Back to the beginning

In the beginning, there was only darkness and me.

Maybe I was darkness. 

I felt full, omnipresent, powerful but extremely lonely. It was too much to take for a child. I was scared and I didn’t know why I was there. 

I knew I had the power to create. I felt it run through my veins, felt it at the tips of my fingers, and somehow, I just had to let it out. I guess that’s why I created stars and planets, to brighten my days. 

But then.

I wanted more because Stars were silent and I had ears.

I created a world with the sound of water flowing. With fire crackling. With winds blowing. 

But I was a child, there was no one to talk to, it felt empty and soon those sounds could not make me plenty.

I, therefore, created animals that I could observe. They were fun, good companions to play with but still not enough. Still not like me.

That’s when I finally realized that I could create someone to me alike. Someone that resembled what I thought was my image, because I’ve never looked myself in the mirror.

It was my greatest creation of all. Men and women spoke, narrated stories and I was amused.

Until.

It had been fun to have the upper hand on them, but I was soon out of control over my own creature. I tended to get attached to each and never thought that my creation could die from a hand different than mine. But that’s what happened.

They started to kill each other.

I started to see darkness again. I saw the results of my childish behavior.

So, I looked away and never created anything like it again.

I only wandered to that place that held a special place in my heart with my mind. 

That’s a lie. 

I’m everywhere so I managed to check from a distance. Some things I liked. Others made me filled me with regret.

Until now.

I don’t know why I decided to return, after so many years. I guess I want to check if I have failed altogether or if there is still hope.

Boy, this place has changed so much.

My creature resembles myself all too well.

They trapped water, wind, and fire. They encapsulated the ground in all kinds of cages. They trapped animals in small areas.

They became parasites rather than inhabitants. I am amazed and I am angry. I wonder if I have to consider myself a parasite as well.

I think it would be better if I turned away, but I can’t take my eyes off of them.

I’ve never felt so compelled to look closer and be part of the world I created so many years ago.

I’m an adult now, I should know better. But I don’t. 

I look around and I’m still that child that shaped all of this out of loneliness.

I decide to do something I have only done once before: walk on earth like one of my creatures.

I become someone apparently insignificant, an old lady dressed in purple. I dive in one of my favorite places cause the genius there, when I last peeked, was greater than anywhere else.

I believe this place is called Italy.

It’s early morning and I walk the already crowded streets of Rome. 

I feel the heat coming up from the paved roads. I look around and I know everything. I can see the story behind every lead, every brick, every star, and every drop.

 They molded amazing buildings in my name. I wonder if they would be disappointed knowing that I despised them too much to appreciate.

I don’t know why they always picture me with a beard. First of all, who ever said I am male? Even if I were, I’m not that old to have such a white beard anyway.

There’s a lot of fuss ahead. The Pope is coming.

I smile as I get closer to him.

He’s supposed to work for me. I wonder if he can recognize me all dressed up in this purple Adidas tracksuit.

I approach him as far as his bodyguards allow me, but he’s too busy, too self-absorbed. To him, I am just a face in the crowd.

Funny, isn’t it?

I turn around.

A young girl is in front of me. She’s on the tip of her toe, trying to get a peek of the pope, her eyes full hope. She’s bald. She has cancer. 

The pope is her last hope.

Cancer. Have I created this as well? Am I the origin of her sufferings?

It’s almost too much to bear. I move past her; I brush against her arm and in a blink of an eye I release her from sickness. She’ll have a long life.

I close my eyes and I’m gone.

I’m somewhere new, I’m somebody else.

A little boy on the other side of the world. 

My skin is black as smoke and my stomach is hollow but big as if I were pregnant; flies are in my eyes and the room around is a bit blurry.

This is Sudan.

I remember creating the desert. Observing the wind play with each grain of sand. I populated with the weirdest of animals. 

Apparently, humans have arrived here too.

This is no place for man. Is too hot to handle. It’s just as empty as my darkness even in the midst of the day.

In the dirty room with me is a man dressed in green, he’s talking to a nurse.

“His mom is gone too.” He mutters.

“For God’s sake who’s gonna take care of him?” asks the nurse.

“I’m telling you; God has left Africa a long time ago.”

I look up. 

He’s right.

“I’m right here,” I say through the child’s weak voice.

“What?” the doctor glimpses at the nurse.

“I didn’t say anything.” 

“You said I’m right here.”

The nurse shakes her head and they both stare at me.

I stare back with my onyx eyes and wonder if to speak again.

I won’t.

I want to leave.

But I’ll leave the boy knowing the language of the doctors. I’ll leave him healthy.

I stayed on my planet longer than I expected but the necessary to remember why I used to like it so much when I was a child.

I look away again. But this time is not to hide my shame, but rather to reflect on ways to make things better.

I owe this to my creation.

I owe it to planet earth.

I'll be back soon.

I'll do whatever I can.