I am not your cup of tea!

I AM NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA!

“The memoirs of Mr. Teabody”

01-11-2022

Tonight, is the night that I have been waiting for. Finally, after weeks of planning the best time for me to tell her how I feel has come. My smooth polished skin gets goose bumps when I think of her sweet, soft lips gently pressed up against my lips. The smell of ginger peppermint spice, and cinnamon floating up in her nostrils. Indeed, there is nothing like a good old fashioned tea party. Many of the world's most prestigious tea taster's will be there, but she is the only one I am looking forward to seeing tonight. I have spent all day getting cleaned up, and I must say that I do smell like a natural aphrodisiac. I have my own special comfort room where I get to just relax and air out far away from the other transplants in my neighborhood. I am not normally this recluse, but I really wanted to spend the day to myself so that I could get some nice sunshine and think about the tea party tonight. Still, it was her that had me both nervous, and excited at the same time. Her name is Jasmine, and she will be the elite guest of all guests at the Dragon Tea House party. I sincerely apologize to those who may come across my story for not disclosing my identity. My lifestyle is valuable, and precious like antique Chinaware. I find that people may think that they have taste and culture but have not even had a spill of tea from a black porcelain pot from the Shang and Zhou era (1600 – 221 BC). Please do not fret and jump to the conclusion that I am tooting my own horn. I am simply making all aware that not just any palm can tilt me. Now, enough with the introduction as my ride will be here shortly, and we can carry-on to the Dragon Tea House.

           I will be escorted first class to the event, and I must say that the best seat in the house tonight belongs to me. I will be sitting in the middle of the round table. That is why I will be quite nervous as all eye’s will surely be on me. Oh, and for heavens sake, I heard they have some rookie serving the tea as the usual one had to cancel the event tonight. There is nothing that upsets me more than a pot of tea being spilled improperly, especially if they touch me with too many fingers. Uggh! The inhumanity is enough to drive me insane. Sometimes I want to just scream out loud, “Hey, do you mind not burning my one good arm. Hey, excuse me, splash is bad.” I am told that I am bouje because I rarely find these tea parties entertaining. If Jasmine were to reject me, I doubt I would ever want to be caressed by anyone else ever again. The pressure was enough for me to cancel and just look out the window.

  Suddenly, it seemed as if time had stopped as the guest of honor walked into the Dragon Tea House. She eyeballed the entire room searching for the right seat. I am positive my heart also stopped as she began to walk in my direction. Her walk was magical, and enchanting as she gracefully floated on the red carpet. Destiny was smiling upon me tonight. Jasmine pulled up her seat, and then pointed to me. I was silent and still as I kept my composure. However, on the inside I was singing Kiss by the artist formerly known as Prince. “I just want your extra time, and your (music playing) Kiss! My body temperature began to rise as the vapors from the tea blended with the moisture in the air. Her precious, soft lips shaped like a heart was all that I could focus on. I wanted her lipstick printed on my lips. Jasmine signaled for another person to come and sit next to her. I honestly have never seen this man before in my entire life. He was indeed ruining the program that I had already uploaded into my cabinet earlier today.

  My heart stopped as Jasmine reached out and pulled me closer to her. “Yes! Yes! Eat your heart out Mr. Three’s Company, Ha!” Jasmine slowly lifted me up, then paused as she gently let out a breath to cool off my hot temper. The sound of her gentle sip was as elegant as Beethoven’s Symphony. The entire room was silent as everyone gave their attention to Jasmine, and waited for her face to express her judgement of the taste. She smiled, and all in attendance bowed their heads as a salute of her appreciation of their diligent work to make this an event worthy of her status. Unfortunately, things were about to go south for me as Jasmine passed me to the guest in attendance with her tonight. “Hey, wait a moment. I do not even know this person like that. Jasmine, no! You can not just do me like that. Help! Security why are you just watching her pass me to this stranger. Why is nobody listening to me?” Nobody in the room listened to my cries. Not one of my own kind at the table whispered as much as a spout as I was violated by this cigar breathe, palm gripping barbaric loser. I said to him, “Hey, I AM NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA! PUT ME DOWN NOW!” This creep ignored me and sipped all the substance out of me. It was so degrading to my pride as the sound was like a piercing ripple through a McDonald’s straw with only a few sips of soft drink at the bottom. The man then got close and whispered to me. “You are just a piece of porcelain. No one is listening to you because you’re telling a story in first person and quoting yourself, yet and still, you are a nobody. You are no more important than the porcelain in my bathroom. You are just a pressed piece of glass. I know this because I made you, and I am taking you home with me. I am going to set you on my nightstand and make you watch as me and Jasmine make love.”

If I had a mouth, I would spit tea all over him, however I cannot spill tea without help. So, I whispered back to him. “I’ll be damned”, and I jumped off the tea table and shattered all over the floor. As I was falling, I thought this would surely tear Jasmine apart and end my masters rule over me. However, I was wrong. He swept me up and forged me into his toilet. Now I am no longer anybody’s cup of tea. I am only …… a victim of the sprinkle. I would say, “The End”, but now that I am a toilet I really do not want to think about the end. Splash!