Stay (pt2)

There was something in Jack’s eyes that Daniel didn’t understand as he spoke those words, nor did he know how to decipher the sadness that resounded within his chocolate colored eyes. Instead of speaking further, Daniel watched Jack hit the call button to alert the doctor he was awake. He watched Jack’s face, the tightness around his eyes and shoulders. The expression that took residence as he looked Daniel over.

“Oh, Danny, I’m so sorry,” he whispered as he took Daniel’s hand. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“What did happen, Jack?”

Jack’s eyes watered but he didn’t answer, he couldn’t. He was saved from the torture of answering Daniel’s question as Doctor Sanders entered the room. “Good morning, Daniel. How are we feeling today?” Sanders was a short man with a lean build. His demeanor suggested a military stint that he was still proud of. His green eyes were kinda and his smile reassuring.

“Thirsty. Kinda confused.” Daniel accepted a cup of water from Jack that had a lime green bendy-straw sticking out of the lid.

“Are you in any pain?” Sanders met Daniel’s eye as he asked this, his pen poised to jot down his answers.

“A little. My head hurts. What happened to me?” Daniel directed this question at Jack, who looked down and away, avoiding Daniel’s gaze.

“I will explain what happened to you to the best of my ability, I promise. I know you must have a lot of questions right now. But please, bear with me.” At Daniel’s nod, Doctor Sanders continued. “What is the last thing you remember before waking up this morning?”

Daniel frowned as he thought back, confused as to why there was such a blank in his mind. “Um…having lunch with Jack.” He looked over at Jack at the sound that escaped him. His head was in his hands, fingers curled tightly into his hair.

“When was that, Mr. Jones?” The doctor’s voice was kind, soft as he addressed Jack.

“Two days before it happened.” Jack’s voice was low in volume and it quaked with his words.

“Jack?” He wouldn’t look at Daniel, stubbornly staring at his feet and he couldn’t deny the sudden anxiety building up within him. “Jack, please.”

“We were targeted, Danny. They tried to kill us both.”

“Who?” Daniel asked with a frown.

“I don’t know.”

               Doctor Sanders finished his exam of Daniel, asking questions to check his memory, checking motor functions. “Alright, Daniel. You are better than I had expected. Now that you’re awake, I will set up a series of tests; CT, CAT scans and the like to further see if there is any remaining brain damage.”

               Jack stood and shook the man’s hand. “Thanks, Doc.”

               Daniel took that moment to study Jack. Jack, whom he had known the better part of twenty-five years. Who he knew inside and out. And as he looked at him at that moment, Daniel realized he’d never seen him in such a state. His brown hair was mussed, sticking up in all directions, indicative of a level of stress higher than he’d seen in a long time. He looked tired. Dark circles shadowed under his eyes. He wasn’t sleeping again. And as Jack walked the four steps back to the chair he’d hardly left, Daniel noticed him favoring his left side. “Jack?” Jack looked at him, but didn’t speak. “What’s wrong with your side?”

               “They tried to stab me. I was able to move before he did…the blade just grazed me. I didn’t even realize it until the cops showed up. I’m sorry, Daniel. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…” Jack trailed off, his throat clogging up like the bathroom sink drain in his first apartment.

               “Didn’t mean for what, Jack?”

               Daniel watched as tears slipped down Jack’s face. “Please, Danny. I can’t do this now.” In all their lives Daniel had only seen Jack cry a handful of times. The last time (that he could remember) he saw Jack cry was three years prior when his father suddenly passed away unexpectedly from a cardiac arrest in his sleep. The sight always surprised him and made Daniel ache in a way that he only experienced at seeing his love so upset to the point of tears.

               Jack looked up expecting Daniel to argue, as he always did when he was being close lipped about something he shouldn’t be, just in time to see the change fall over Daniel’s face. “Daniel?” For a moment there was a blankness to his expression that reminded Jack of an AI that had been shut down…or rebooted, he thought morbidly. “Danny?” Jack stood up, panic now overtaking his system, and sat down gingerly on the hospital bed Daniel occupied. Reaching out, Jack cupped Daniel’s cheek as gently as he could, lest he hurt him, calling his name one more time before Daniel’s light blue eyes finally focused on him. “Danny, baby, please say something.”

