Escape

The first time it happened Cassie thought it was a dream, that she must have been asleep, and dreaming. Since that day, now and then, she had felt a similar sensation when she concentrated on Sonny, in the sliding of taut muscle or the shiver of skin under the tickle of a fly. On this sunny summer Saturday, Cassie was sitting in her favourite place in Sonny's paddock, her back against the steel gate and her legs stretched out in front of her, when it happened again. The morning sun was warm on her shoulder and the side of her face, and glinted in copper shards from Sonny’s chestnut coat as he grazed barely metres away. He munched with a steady rhythm, and she had closed her eyes against the glare of the sun, harsh and bright now as the morning stretched out. The next thing she knew, she was snatching the soft green strands between her own teeth, ripping with a slight sideways twitch, and feeling in her mouth the miraculous dance of lips, teeth, and tongue. She could taste the succulent grass, sugar-sweet and pungent.

A cry from the house startled Sonny, and as one the two heads swung and looked. Laura, Cassie's big sister, was standing on the front deck and waving. ‘Cassie! Granny’s here.’ Cassie was sure she felt her own ears swivel and prick forward at Laura’s call. Laura once had a friend visit who could wriggle his ears, and after he'd gone Cassie sat in front of the mirror and tried to make hers move, tried and tried, but nothing happened. Before she was interrupted just then, it had felt like she was doing it. If only she could be a horse! But for now, she was just Cassie again. She scrambled to her feet and hurried over to the house, the circulation returning painfully to her rear.

They had moved here from the city six months ago, partly to be closer to Granny since Grandad had died, and partly because Mummy had excelled her highly motivated self to win an important job at the borough council. Since the move, Cassie’s world had changed in every way. She didn’t like her new school. She always seemed to say the wrong thing; the other children didn’t understand her thoughts, and stared or smirked at her questions. Mummy was hardly ever home, trying hard in her new job to ‘make a good impression’ and ‘prove herself’, always at work, even on auspicious Saturdays like today. When she was home, she seemed distracted and unreachable, constantly finding fault and out of sorts. Cassie was never sure what she had done wrong or how to fix it. The only good thing about the move was darling Sonny, the elderly chestnut gelding who had come with the property.

Her yearnings receded as she ran to greet Granny with a hug and kiss. She loved Granny’s visits. She seemed to have a unifying effect on the whole family. Mummy would be lots calmer; she could even be quiet and kind. Laura played for longer with her, and Daddy tried hard, too. He often answered her questions when Granny was here, the sort of questions he usually grunted at or ignored. She was six and she had a lot of questions.

‘Granny, can people turn into animals?’

‘You mean like a shape shifter? People used to believe that, once. They thought it was a punishment from the gods, or a way to escape unpleasantness.’ Granny studied her thoughtfully. ‘Why do you ask, my darling?’

‘I think I was turning into a horse just before.’ Granny smiled indulgently, and Cassie was suddenly cross with her. ‘Really, I was.’

‘What would you do if you were a horse?’

‘I’d eat grass and then I’d gallop around and around. And then I’d be itchy so I’d lie down and roll, and then I’d stand up and jump and kick.’ With enthusiasm Cassie demonstrated on the bouncy turf. 'Sonny would be my best friend and we'd be together always. And no one would be grumpy and shout and tell me I was naughty.’

‘You would make a lovely chestnut pony,’ said Granny, ‘with your hair that colour. It’s like Sonny’s coat in summer.’ She gathered the little girl into a hug, but as she did it she tightened her lips and frowned over Cassie’s head. ‘You aren’t naughty my sweet, you’re a good girl.’

‘Mummy said I was naughty this morning though,’ said Cassie, twisting out of the old lady’s embrace and gazing up into the sweet familiar face. ‘I just wanted to see Sonny before breakfast, and she said if I went, I couldn’t have any, so I ran outside with my toast.’

'Oh dear,’ sighed Granny.

‘And then Mummy went to work and she didn’t say goodbye.’

‘I suppose she was running late. Never mind, you can say ‘I’m sorry’ tonight when she gets home.’ Cassie agreed that she would and felt comforted. She would recite a little speech, after which Mummy would hug her and they would both say, ‘I love you.’ Maybe then everything would be all right again.

‘Are you here all day, Granny?’

‘Yes dear. Your dad won’t be back from golf until late. If his day goes according to plan and he wins the club champs, he will have to stay and shout the bar.’

‘Maybe he won’t win,’ said Cassie, and hoped he wouldn’t. She immediately felt bad. Winning was important to Daddy, and she wanted him to be happy. If only he could win and come straight home!

'I’m sure he’ll win. He has been practicing every day since you moved here, hasn’t he?’

‘Yes, he has,’ Cassie said. ‘Every day. He doesn’t even have time to read my story, and I’ll never find out what happens to Harry and Ron and Hermione.’

She was interrupted by the sound of wheels on the gravel drive. ‘Bye Granny, bye Cassie!’ Laura was waving from the window of the plum-coloured Corolla, the extra car they found they needed now they lived in the country. There was no public transport out here, so as soon as Laura turned sixteen she got her restricted licence. Now she was independent, able to drive herself anywhere she wanted to go. When she had her full licence, she had promised, she would take Cassie sometimes, but for now Cassie had to stay behind. ‘Where’s Laura going, Granny?’

‘She has a practice for the high school stage challenge, didn’t she tell you? Then she’ll probably hang out with her friends. Which means it’s just you and me! Hooray!’ Granny hoisted two fists in a victory salute, but Cassie turned away, bottom lip between her teeth, and watched the car until it turned at the gate and disappeared on the road into town.

Laura didn't return until the sun had lost its warmth and the fence posts were leaving long bars of shadow on the grass beside Sonny’s paddock. Granny left then, with waves and kisses. Cassie had prepared a contrite little speech for her mother, which she perfected as she snuggled up in bed that night. But the speech was wasted as her mother didn’t get home until late, when Cassie was already asleep and dreaming of galloping and bucking across green hills as a chunky chestnut pony.

It was another cheerful morning full of light and birdsong. Cassie woke to a restless urgency, and crept outside while the house slept, to watch the dawn with Sonny. The grass was drenched with dew, so she stood and leaned her back on Sonny's comforting shoulder, moving when he moved, facing the mound of hill to the east, black against a lime-green morning sky. When the first rays of the sun stroked her forehead, she closed her eyes and wallowed, lizard-like, in its warmth.

It was much later when Laura opened her bedroom curtains and looked across the lawn to Sonny’s paddock, to see a second chestnut grazing beside him, smaller and lighter with a deep russet mane and tail. She immediately thought of Cassie and how excited she would be. She hustled along to her sister’s bedroom door and pushed it open. ‘Cassie look, there’s a pony in the paddock with Sonny, and its mane and tail are exactly the same colour as your hair…. wake up sleepyhead!’. The room was still dark, and she peered at Cassie’s bed, willing her eyes to adjust in the dimness. One corner of the top sheet trailed on the floor, but there was no mound of fiery hair on the pillow where it should have been. ’CASSIE?’ Laura turned and shouted through the open door. ‘Muuum! Dad! Where’s Cassie?’

Beyond the steel gate, the strange pony raised her head and pricked her ears. She gave a little buck, raced once around the paddock, then blasted back to stand beside Sonny, toss her mane, and stare.