When waiting is deadly

She looks at the clock again. It’s been five minutes since she last checked it. It seems like it has been an hour. She had already been here 2 hours. When will someone come and talk to her. Music is playing and she hears a Tom Petty song She doesn’t agree with him. The waiting isn’t the hardest part. It’s feeling like a failure that hurts the most. She didn't know where it all went wrong or when. She just feels in the pit of her heart that it was her fault. She thought back to that spring day 3 years ago. The wedding was beautiful and anyone looking at the honeymoon pictures could see how happy they were. When the honeymoon was over and the normal day to day rhythm of life was rejoined. All seemed well. Fantastic even. The novelty of saying husband or wife as pet names never grew old and brought smiles to their faces and She thought this was their happily ever after. It made her heart swell with happiness. She tried to pinpoint where it started to unravel. There were little signs but every couple needs time to settle into each other’s routine and habits right? At first he would become snippy if she made the tiniest mistake. Like when she only had one bottle of water in his lunch. But work was hectic this time of year it was overlooked. Then she was forgetting this, misplacing that, loosing lists that should have been on the fridge, missing appointments that should have been on the cell calendar. He would chirp at her to get more organized. Oh, she said something about seeing a therapist about it. But Noooo....he made it clear that there is no way that was going to happen. She should have been more adamant. It got worse. And then she noticed that these lapses came and went. Then she noticed the memory lapses that came and went matched when hubby left for business trips and returned when he did. She tried to speak up but was shut down. The word gaslighting came to mind but when she brought it up it was dismissed. The alienation of friends and family followed. But he was oh so sly and subtle. Every time a get together was planned something would derail her joining. At first he would come down with something. A couple times she had a bout of ‘food poisoning.’ She is sure what made her sick was a touch of ipecac syrup. Then other times, well lo and behold he had to go on a business trip and she could go this time. When out of town family came he was not hospitable at all. They stopped coming. Then there was the time her brother suddenly dropped her 2 nephews over when the babysitter bailed at the last moment. She learned that he was not happy about it. So much so that he punched a hole in the wall. She sat down and tried to talk to him and explain to him that families do that for each other but he would have none of that. He laid into her about being used and treated like a doormat. She found out later that he would talk to his family expressing concerns about her forgetfulness and erratic behaviors and how she refused to see a therapist. The belittling began soon after along with the slow chipping away of her self esteem. Things escalated quickly from there. No matter what happened it wasn’t his fault. and words were always twisted to make himself the victim and and she the unreasonable one. By now he had full control of the finances and if she was short money for the house or groceries he would deride her. She learned to do without any extras or treats and all her clothes came from the thrift stores. This shortage of money completely stopped any time with her friends since she couldn’t afford cup of coffee in fear of running short and have to ask him for more. One day she finally had enough. He was yelling at her for the milk he spilled because she put it to close to his plate. She then unloaded all her hurt and frustrations and her suspicion. Now he had shoved her before, smacked her alongside the head but now, now he beat her, kicked her, throttled her and threw her across the room. The neighbors heard her screams and an ambulance came. Along with the police. He went in one car with handcuffs and she went in another with 2 EMTs assessing the damage he inflicted upon her and trying to keep her alive long enough to get to the ER and possibly surgery. Now I am sitting here by my daughter’s bedside looking at her beautiful face that had been battered beyond recognition. 2 teeth are missing. Her eyes are swelled shut and her lips are swollen and split. There are hand marks on her throat. I saw she was being gaslighted. I could tell her joy was slowly being drained out of her. And now she lays here with cracked ribs and internal injuries that may drain the life out of her. I should have spoke up sooner. I should have sat down with her and a therapist who would have told her all the signs of a narcissist and abuser. How the longer one remains in an abusive relationship the higher the probability of being beaten to permanent injury or death rises.

Well I just spoke with the doctor. She is going to have a long road to recovery. Physical therapy and therapists to help her get through the trauma but in the end she will be fine. Her husband is locked up for now and my husband is at the station pressing charges and filling out paperwork. I need to speak to the nurses and find out how best to care for her when she comes home. But not now. Now I will sit and hold my daughter.’s hand while I wait for her to open her eyes.