The Chosen One's Mission

You wake up and stretch your arms. Yawning, you look at your clock. 10:29, Saturday, your day off! You take the covers off, get up, and walk out in the hall. You look at the thermostat and turn it down. You continue walking in the living room.

You are about to go to the kitchen when something catches your eye. You look under the door.

“What the—” you say and pull the blind open.

You look outside and gasp. The sky is red.

“What the hell?” you blurt out. It looks like you are on Mars. You cautiously slide the door open an inch and peek out. The red glow makes you blink. You slide it open the rest of the way. Normally, a person would play safe and stay inside, but not you! You take a deep breath. Slowly, you step outside. A warm breeze ruffles your hair. This is the second time the forecast has been wrong; you think as red clouds hover above. You look around your backyard. The red light made everything eerie. Your pool looks ominous with the red hue over it.

“Heya hiya hoah!” a zebra wearing a leather jacket appears in mid air and you scream. “Oh, shut up!”

You stop.

“I’m called Lemon Pants McGee. You've been chosen by the Space Gods to save the universe.”

“What?” you blurt out.

“You heard me, gushy human!”

“Space Gods?”

“Yep.”

“I must've been drugged or something.”

“You weren’t. This is real.”

“What do you want?” is the first question you can think of.

“Eons ago, the Space Gods were experimenting. They like to see what works and what doesn’t. They would experiment with all kinds of stuff: hydrogen, argon, sodium.  One day, they created a bomb and the explosion released atoms everywhere which created the universe. They were happy with their creation, but they wanted a successor in case they die. So, they chose you. They’ve been watching you ever since you were born.”

“Why did they choose me?”

“They like your skills.”

“My skills?”

“Yep.”

“What skills?"

 “You breathe very well.”

“What?”

“Come with me.”

“Uh…” you balk.

“Please, you must… for the sake of the universe!”

“What if I refuse?”

“Didn't you hear me? The universe will be destroyed if you deny your destiny!”

“What?”

“Yes. By the Space Gods. Planets will collide with each other and crumble, meteors will hit everything and destroy all civilization, the sun will not come out tomorrow!”

“OK, OK, I'll go.”

“Thank you!” The zebra grabs your hand and kisses it. You feel a little awkward by his gesture. He lets go, reaches into his hip, and starts pulling something lime green out. You gawk in amazement as it gets larger. Wheels emerge.

“What the hell?” You blurt out.

 He continues to pull. A lime green bar with wheels on each end. He pulls the thing out. it looks like a four-wheel bicycle.

“This is called a bike thing,” he says, flashing a horse smile. He then pats it with his hoof.

“Bike thing?”

“I got it from underground rabbit creatures.”

“OK?”

“OK… That’s a funny word. OK OK OK OK OK OK OK!” He grins.

“Uh…”

“Hop on.”

You hesitate.

“Come on.”

You slowly climb in.

“Buckle up.”

Before you do anything, the seat belt starts to move. You almost jump out of your clothes as it comes over your chest. It clicks securely.

“Pretty cool, huh?” the zebra says as he gets on. The seatbelt automatically buckles him in. “I had this bike thing modified for space travel.”

“Uh, yes, it’s pretty cool.”

“Thank you,” Lemonpants McGee says, and you feel it lift up.

“Woah!” You exclaim and realize the vehicle makes no noise.

The bike thing goes up and up… into the clouds. You feel it become cold and your teeth chatter. 

“Quit being surprised!” Lemonpants McGee snaps and lets out a yappy-bark. The two of you zoom into space.

“Sorry?”

“It's OK… It's just that everyone is surprised it can travel in space.”

“And that's a bad thing?”

“Yes, I’m sick and tired of it!” Lemonpants McGee snorts as the bike thing zooms out of your galaxy. Stars whirl past.

“Why?”

“Chicken thigh”

“What?”

“Chicken butt.”

“Never mind!” you exclaim.

When I was young, my mom would feed me space applesauce until I went noo-noo.”

“What?”

“She said if I didn't go noo-noo, she'd spank my zebra bum-bum.

“Uh, OK?”

“And another time, I was riding my red tricycle in the grasslands, of Africa and got hijacked by a lion salesman. Boy! Did Mommy wallop my bum-bum! How are you liking these stories from my past?”

“Uh…”

“What?” Lemonpants McGee asks as you pass a quasar.

“They're very… entertaining?”

“What's that s’posta mean?!”

“Uh…”

“Oh! I get it. I’m too weird for you! Well, lemme tell you something, Buttercup…”

“What?”

“I don’t have anything to say.”

“All right.”

An awkward silence overtakes the vehicle. You just watch the zebra pedal the vehicle. He wipes his hoof on his black nose and sniffles, then yippy-barks.

“He’s insane! What am I going to do?!” you think.

Time passes as you go over your options.

“We‘re here.” Lemonpants McGee announces as the vehicle approaches a small gray and orange planet.

“Woah!” you exclaim and remember your phone is in your pocket. You pull it out.

“NO PHONES!” Lemonpants McGee shrieks and snatches it from you.

“Hey!” you exclaim, and the crazy zebra pulls a bazooka out of his chest fur.

“Say ‘bye-bye’, mutha—"

“STOP, YOU LUNATIC!” you shout.

“What?”

“Give my phone back.”

“No, I can’t. We’ll die in space!”

“Well, that’s just great!”

“Can’t hear you… LA LA LA LA!”

“You’re annoying!”

Lemonpants McGee tosses his bazooka into space. It floats away. “Bye-bye, bazooka,” he says as the vehicle flies into the planet’s atmosphere.

You look down. There’s just orange grass. Nothing else.

