Dollhouses

It was gently raining outside as a new mother breastfed her infant, and her mind wandered back to her own beginnings, back to a time when she was young and innocent, back to the day she made a promise to herself and to God. Looking down at her suckling baby, she began telling her story.

“When I was little, I was given a dollhouse. I loved that thing and played with it all the time. It was fun to imagine the life my dollies could live if I provided everything in their home to make them happy. The problem, though, was the dolls. They only sat there in their fancy dresses. They didn’t appreciate my labor of love. All the pretty decorations were wasted on them. So you know what I did? That’s right. I asked my momma if I could get a pet.

“Your grandma thought it would be a good lesson on responsibility, and got me a sweet little hamster. I gave my old dollhouse to my little sister, your aunt, and made the hamster cage the center of all my attention. I decorated that thing with all the stuff I thought would make it happy, but really, it just wanted to eat and sleep. I took it out of its cage and played with it a lot, but all it did was run around and poop. It even bit me. Maybe it was because it was afraid of me, or maybe it was that I didn't speak hamster, or maybe it was just lonely and needed another hamster friend to play with, but it never did love me the way I wanted it to.

“I told my momma that it didn’t like me and wanted a friend of its own, so we got it a companion. Well, I was wrong. They fought in that cage until one ate the other. It was so gross! Yup, came home from school, excited to check on them and found that. I was devastated and confused. I got to thinking, trying to understand what the hamster wanted. I knew what I wanted. I wanted my pet to love me, but it didn’t.

“I started to despise my pet. No matter what I did, I couldn’t make the spoiled cage dweller happy, and I wondered if I gave everything that I had given to the hamster to the wild animals in the backyard, if they would love and appreciate me.

“So, that’s when I built a new dollhouse, outside, out of sticks and mud, dryer lint and old clothes. I even freed my hamster into the new home I built. Momma wasn’t too happy about that, but it was so exciting thinking about how my pet, the birds, squirrels and other creatures would love what I had made just for them, a beautiful home with lots of good food to eat, a place where we could meet and be together.

“I’d go out there every chance I got, bringing food with me like seeds, nuts, fruits and veggies, then I’d sit and wait for them to come, but they never did. Nope, not one. Every morning, I’d go and check on things, and all the food would be gone, so I gave them more. After coming home from school, the same thing. The food would be gone, so I’d give them more. And I’d wait. I tried everything, sitting still, calling them, singing to them. If they’d just get to know me, see that I wasn't a threat, see that I cared for them, then they’d trust me, right?

“If I watched from the window, they would come out and eat, mostly birds. They’d perch on the sticks I constructed, take pieces of lint for their nests, quarrel over seeds, bird stuff. So, I’d try to sneak out there, but as soon as they saw me, they’d fly off. How long would it take for them to be my friends?

“Well, one day, I came home from school, rushed outside with snacks, and you know what I found? My little sister had been playing outside with momma, and decided to get into my outdoor dollhouse. It was destroyed. Momma apologized, said she didn’t get to her before it was too late, and the whole thing was knocked down. She said she’d help me rebuild it, but I told her it was okay.

“So I sat outside alone, in my pile of muddy rubble and cried. And cried. And cried. When I finally ran out of tears, I started thinking, thinking about who had made this earth and me, and why had I never talked to him before? Maybe he loved me and made the whole wide world for me to enjoy. And just maybe he was waiting for me to love him the same way I was waiting for these creatures to love me.

“And that, my darling, was the first time I ever talked to God. While I was telling him all about my new realizations, it started sprinkling, but I didn’t care. I had a lot to say to him. And I made him and myself a promise, to always love him and know that he’s there. I promised to always talk to him and trust him, because I knew what it was like. Then it went from sprinkling to raining, and I decided I should go inside. And as I was heading in, I heard a tiny meow.

“I looked and saw a wet little furball of a kitten that had come out of nowhere. The kitty was coming to me for help. I just knew it was cold and hungry, so I grabbed it up and took it inside. We became best friends. We’d play and cuddle, go outside and spend time with God. I loved that cat, and it loved me, too.

“You know, when I think about it, I’m like God’s pet cat in a way. Yeah, I get into mischief, but he still loves me, and I love him, too. And you know what else? He loves you, too, sweet baby.”

The new mother pulled her breast from her sleeping infant’s mouth and tucked it away, then laid her babe in the bassinet, headed to the kitchen for some tea, and sat down at the table.

“Thank you, Lord, for this hot tea in my beautiful dollhouse. Thank you for loving me and spending time with me.”

Then the clouds parted just enough to shine a ray of light into the kitchen window. She knew she was not alone, and she smiled.