It's weird how one event can cause such tragedy to befall those you love. Having to see their teary-eyed faces staring down at a gravestone as they plead to be able to hold their loved one again.
It's a depressing sight, and one I have had plenty of misfortunes of seeing. If only I was alive, I know I would shoulder that pain instantaneously- I just want to see them smile again.
Being a ghost is far duller then most people would have you believe, I'm just a dead soul resting on my gravestone and watching the world around me. No heaven or hell- just eternally remaining at the gravesite.
Luckily for me- or more like unlucky, today is my first Halloween since dying. The night of the living dead and handing children diabetes. I wish I could say that I'm a fan of Halloween, and well... I used to be.
But it stops becoming fun when your loved ones come to your grave on this day each year to bless you. Why did I have to be born on this holiday again? Oh yeah, I didn't have a choice in that matter that's why.
"D-do you think b-big sis, misses me? I said so hurtful things to her... so I wouldn't be surprised if she hates me now," I heard the soft sweet voice of my little sister. She wore an adorable baby pink fairy outfit- all decked out with wings and a wand too.
Of course, I missed you kid, even if we had a huge fight before I died. Who cares, my love for you isn't so petty that I would be cursing you here in the afterlife. That's only for assholes, and I am no such thing.
"No of course not dear, she loved you very much. Even if you two did bicker a lot, you both always made up afterward each time. I'm sure... if she were here, she'd of already forgiven you and moved on," The somber raspy voice of my Mother made me focus on her. She had aged since the last I saw her, the bags under her eyes more prominent and even with all that makeup. It couldn't hide her age or her stress. I blame myself for making her end up like this, it's all my fault.
I had never wanted to hurt her this badly, I just wanted the world to be gone for a few hours, for things to stop hurting so badly. I didn't intend to make her grow grey hair faster or fall into a depressed state.
I'm sorry Mother.
I'm sorry, that your daughter was so selfish.
Of course, those words don't mean much with me being gone now, do they? The living can't hear the dead- and the dead can't touch the warmth of their loved ones. What did it feel like when Mother hugged me again? It felt warm, and... calming as though I was wrapped up in a blanket.
I miss that warmth- oh, I miss it dearly.
"Come on dear, let's go meet up with your friends. Okay? We can come back later and you can tell your sister all about how much candy you got and what happened. Does that sound, alright?" My mother comforted sissy, as she leads her away from the gravestone slowly.
"Oh-oh! Can I give her all of my candy corn! She loved it so much!" Sissy exclaimed, a bright smile illuminating her face that made my Mother smile slightly at the sight.
Thank you, sissy, please... lookout for Mother for me. She deserves to be happy again- I want her to be happy again. With you and Father by her side, I'm sure she'll learn to heal after my selfishness.
Later that night, sissy and Mother never returned. I don't blame them though, it's chilly out and sissy as school tomorrow. There are more pressing things to deal with than me tonight. Though, I say that... I wish they had returned.
I wish I had never killed myself...
I would've turned seventeen this year- just one more footstep until pre-adulthood basically. I was going to get my license this year, a job, maybe a guy- but I can't do any of that now, and... it hurts. It hurts to think that after death is only when I fully yearn for those things- why couldn't I yearn for them alive? Why did life have to be so damn unfair to me? Maybe I was a serial killer in one of my past lives and this was life saying 'fuck you'. I wouldn't be surprised at this point- anything is on the damn table when life is involved.
I used to hate the simple things in my life, I always found them annoying and distracting. I had never fully enlightened myself to them or even acknowledged them myself. That's just how my life was after all, and now I can say as a dead person- well ghost I suppose; that I was a dumbass for thinking that. Now I wished I could worry about simple things and have them all up in my face if only for a few moments just to make me feel like an actual living person still and not just dead flesh. Man, if only it was that simple.
I must've fallen asleep at some point- yes dead people can fall asleep, and it's what I mostly do to keep myself from dying of boredom most days. Either way that's not the point, the vase of daffodils and a small candy corn plushie is what is important.
Mother always did know what flowers I loved dearly, and... that I had a freakish addiction to plushies, because I mean they're so cute and... squishy. How could you not love them? Oh right, if you were born heartless that is.
I knelt down to the golden vase and admired the flowers some, before sadly looking at the plushie wishing I could hold it. Stupid being dead logic!
Oh well, at least I can admire the gifts.
Thanks, Mother... and sissy, love you both.