will to survive

" Are you crazy" My mom yelled at me and start to cough and my sister immediately got up from sofa and went to bring water. My mother in her late 70's and she has some health issues she can't handle stress and she thinks her yelling can change my mind.

I look at her without any regret, i know my decision is right and i have to do this for the shake of survival. I can't depend on my family each time and I don't want to feel i am useless whenever i look at mirror. For god shake i have nothing to loss right now in my life.

After sometime my mom calmed and once again stared at me . Now she is looking at me like i am useless stubborn who never listens to anybody and who does what he decides. By the look of her face i can say that she knows i am not going to step back from my decision but she also not going to give up that easily.

"Anny you can't do this , what will people think about you. At the age of this you are going to do such a thing. What will people says and god knows how our community leaders will act and don't forget we are still tribes , your dad is educated that doesn't mean whole tribe will agree with you" She paused and continued " i don't know why you are doing this, if you have any financial issue i will give you money but don't do the things which our society can't accept".

I just sit quietly looking out of the window and start to speak " i know mom, what i am doing. Whatever i am doing, it will be my way to survive mom. I don't think my decision will create a issue in our tribal society . Instead of that ,i will be an example for the whole tribal society and all the women who feel themselves useless"

" but its too late don't forget you are 40 not 12 where you can act like teenagers" Mom once again yelled with frustration and she is so much attached to her old traditions and ideas that she can't even see her daughter suffering.

This time i m also not going to give up on my decision because my decision is so much right that it can create a model example in future, for this tribe.

" Mom for the god shake there is no age for going college and i want to complete my education. Educating our self is not a bad thing for society. And Mom i don't want your money , i want your support Mom. remember dad always told us that 'its better late than never '. I know it is very late to educate myself mom but if i don't took this step now then i am not able to do this again Mom. Please try to understand me , I don't want to live like a old useless thing which kept in the corner of the home and no one knows about the existence of that thing. I want something to hold on in this life Mom and You also know right now my life is shattered" I said and once again went to my world where my memories are haunting me.

3 months back i have a stable family like all women. I have loving husband and my two little princess we are very happy and content with our life. Everything is beautiful in my 15 years marriage until that day.

That is the day of my destruction which broke my heart in to million pieces of glass. That is the day when my husband is bringing my two princess back from airport. And they never came.

Whole night I tried to connect with them but got nothing and i called police .

The next morning police called me and said they found a red car in valley . Then i knew what may be happened to my family.

" sis don't cry i am with you" my sister's voice bring me back from my memories. I wiped my tears and give small smile to her. I know she understands me very well. She is more younger than me, we have age difference but she is more mature than her age girls and boys.

Now i know arguing with my mom will not take us anywhere . May be she is angry at me now, may be she will stop talking with me for a months. One day she will feel proud about my decision. So i don't have to look back now, i already cried a lot and i know my daughters and husband will never be happy if they see me crying like this. I don't want to disappoint them because they always call me 'super women'. Yeah they used to call me that because i always help them whenever they are in problem. When i solve their problem they always hugged me and told me that " you are great mom you have solution for everything , you are my beautiful super women i love you". Still beautiful words of my daughters rings in my ear like a music. So now i have to solve my own problem like super women.

So this super women is now going to fight for her own life. So i stood from chair and wore my trench coat ,took car keys and start to walk away from home. When i am at the main door my mom asked me " where are you going"

" for college admission" i said calmly

" you can't " she yelled at me

" i can" I said and left my home with determination to live my new life.

life is not easy my dad always told me once . But i now knew difficulties in life only give us opportunity to do something new and face the world with the courage. Our happiness depends on how we act when things fall apart. Right now I have two choices - sit in home and cry each day with old memories or remember good memories of life and start new beginning for my life. I choose to start new life because its never late to start new beginning............