               “Jack?” Daniel looked around. “Why are we in the hospital? What happened?”

               Jack felt his whole world zero in to a pinpoint at the moment. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even blink as his mind tried and failed to understand what was happening. “Danny, love…” He cleared his throat to keep his voice steady and tried again, “What…what’s the last thing you remember?”

               Daniel frowned at the question. “Having lunch with you. Why? What’s going on, Jack?”

               Jack felt his heart shatter at his toes, his breathe, what remained of it, being sucked from his lungs like a vacuum. “I’ve gotta get the doctor, Danny, okay?”

               Daniel panicked, grabbing on to Jack’s arm, his eyes going wide with fear. “No, Jack. No, please don’t leave me.”

               Jack laid his head against Daniel’s shoulder, an uncontrolled sob bursting through the surface. “I’m not going anywhere, Danny. I’m just gonna hit the call button, okay?”

               The familiarity of the conversation broke something within Jack at that moment. He knew then that neither one of them would ever be the same.

               Doctor Sanders came into the room moments later looking alarmed and puzzled. “What’s happened, Mr. Jones?”

               “He…he doesn’t remember…”

               “Mr. Jones, please sit down before you fall down. Tell me what’s happened.” He looked over at Daniel and gave him a reassuring smile. By the look on the man’s face, the good doctor knew he wouldn’t get much out of his patient.

               “We were talking and…he just blanked…and when he…I don’t know…came back…he didn’t remember the last hour he’s been awake.”

               The doctor frowned. He was hoping the damage done to Daniel’s brain wouldn’t be that bad. But from what he was being told, they had a serious problem on their hands. “Okay. I have a range of scans set up for him in an hour. I will come back in fifty minutes. I want to see what you’re talking about.” He stood then and made his way over to Daniel’s bedside. “Hi, Daniel. I’m Doctor Sanders.”

               Jack listened as the doctor went over the same questions he’d asked before, his mind reeling at the prospect of what this would mean for their future. How would he care for him? How would he care for himself while caring for Daniel? He knew he wouldn’t abandon him to some care facility. He couldn’t do that. How would he explain that to Daniel? He wouldn’t be able to find the words, nor would he be able to live with himself just dumping him off with strangers in a strange place. He and Daniel had always had each other and Daniel needed him now more than ever.

               “Jack, no. Don’t leave me alone,” Daniel was pleading, reaching for him, tears raining like a storm from his eyes.

               “I’m not leaving you, Danny. I’ll be right here. I just can’t go with you for the scans. I’m not going anywhere, Danny.” Jack leaned down and kissed Daniel’s forehead gently, trying his best to keep himself under control for Daniel’s sake. He knew Daniel was scared and if he were honest, he was scared for him. “I love you. I’ll be right here, okay?”

               “No. Jack, no…” Daniel latched on to Jack’s arm, wrapping both of his around Jack’s one. “Don’t let them take me without you. Please. Don’t leave me.” The rest of Daniel’s words couldn’t be understood through the panicked sobs escaping him.

               Jack looked at the doctor who was watching the display. “Doc, please. I know it isn’t SOP, but please.” Jack knelt down to Daniel’s level, who was occupying a wheelchair, trying to calm him down.

               “Alright. I’ll need you to keep him calm. Can you do that?” Jack met the man’s eyes and nodded. “Okay. I’ll give you a moment and then we’ll go.”

               “Thank you, Doc.” To Daniel he said, “Danny, love, breathe. Come on, breathe for me. That’s it. One more time. There ya go, Danny boy.” Jack pulled back, still keeping contact with Daniel and smiled weakly at him. “I’m coming with you, okay? I’ll be right next to you the whole time.”

               “Promise?”

               “Yeah, Danny. I promise.”

               Jack’s mind spun with what he’d been told. How could this be? He glanced to the right where Jamie was talking with Daniel. They’d stayed an extra week in the hospital for observations as the rest of his wounds healed. Glad that Daniel was distracted, Jack stepped out of the room, leaning against the wall for much needed support.

