The Parsons and the Adams had spent every summer they could remember on a small, private island somewhere tucked away in the Pacific Ocean. The island had been in both families for generations, but they were not friends; the reason being that neither family liked to share. This led to bargaining and bickering and bartering and bargaining for the island all summer long, but each family was accustomed to checks with lots of zeroes, and neither family wanted to give the island up. Eventually, they always agreed to split it down the middle and continue to have heated discussions through e-mail.
There was one section, however, that had remained completely untouched until the summer of 2008. This particular summer was one of boredom that the Parson and Adam children had never experienced before. It was also the hottest summer recorded in the island's history.
You're boring them, Agatha. I'm bored. Skip to the cool parts- or better yet, let me tell it.
Go ahead, if you think I'm so boring.
Great! Glad you know you're boring.
I apologize for the cat. Now, anyways, it was hot. It was so so so hot. It was so stupendously (that's a word I learned from the cat) hot that by the time H sat down with their popsicle, it was melted. I didn't mind this part though, because it meant I got a free treat. Popsicles are stupendously delicious. Just like pizza and popcorn and strawberry frosting and blueberry pancakes...
That's enough, that's enough. This is not a review of your favorite foods. Anyways, it was the hottest summer in the island's history. The Parson children, which consisted of Ella, Stephanie, and Joe
I thought her name was Stephan.
She goes by Stephanie now.
So, Ella, Stephanie, and Joe were all very hot. Joe and Stephanie wanted to stay inside so they could play video games.
But Ella wanted to go swimming.
But she couldn't go off the island alone.
Yes, so she went to the section that had remained untouched until
That we thought had remained untouched.
Are you going to let me tell the story or do you want to do another food review?
Fine, you can tell your story.
Thank you. So, Ella went to the section of the island that had remained untouched up until then. The reason for this was that it was right in the middle of the island, so in theory, both families shared it. However, neither family wanted to run into the other, and so neither went to the shared strip. This was a shame; because the shared part of the island was a paradise.
Lots of nice, hot rocks, shade, a little swimming hole.
Nice trees in case you have an itch.
Ella stumbled upon it by accident when she got to the end of her family's space. She noticed that it was in between the two long rows of tape that traveled across the island.
And she decided that it was a perfect place to go swimming.
But she wasn't the only one.
I was getting to that part. So, yes, she wasn't the only one. H, one of the Adam children, was also there.
And so were you.
I was there too. There was something there when Ella saw H. Something that made me feel like I was interrupting, which is crazy because Ella and I were having a moment before H showed up. Not that type of a moment, but a moment still the same.
Well, you know those moments where your human recognizes that you are superior to them, and you're just like "glad you noticed" and for once they're almost, almost on your level?
That's because you're a dog.
So, like I was saying, Ella was looking at H, and they were looking at her, and - it was almost as if it were the first time they were really seen. Like, even though they weren't speaking it felt like the first time they were really heard. And I felt like I was intruding because, when they looked at each other, they looked at each other like they'd found a thousand galaxies, and now everything made sense.
Then their cheeks went red and they looked away because humans are stupendously stupid and don't know how to react when they find their galaxies. I mean, I was expecting a wave at the least. But nope, just, nope. No wave. Okay, now you can take over. Just, don't talk about food.
Deal. So, these two pretty cool teens spot each other on the shared strip of an island and it was like BOOM! Soulmates. They are definitely soulmates.
However, humans have this weird thing called self-consciousness and so it took them a while to start talking to each other. When they finally started to have some conversation, their words did half of it. They're leaning in, nodding, smiling, laughing, and at first, I felt a bit of jealousy, considering H is my human, but then I felt relief. Relief because Ella could be trusted with H. Relief because I wasn't the only one who could make H smile. Relief because H needed another person to make them smile like that. To accept without conditions and; Ella was that person.
Soon enough, they were hanging out all the time. Walks on the island, snow cones, popsicles, laughter.
It was like they wanted to experience a thousand galaxies together.
It was the first day. Hot. Really hot. It didn't really bother me, though, once I saw her.
There was no confusion. No judgment at all. She wasn't trying to guess at my gender, there was no slight eyebrow raise when she realized what I was. It was just acceptance. All acceptance. And then we started talking and it radiated from her even more. Love. Acceptance. It all flowed out of her.
And I wanted to experience a thousand galaxies with her.
They were the brightest person I'd ever seen. Their smiles made me burst. Their smiles made me want to smile.
And then they started to talk, and it was made me burst even more. I could have talked with them all day.
There was another thing, too.
They made me realize that I wanted to live.
They made me realize that I'd been looking for something to tell me that it was okay, that I was okay.
Their presence was all I needed.
I was going to try to drown myself that day. The hottest day I'd ever experienced.
And then I didn't.
Because I wanted to experience a thousand galaxies with H.
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Opening with the bickering cat and dog, without immediately revealing they're a cat and dog, was brilliant. Then you get to H and Ella who say, we met our soulmate and had fun with the thousand galaxies. This sort of feels like a pattern, like you are stuck in tell mode. To break free, set the difference between tell and a scene in your mind. A scene has motion, dialogue and character agency (they make relevant decisions toward their fate) in various ratios. telling reads like something from a history nook or diary. If you really cannot ...
Thank you so much for the feedback! I'll try to develop this approach in later writing. Thanks for the great advice.
Charles seems to have already accounted for the notes I thought of, haha! I really do love the cat and dog narrative, it adds an extra layer of something child like and innocent to the story. And in that way, makes the meet-cute that much sweeter. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading!
Hello Alby :-) This story is just beautiful ... thank you ...
You're welcome! And thank you for reading. (-:
I love that the cat and dog tell the story!
Glad you liked it!
That's a truly creative way to tell a story on this prompt. I love this idea of yours, and the word "stupendously" as well! Keep writing :) p.s. I would appreciate if you could read my story "A Lifelong Journey" when you aren't busy, thank you!
Thanks for the positive feedback! I would love to read your story!
What an interesting way to tell a story! I love the dialogue between the dog and cat, very well done and kept everything very light-hearted. Was fun to read!
Thank you so much!
Awesome Job! Very Creative!
Thanks! I like your username.
Thanks. Your name was one of the reasons I read your story. :)
Loved the last line. Beautiful story!
You are welcome. Please have a look at mine too when you have time. Thanks :)
I love the ending, especially the very last sentence! Would you mind reading my recent story out, "(Pink)y Promise"? Thank you :D
Thank you! I would love to read your story!
This is so funny and so beautiful. I love the plot. I think my favourite bits where the parts were you said “...they’d found a thousand galaxies and now everything made sense“ and “humans can be stupendously stupid”. Not sure why those are my favourite but they definitely are. Wonderful job!
Thank you so much!
Love the comedy! Also, I saw you underlined a word you normally would've italicized because the text was already italicized. In this situation, you're supposed to un-italicize it, if that's a word!
Thanks! I underlined it because in the first part the cat speaks when the text is italicized and the dog speaks when the text is normal, so I didn't want to create any confusion as to who was speaking.