Akira

I can bet this train isn’t as crowded as my mind right now. Thoughts dispersed in every area my mind can contain. The train is filled with commuters, tourists, and people who are trying to escape reality (this is the category I fall under).

It’s a four hour ride from Niigata to Yamanashi. Four hours. I don’t mind it taking the entire year as long as I can get far away from this place. The place that was once my safe haven.

For a moment I decided to push the thoughts and pain that turned my mind to an Olympic track aside, so I can focus and live in the moment. This moment. I can’t let it pass me by, the beautiful perfume scent from the Irish looking man (a tourist I suppose) beside me zigzagly finding its way to my nostril, the smile that was stucked on the girl’s face standing two humans away from me. Just then I noticed a smile trying to sneak its way to my grumpy face, the face it once lived and the face it longs for now. Oh how much it misses me!

I still remember the cell phone slipping out of my hand from my ear, replayed in slow motion, I can hear my heart trying to break free from its cage of ribs when my neighbour told me Akira got hit by a car. The phone going down in slow motion with a voice from the other side pleading, wishing, and hoping for a saviour but it’s supposed to be messiah seeks one too, so incompetent. Finally crashed into the earth crust made of hard igneous rock. Shattered, wounded.

A broken cell, a broken screen, a broken heart, and a broken world I find myself in.

The sun noticed my mood in the train and tried to pet me by allowing its rays cloth the visible part of my body. Warm and calm, but then I ignore it. It doesn’t know how I feel and the way it shone above, mockingly, how dare it smile this bright on my dark days? I wouldn’t mind trading places but I guess it’s just as selfish as we humans and will never consider the offer.

Akira, the very epitome of beauty is damaged extensively all done, DEAD.

I despise myself for ever leaving her side, I seldom do that but she was hungry and we ran out of groceries, so I had to go grab a quick bite for her. I didn’t even say goodbye. Oh beautiful Akira! You finally allowed this malicious world get to you.

I pulled a 16x8cm rectangular photo frame from my winter coat and stared with grief and anger. Angry she had to leave me knowing she’s all I got left, or maybe I was angry because finally I couldn’t keep my promise to her and Yua.

Akira squarely built, sturdy, with a fluffy plumed tail curled over the back and draped to one side. The most beautiful I have seen of the Samoyed bred, now four feet below.

Yua will really be disappointed in me, Akira was the gift she gave me on my birthday when we were still lovers before she travelled for college. A present gone in the present.

The train ride was gloomy, tedious, and forlorn. This is the first time I have travelled without Akira in 10 years. 10 years since my first and last human love left, Yua. Akira filled her spot perfectly, maybe because she is the only connection I had left of Yua.

“She is the symbol of my love, Yukio” she gleed “White, untainted, beautiful, and adorable” she added releasing the tiny little creature into my arms.

A week later she left. We kept in touch for a month before we lost connection, the connection I later found in Akira.

It’s so easy to make promises when you are young, naive, and in love. Promises. The one thing we couldn’t keep. First we promised to never let anything come between us, I guess Yua failed on that part, she had to go study but then she forgot she owe me an obligation, a promise. I promised to never let anything break my bond with Akira and I failed woefully.

I board a cab as soon as I got off the train, that lengthy and boring creature. A 2009 Mitsubishi Grunder, black, sassy, classic, just what I needed.

The driver, mid-thirties, round face, dark curly hair, broken canal that gets exposed when he smiles.

The air here doesn’t smell any different neither do the people, but at least I have gone away from everything that can remind me of Yua or Akira. Or maybe not, I still have their photos. Sorrow has been my closest companion lately, I kinda seek its company, I intentional want to be happy, I don’t deserve it. At least not anymore.

I arrived at mother’s at exactly 6:10pm, I held my luggage for a while and imagined how my mother has been able to fare all this years alone since my dad passed away, she is my hero indeed. She has been strong for my sake all this years despite being lonely.

The house has not really changed from the last time I saw it. The garden outside looks fresh, clean, and well trimmed, mother must have been working hard I thought.

I sighed and walked in, there’s no one in the living room, a cup tea laid on the table, I could see the steam evaporating to the ceiling from the daddy’s favourite mug which tells me she just made this and must be around somewhere.

I transferred my attention towards the nice aroma I could perceive from the kitchen, the taste and nice smell of mother’s meal, oh how much I have missed it!

“Watashi no musuko” she exclaimed
“Mama” I cried out

I ran to her embrace. She hugged me tightly, I lay my head on her chest and I could feel her heartbeat, her breath also warmth my head. I could sense the joy she feels for seeing me again from her voice, her embrace, and her weak but bright smile across her wrinkled face. For the first time in a long time I feel whole again.

“You came right in time Yukio, am making supper”

“I have missed your ever tasty meals mama” I confessed.

“You just sit here, I’ll be done before you know it”

“Let me help you mama”

“The only way you can help me now is to sit down and rest Yukio. We have a lot to talk about, I need to know what has been going on since you left. I have been in the dark for a while”

She zoomed off to the kitchen. I let my eyes scan every part of the interior. How did she manage to keep the house in good shape after all this years, I wonder? Nothing seemed out of place, the floor is sparkling clean, the wooden chairs still look strong and firm from the last time I saw them.
Mama dished out a plate of salmon soba salad for dinner but then I noticed there was a third plate on the table.

“Mama this smells delicious. Are we expecting a third party?”

“Of course we are”

“Who is it ma?”

“She will be here in any moment from now” she gleed.

There was a knock on the door, she smiled and headed straight for it.

“You are just in time” I could hear tell the stranger. I still am wondering who it is.

I waited anxiously to see the face of the visitor and also for a chance to devour my favorite meal.

“You have a guest” I could hear the stranger ask mother. Her voice was mild and tender, and very much familiar. I can’t recall where I’ve heard it before and it me unease.

“Have a sit” mother offered.

I could barely see her face as she is trying make her way to the sit mother offered her, she was putting on an elegant white skimpy gown that somehow reflected the light in the room.

“Yua” I gasped.

“Yukio!” she exclaimed.

I could hold back my emotions as I ran to the other side of the table and hugged her tightly which she welcomed warmly. 

“I have never been so pleased to see anyone”

“The feeling is mutual Yukio”

I retired back to my sit and just stared at her in admiration and surprise.
Mother coughed to break the silence “Can you both eat now since you’ve both gone dumb”

She shuffled back to the living room.

“After you” I beamed, gesturing her to grab the first bite.

“With Pleasure”.