Raccoon crimes

Have you ever wondered if the animal world is like the human world? Do you think certain animals, like raccoons, are in the mafia? Well, in my mother’s strange world, it does.

Hi, my name is Linkin. My family and I love animals. We own 3 dogs, 30 chickens, 2 roosters, a cockatoo, and a chameleon. I know what you’re thinking, but we don’t live on a farm. We own a lot of land with that many animals. I live with my mom, Moni Walker, Grandma, Georgia, Grandpa Ralph, and my two sisters, Rain and Jade. I’m the oldest of my siblings. My sister Rain is 15 and we are in the same grade, and Jade is 11. My siblings and I are home-schooled, because when I was in the 7th grade in public school, I had the worst panic attack, and I eventually passed out. But that’s a story for another day.

My mom likes to talk to her animals, she says they understand her. I still don’t quite understand that, but I still love her. I think she has watched Dr. Dolittle too many times. On Wednesday afternoon, Mom went outside to feed her animals, but something was not right. She notices that some of her chickens are missing. She let it go for now, but you knew it was nagging at her. “Dad, do you think some animal is eating my chickens? Rita, Shelly, and Tina are missing,” asked Mom. My grandpa replies, “We do have chicken hawks flying around, but it could also be a raccoon or opossum.” Pondering what grandpa had said, she walks away thinking hard. As the day passed by, she did the same routine, helped us with school, fed and talked to her animals. My sisters and I watched Mom go outside through the window. Jade says, “Why does Mom talk to her animals?” Laughing Rain replies, “She says they understand her.” Jade snickers and rolls her eyes, says “OOKKAAYY. If you say so.” Nobody wants to burst her bubble, so we just let her be.

Our dog, Rebel, does a good job of keeping other animals away, and he did get rid of our mole problem. Crazy dog likes all people, but not animals. The only animals that are hard to get are the raccoons and others that climb trees. Mom is outside listening and talking to her chickens again. Jose is our white rooster and is the leader of the flock. The other rooster is Honcho, he looks like most roosters you see around. Freckles is our oldest hen; she is black with brown specks, hence the name freckles. Then there is Rosita, she is a red hen, that’s Jose’s main woman. All the other female hens are red, blonde, brown, and black. Just a variety of colors. Yolanda, Shelia, Moesha, Heather, Chicita, Tiny, Shiny, Mona are just some of the names of names. I was outside with my mom and asked her, “How do you know who is who?” Looking at her questioningly. Mom says, “They all have different personalities and I know all of them.” I shrug, “That's not helpful. I still can’t tell them apart.” I said.

On Sunday morning, Mom goes outside to feed her animals. “Good morning, sugar dumplings. How was your night?” said Mom. She counted her chickens, and 3 more were missing. I hear her asking Rebel and Jose, “What is going on? I thought you two were supposed to protect the others!” She threw her hands in the air and walked away.

In the chicken pen:

Jose: “Rosita, come here. What is wrong? Why are my other girls missing?”

Rosita: scoffing with attitude, “I don’t know. You’re the big man around here. Aren’t you supposed to know?”

Jose: “Women don’t talk back to me.”

Walking up is Honcho.

Honcho: “You should have let me be the leader, but NNNOOO.”

Rosita: “Oh, be quite Honcho. You lost that fight against Jose.”

She walks away clucking. Clearly frustrated.

Back at the house:

My mom was all torn up. Grandpa and Mom were trying to come up with a plan to find out and catch the animal that was getting their chickens. Later that evening, we were all getting ready for bed when we heard Rebel barking like crazy. Mom says, “What is going on with that dog?” Mom comes out of her room, meeting Grandpa in the hallway. They both walked outside to see what Rebel was barking at. They spot a raccoon mid-stride coming down the tree. Grandpa threw a rock at it but missed it. Walking back in the house she says, “Well, now I know what is getting my chickens. RACCOONS.” The next day, we do our normal routine: shower, eat, and get ready for school. Yes, mom makes us still get ready for school even though we are homeschooled. Mom started us on work before we had a live class. Rain asked, “Hey, Mom, what kind of animal is getting your chickens?” Mom replies, “It was a raccoon. I bet it was a mob hit. The raccoons are the mafia, but why would they hit us?” I turn around and look at her. Now I’ve heard it all. I rolled my eyes and said, “Really, Mom, a raccoon mafia!”

Today was not as bad as the other school days, we got done early. Mom goes outside to feed and talk to her animals. She gets to the chicken pen and looks around, picking up eggs, and talks to her chickens. While Mom was out there, Rain, Jade, and I peeked out the window, listening to her. I blurted to the girls, “Mom has lost it. She thinks a Raccoon Mafia exists.” Girls reply, “I know, right?” Then Grandma Georgia walks by and says, “Your mom has always had a wild imagination. And I don’t think you will be able to change her mind.” We all walked away agreeing with Grandma. Rain says, “Grandma's right. It is funny to think there is a Raccoon Mafia.” We all walk to our caves, that’s what Mom calls our rooms.

