QUARTER PAST FIVE

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and the doctor said I have barely three years to live because, according to him, the disease had already spread to my bones. Upon receiving the news, I closed my eyes or rather, my eyes closed of their own accord. I remembered when I was dropped from the football team eleven years ago- and how broken I had been. Now it seemed the whole thing was happening all over again. This was far worse, even. Then I thought of you. How you would react when I broke the news to you. We had wedded just a year and some months ago and I had thought I was going to have you next to me forever. That we would have kids and raise a happy home. I didn’t know Fate had other plans. Well, the doctor urged me to be strong. I just had to look on the bright side. Three years was enough time to prove what a loving husband and father I was.

As I drove through the streets of Abeokuta, I thought of you and the child in your womb and a sense of betrayal surged within me. A feeling that I was the worst husband and father there ever was. A feeling that I was about to desert my wife and child, leaving them in the hands of a ruthless society. A feeling so strong that it haunted me all the time. It would never go away. Maybe two or three bottles of Heineken would do some good.

****

You were lying sprawled in an armchair, watching Zee World, when I walked in. And you immediately rushed towards me and hugged me tightly. You smelt of strawberries.

‘Welcome home, darling. You took quite longer than usual today.’

‘I had loads of work to attend to at the office.’

I kissed your rosy cheeks.

‘How is our baby?’ I asked, stroking your belly.

‘He’s perfectly safe.’

Then I watched the smile fade from your face.

‘You have been drinking, haven’t you?’

‘I’m sorry. I had a lot to do today. I needed some beer to clear my head.’

There was no way I was going to tell you about my visit to the doctor. Some things are better left unsaid. You eyed me for a while. I held your waist and you playfully removed my hands; I replaced them. We were going to live our lives like we’d always done. Like everything was normal.

I sat down heavily and grabbed the TV remote.

‘I want to watch football.’

‘There’s another TV in the bedroom.’

‘You go to the bedroom. I want to watch football here.’

I tuned the channel to Super Sports. You feigned a grimace as you seized the collar of my shirt. I got up and ran and you chased me and caught me- and we kissed. We were going to live our lives and be happy. It didn’t matter if I was going to die today, tomorrow or the next.

‘Adesewa, I’ll make supper tonight.’

You stared at me as if I had spoken Greek.

‘Don’t give me that face. You are pregnant and need enough rest.’

You still said nothing. You didn’t really need to say anything; the look in your eyes said everything.

I went to the bedroom to undress and afterwards I went to the kitchen. You sat and watched as I peeled potatoes.

‘Is that how to hold a knife?’ you teased.

You took pictures of me with your phone and laughingly said you would post them on Facebook with the caption: Husband Material 10,000 yards. I rushed towards you and snatched the phone.

****

You were sleeping in the bedroom. I pulled a blanket over you as you slept and then stepped away from the door. I felt eyes staring at me, piercing through my being. Like it had been broadcast on the media that I would die in no distant time. Everybody that walked past me seemed to regard me with some kind of sympathy. I always felt somewhat safer in your company, but alone, I felt like a murderer who had been given a death sentence. I walked into a shop.

‘Oga, good evening. Wetin you wan buy?’

The boy attending to me was about twenty-one by my observation.

‘Err, let me look around…’

I wasn’t sure if the unborn baby was a girl or a boy, so I was quite confused as to what to buy. Then I saw a card with the inscription: Hello Cutie. Daddy Loves You, and reached for it. I also bought baby clothes, a toy car and a rag doll.

****

‘Guess what, darling?’

You turned to look at me, your face expressionless. I waved the plastic bag as I sat down and gently placed you on my lap. Then I undid the bag and showed you the things I had bought for the baby, watching you intently. I saw the tears and my mouth dropped open. I had thought you would be thrilled at the prospects of my being a caring father.

‘Sewa, what is it?’

I couldn’t think of anything that could be responsible for your present state. Perhaps you had found out that my days were numbered. The possibility of that stung me like a swarm of angry bees, but I resisted it. You weren’t prepared to say anything to me, no matter how I urged. But at long last, you summoned courage and spoke.

'Timi, do forgive me.' You were sobbing. I pulled you closer to my chest and played with your hair.

'Do you promise to forgive me?'

'Yes, sure,' I said without thinking.

A minute passed but it was like five centuries. I could hear my own heart beating loudly. It felt as if it would jump out of my chest.

'Timi, ttthhheee bbbaaabbbyyyyy I aaaammm ccarryyiinngggg iiissss nnnooottt yyooouuurrrrs.'

The words pierced right through my chest and the plastic bag dropped to the floor. I had spent the last six months nursing the thought that I would become a father. How I craved to see my newborn child, watch it smile and touch its fragile skin. But now the whole thing was a dream- a dream that would never become reality. Your face was turned aside. You were crying as you tried to explain everything. How the doctor had told you that I was unable to get a woman pregnant- and how the whole thing was hidden from me so as not to hurt me. Then you had to devise a means to get pregnant- you paid a childhood friend of yours to do the job- and it had been strictly business, no strings attached. But now, with the way I was showing utmost affection for another man's child, you couldn't bear to keep it from me anymore.

For what seemed like an hour, darkness covered my vision. I was looking straight at you, but I could see nothing. I had wanted to reveal my own secret too- but at the moment I could do nothing but stare into empty space. I got up and walked towards the door. My mind was in a whirl and all I wanted now was a breath of fresh air.

Worse things were still going to happen. When I walked back into the house and saw your lifeless body on the bathroom floor, it felt like someone had pulled my intestines from the inside out. I opened my mouth to scream, but my throat went limp. Why was everything happening so fast?

The doctor said I would die in three years, but that was a hell of a time to wait for something as comforting as death. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. Then I looked at my watch. It was quarter past five.