“Why is the grass orange?” you ask.

“Why isn’t your face orange?” Lemonpants McGee inquiries back.

Never mind,” you grumble.

Lemonpants McGee flew the bike vehicle into the atmosphere. You look down. There’s just orange grass.

Then, the sky blackens.

“Hey, what's going on?”

“Don’t fret, it's normal for the sky to suddenly blacken,” Lemonpants McGee says as the bike thing descends.

“All... right.”

You see a paved area ahead.

We land in the grass right by the curb. “Hop out.”

Your seat belt unbuckles and retracts back. You get out.

Lemonpants McGee yanks a clump of grass sand eats it. “I’m a zebra; I eat grass.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Follow me!” Lemonpants McGee sings in a high voice and starts to leap in the distance.

“WOAH! WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!” you shout after him. “Wait up!” You start running.

Curved walls appear around you. You gasp and stop. you look around and realize you are in an empty arena.

“Hi,” a deep voice says and utters your name. “Ready to fight?”

You spin around. “BLAAAAAGGGGHHHH!”

“Don’t worry. I won't bite!”

You stare at the fuchsia ape. He wears a gold chain around his furry neck.

“I'm one of the Space Gods. Call me Limepants McGee.”

“Urgh… OK?”

“Schlabbity scho!” he utters, and a steaming turquoise goblet appears in his hairy hand. “Here, drink this.”

“What Is it?”

“Strength juice. Makes you stronger.”

You look in and see crimson liquid. You hesitate.

“Come on, it won't kill you!” He smiles.

You take a whiff. No odor. Slowly, you raised the cup to your lips.

“Come on, drink it.”

You pause.

“Come on.”

“Here goes nothing,” you think, and drink. Sour immediately hits your tongue and you pucker.

“You must drink all of it!”

“But it's really sour!”

“WAH-WAH! It's really sour! Does the baby need his diaper changed?”

You glare at Limepants McGee. “What a jerk! Why, you ought to—"

“Quit glaring at me and drink, little baby!”

You hold your nose and chug the rest down.

“Good, now go fight!”

“Excuse me?”

“Go fight now!”

“But I will die!”

“No, you won't, you drank strength juice.”

“So?”

“Go fight.”

“But—"

“Stop arguing and fight.”

“I don’t feel stronger.”

“Trust me. You are!”

“But—“

“Oh, for God’s sake! Just fight!”

“OK.” You take a deep breath.

“Hey, no inhaling your breath!”

“I’m preparing myself, OK?”

“Preparing myself,” Limepants McGee mocked you.

“Whatever,” you murmur under your breath.

“No murmuring under your breath!”

You ignore the bossy ape. Slowly, you approached the creature.

“Stop walking slow!”

The animal opened its jaws, revealing three rows of sharp, pointy teeth! A low growl emerged deep within.

You stop. “Uh, nice monster,” you say.

“I’m sitting on my gold encrusted throne,” Limepants McGee announces.

The monster lets out a terrifying roar and charges at you with its yellow furry legs.

“Kill it kill it kill it!” Lime Pants McGee charts, pounding his furry ape chest.

You spread your legs out and hold your hands out as you prepare to tackle the beast. It rushes at youm and you grab the monster by the waist. To your surprise you lift it up like a rag doll. “Whoa!” you throw him up in the sky. The monster roars as it soars through the air. You watch it roar and squirm. Then, it disappears into the horizon.

You look at the audience as they clap and cheer.

Then the monster reappears in front of you.

“SHUT UP!” you holler as it lets loose a terrifying roar. You cover your ears to little effect.

The monster takes a swipe at you, but you duck at the last second. Yiou decide to back up.

Just in time because the monster opens its mouth and blows fire.

“DAMN!” you scream and run. Looking back, you see a trail of fire is following you. “Aww, come on!” The trail is catching up as your legs kept up with the rest of your body. You feel the heat behind. Your heart pounds. Could this get any worse? You regret saying those words because a velociraptor appears right in your face.

“AAAAAHHHH!” you scream and swerve just before the dinosaur can take a chomp out of your face! That was way too close! You have to get out of this place...but how? Lemonpants McGee would catch you if you try to escape.

“COME ON, USE YOUR POWER! BEAT THEM!” Lemonpants McGee yells, cupping his hands over his mouth.

You give the monster an uppercut, knocking it on its back. Then the velociraptor leaps high in the air and you slap it down.

“WINNER!” Limepants McGee shouts, and the audience cheers. The fuchsia ape walks over to you and a banana appears in his hand. He peels it and eats it. The audience goes wild. Limepants McGee walks back to his throne.

“What was that about?” you ask.

“Your reward.” Lemonpants McGee gives you a chocolate chip cookie.

“Huh?” you blurt out.

“Yes, you get a cookie.”

“Why?” you ask. You like chocolate chip cookies as much as the next guy, but right now it’s odd. You expect a medal or something.

“Chocolate chip cookies are there favorite food of the Space Gods.”

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“O…K, well, thanks… why did the ape eat a banana in front of me?”

“You're welcome.”

“What?”

“For the cookie.”

“OK, but you haven’t answered… Never mind.”

“WINNER!”

“Uh… what next?”

“Marry my wife, Roguie Porguie.” He waved his hand and a cow appeared, standing up on its back hooves.

“Uh…no thanks.”

“Then, you're a towel!”

“Uh…. OK?”

“Begone with you!” the ape exclaims, and you are back in your yard. You blink. The sky is back to its usual blue. “What the hell?” you utter. “Lemonpants McGee?” you call. Nothing happens. Silence. “No more pork rinds before bed.” You go back to your house when you see something.

A gold chain and a chocolate chip cookie.