Back outside:

Mom asks, “Jose, are you causing trouble with the raccoon mafia? Boy, you better not be, if you are, I’m going to turn you into fried chicken.” Jose turns and looks at Mom with his eyeballs popping out, then walks away. “Rosita, you better get your man straight. I don’t know which one of you is causing problems with the raccoons, but I know the Mafia doesn’t play games. Trust me I watch Investigation Discovery.” Mom walks back up to the house and goes inside.

In the chicken pen:

Rosita yelling at Jose: “What in the world is Moni talking about!?”

Jose: “I don’t know. She is crazy.”

You can hear the other chickens clucking.

Rosita: “Sure, whatever. But when Moni turns you into fried chicken I’m going to laugh.”

Jose fluffs his feathers and walks away.

Honcho comes around the corner with Freckles and some of the other girls.

The Racoon Mafia hut: (Don means big boss)

Don Bernardo: “Ricky, we are going to hit the chicken pen again. This time try to catch one of the roosters.”

Ricky (Don's cousin): “Sure thing. I know I can get Honcho. He’s a wuss.”

Tony (bodyguard): “We can talk to the old black hen. What’s her name?” Snapping his fingers thinking “Freckles!”

Now they are making plans on how to catch Honcho and any other chickens they can get.

Little did anybody know it was Freckles, who set all this up. She sent word to the Raccoon Mafia by a lizard to get a hit out on Jose. She hates Jose. Jose was the one who killed her brother, Bobby. Since then, she has been set on revenge. The sweet old ones are the most devious.

Back in the house:

Mom and grandma are cooking. Flour tortillas are the best, you can eat them with anything. I’m in my room playing Overwatch on my PS4. Mom calls out to us to eat dinner. We sound like a herd of elephants going to the dining room. Mom asked, “Did y’all wash your hands?” We all got up and went to wash our hands, and when we got back to the table, we were already served. Chowing down I asked, “Mom, what are you going to do about the raccoons?” Mom says, “I’m not sure. I might shoot them, or my dad and I will set a trap.” A few hours later, Mom went outside to check on her chickens. She was trying to sneak up on the mafia, but when she shines the light on them nothing looks wrong.

So, Mom just walks back up to the house and tucks us in bed. When she wakes up the next day, she wakes us up doing our morning routine. Mom walks outside to the chicken pen; she said she had a bad feeling that something bad had happened. Opening the chicken pen, she notices there are feathers everywhere, it looks like the chicken coop massacre. Her chickens were huddled up in a corner of the pen. There were only 10 chickens left, and Jose the rooster. Honcho was nowhere in sight.

Mom walks back to the house and tells Grandma to help us with our schoolwork for a while. She has to clean the pen, the mob hit, and hit hard. Mom grabbed gloves, a trash bag, and a shovel. They spent an hour and a half outside cleaning the coop. She had to bury Honcho; he was stuck in the fence. Jose, Gretchen, Rosita, Emily, Tina, Tiny, Shelia, Chicita, Moesha, Heather, and Shiny. When she came into the house, she looked and smelled awful. Grandma told her to go take a shower and then come and help the kids with school. Grandpa came home from work, and Mom told him what happened to her chickens. Grandpa has a day off today, so he said he is going to shoot that darn animal. School was a long day. Math is the worst subject ever, it takes so long to do. Mom says her brain can only do so much, it’s like a car running out of gas, putting till it's out of gas. We all laugh but understand what she means. Mom is always saying the weirdest things. I wonder where she gets this stuff. Around 9:00 p.m., Grandpa heads outside with his shotgun and a flashlight, looking for the raccoon. Mom’s chickens were all still scared, they didn’t move from the corner they were in earlier. Grandpa shines the light all around, then spots him. He was up in a tree near the chicken coop, looking down at the poor things. Ricky Raccoon says quietly to the others, “Just wait I’ll get you when that person goes inside.” Grandpa said, “He is in the tree to the right between the split in it. Shine the light on him and I’ll shoot him.” Mom grabs the flashlight falls off the tree. We were happy, maybe they would leave our chickens alone now.

Tony, the bodyguard of the Don, sees everything and goes and sends a message to the boss. They used Twitter, he found a woodpecker, and told him to tell the Boss. When the Don heard what the people had done to his cousin Ricky, he wanted revenge. He goes with a few others to Freckles' chicken coop, where they got her by herself, thinking she had something to do with Ricky’s death, they had her for dinner.

That’s what happens when you mess with the mafia.

The next day when Grandpa checks in the morning, he only sees Jose, Gretchen, and Rosita.

Mom was devastated and decided to wait on buying more chickens. During the weekend, Mom saw Gretchen lying on eggs. “Hopefully we will have some chicks,” said Mom. Mon was happy, but you never know when the Raccoon Mafia will strike again.