               “Danny, Jamie and I need to talk with the doctor outside for a few minutes, okay. I’ll just be outside the door. Just yell for me if you need me.” Daniel nodded but didn’t speak, his eyes glassing over. Since he had initially first woken up, to be in a room without the other man sent Daniel into an entropy of anxiety that he didn’t understand. He didn’t remember it being that way before. They had always been close, always together but still he knew that at one point Jack could go pee without him having an anxiety attack about Jack leaving the room. He tried not to panic as he watched Jack leave the room. A slow smile began to play on his lips, however, when Jack left his hand within sight, gripping the doorway to his room.

               “So what’s going on with him?” Jack didn’t care to beat around the bush. He wanted to know what was happening to his love and best friend.

               “The brain damage and thus the amnesia is quite a bit worse than I had originally hoped. His short term memory is severely damaged. From the blow with the bottle as well as the amount of swelling and the bleeding in the brain all comes into play here. It seems as if Daniel’s brain is…” He paused reconsidering his words. “Think of Daniel’s short term memory as a clock. Now…yours, mine, anyone who has a normally functioning clock doesn’t reset. It just keep counting, taking in information and storing it away. The part of Daniel’s brain that’s responsible for transferring new information from short-term to long-term memory is…malfunctioned…making his clock reset every hour. All his long-term memories seem to be intact. Which is why he can remember both of you and his life before the incident.”

               Jack was silent as he absorbed this information. He looked at Jamie as she asked the question he couldn’t. “So what does that mean for Daniel in terms of living, care and the like?”

               “He will need round the clock care.”

               Jack interrupted, anger lacing his voice as what was being implied. “I will not just dump him in some home with strangers he won’t remember.”

               The doctor studied the man a moment before continuing. “Normally that is what I would suggest. I have a few references I can give you to home-care nurses. And I want him to come see me once a month. Now you need to understand something if you decide to take on this responsibility. He will get confused easily. Irritable. He will forget where he is if he’s anywhere for too long. He won’t remember new people he meets. He won’t be able to watch a movie in full without forgetting the beginning. Parts of him will be the person you’ve always known. But understand that other parts of him will likely never be the same. I cannot tell you how long this will last.”

               Jack silently cried as the implications of what was ahead. He cried for Daniel. He cried for himself. He cried because it was his fault this had happened to begin with. And the guilt consumed him.

               It was two months now that Daniel had been allowed home. His life had become a whirlwind of confusion and fear. He smiled though as Jack had remained his constant. He was sitting on the bed reviewing the notebook Jack suggested he use to help him remember things over the days. He frowned as he read it. There was something missing.

               “Jack?” Daniel called as Jack came into the room.

               “Yeah?” Jack’s eyes flicked to the notebook in Daniel’s hands and knew what the next question would be. “What happened that night? I know you haven’t told me because I haven’t written it down. Tell me, Jack, I deserve to know.”

               Jack sighed. He’d avoided it long enough. “The week before the attack, I received an anonymous message. It told me to leave you…end it…before a certain day at a certain time or they would…they would kill you.” Jack’s heart squeezed his throat as he recalled the events. “I couldn’t leave…until the night of the attack I got another one. It said simply, “Too late”. I didn’t know what else to do after reading that so I…broke it off with you. And I left. I didn’t get five blocks before I turned back. By the time I got back home, they had you outside. We fought. One died and the other two are still at large.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I thought I lost you, Danny. This is all my fault.” Jack looked away as tears welled in his eyes. Not looking at Daniel he said, “Write it down, Danny. Please. So I don’t have to tell you again.”

               “You left me?”

               “I only wanted to protect you. I didn’t want them to kill you, Danny. And they almost…please, write it down. Write in there, too, that I love you, Daniel. I love you so much. If I’d have lost you…I wouldn’t have been far behind. That’s…not something you should doubt. I’ve loved you my whole life. And I couldn’t stand the thought of you dying because you love me.”