic; I could feel the song coming to life.

Chasing away the darkness of our pasts, breathing out the reminder of how fragile and beautiful life truly is, how magical when given a chance to shine, in that dance, in her song. Vienna was the star, a mint candy-coated star in sparkling neon lights shining through two soulful brown eyes of a man who seventy-seven years later still spoke so passionately about his first love.

A love so rare and so timeless it stood the test of Nazi's and the passing of years; I want that love. I want to feel so treasured, so irreplaceable that my memory makes my lover dance in joy with two strangers in a rainstorm at two am on the day after Christmas simply because they found love and were unafraid to dive head in no matter the laws or the judgment.

Looking up at Lindsay now, I wonder if she remembers that magical night; all I can know for sure is I am thankful we live in a different era. Despite our hardships, we have support in so many forms; we have LGBTQ activists who will fight for us, we have support groups, we have social media which can instantly start a movement with one hashtag one post on any platform. We have generations growing up who are determined to abolish the stigma and pound out the fear of difference; this generation is willing to fight and willing to accept.

“Your remembering the dance of yesterdays, aren't you Keavy?" "Yes, how can I not? The loving way you held me, kissed me with so much lasciviousness the tenderness when we made love.

I mean it's kept my heart afloat for all these years, watching you watching me right now Lindsay with the same desire in those gorgeous eyes, despite how sick and ugly I know I look, there's no greater feeling to have acceptance and devotion as valid as yours, thank you."

"I want to go back, Keavy. I would love to see how Luka is doing." "He's doing well; he welcomed his 10^th grandchild, a little boy his son called Mathe, you know Mathe means Mint in Hungarian, he'll be 100 next week; it would be lovely if we could surprise him."

Lindsay's smile is melting as she crawls on top of my body, her arms holding mine down. "What do you say, my love? I will make it worth your while."

I never get to answer before our lips crash together, remembering Vienna's song, our clothing is shed within minutes, and our body temperature is heating up. Dancing to the pride and memories of life's greatest gift love, the one word, one emotion the memory never forgets even when the disease takes over, when war divides us, or time tries to erase us from existence.

Love is a dance that needs no music or words; no melodies need to be played. Love is so powerful, so intimate it can be triggered by a scent, a kiss, or only a touch; sometimes even the sound of silence can make our hearts dance, which can carry our feet for miles. My heart races as Lindsay's hands caress my feverish body, not risen from my aspiration either.

Two become one in a harmonic memory triggering moment; her breath breathes the scent of mint as her lips entwine with mine. I will never look at mint the same way now that I have seen the leaves between her lips traveling down to my lower region, but the scent will always make me remember the best night of my life.

Vienna's song, Vienna's memories, my most beautiful of life's moments, she showed me strength, heart, passion, lust, and evil, all in one dizzying dance. Vienna showed me the true meaning of pride for this, I will always be grateful, and I will never shun mint or anything I have never tried ever again without first giving it a chance.