The Cry of the Captain

I emerged from the turbulent waters for the first time in a few minutes.

One breath. Two. Three.

I squinted as I gasped, but my efforts were futile.

I couldn’t see. The waves pulled me under right as a cacophony of lightning and thunder illuminated the sky, echoing above the din of the waves. I felt the waves knock me against something- likely wood, considering I was in a sea so deep that the entirety of my boat had disappeared except for a few scraps left floating above the surface. The waves dipped and my head poked above the water for a second. I had time for a shaky, watery gasp before going back under. Something heavy slammed against my chest, shoving me further back. My arms and legs flew forward at the impact, wrapping around a cylindrical object. The breath I had from my last gasp above water shot from me and salt stung my throat. My consciousness dipped in and out from there as I went through bouts of floating on the cylinder- that ended up being a small barrel from my ship- above water and then being fully submerged in the abyss of the ocean. Somehow, by some small miracle, I managed to hold onto the barrel even as the waves pummeled me and I drifted from consciousness. More time passed, I had no idea how long. But I know that I cried for what felt like hours. I had lost my crew, I had lost my ship, and as far as I knew, I was the only survivor. My first transatlantic trip as captain and I failed. I failed everyone on that boat and I failed their families and I failed my dad, whose picture I had left on the boat as it began sinking rapidly. At least the water wasn’t as cold as the Pacific, but the chill that shuddered through my body was persistent and did something to add to the misery of being lost in an ocean! The voice inside my head screamed at me, my regrets and self-hatred pounding against my skull until I could think of nothing but the dull ache of pain and loss it had left. And shame. Maybe I didn’t want to be found. Maybe I should let myself-

A light. 

It had disappeared as quickly as it had flashed across the sky. It was not lightning, but rather, an artificial glow that could have only come from something man made. Something like-

A boat. 

I saw it in the distance, the dilapidated yet seemingly indestructible steel cargo ship with lights rotating periodically like a lighthouse. Seaweed and grime dripped from the side of the ship, creating a slick and ominous reflection each time it was illuminated by the LEDs. It had been a while since my head had gone underwater. My throat, although scratched and raw, was in slightly better shape than it had been in nearly an hour earlier. “HE-eLP!” My voice broke. I tried again.

“HEEELP!”

“PLEASE!” I gulped back the bile that had risen in my throat, salt from the sea stinging as it went down. My dark brown hair clung to my face like little snakes and whipped into my eyes as gusts of wind pummeled me. “PLEASE!” I cried again. 

They weren’t coming. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. They were not coming. I was going to die out here just like the rest of my crew. I succumbed to my despair and stopped yelling. If they hadn’t heard me already, they wouldn’t hear me as I wasted my last breaths calling out for their help. I pictured the headlines announcing the death of an incompetent captain and her crew. I pictured my mom breaking down in tears when she realized I wasn’t coming home. And, worst of all, I pictured my sister, Katherine, telling her two daughters that I wouldn’t be back. That I wouldn’t be able to pick them up from school again. That they would need to find someone to take care of my cats and sell my house and find somewhere to put my old clothes and belongings. I saw Katherine’s daughters going through my closet and coming across my boxes of photos just as I had when my dad died. I saw it and realized that I wouldn’t let it happen. 

Something snapped, something inside my soul, igniting a vigor and desire to save my own life by whatever means necessary.

I let go of the barrel and swam to a long, narrow plank of wood that had been drifting near me. Lighter, easier to move- and more likely to sink. But, easier to move with while holding on for extra buoyancy. I swam closer towards the approaching cargo ship. 

“HELP!” I took off one of my metal badges and threw it at the ship- it just grazed the side quietly.

“HELP!” Another badge, this one striking the side with a loud clang. Not loud enough.

“HELP ME! DOWN HERE!”

I ripped off one of my metal buttons and launched it at the ship. This one smacking the side of a steel container and ricocheting off, clanging against other containers until it quieted. They had to have heard that one. 

I was so close to the boat by now that I began to fear I would meet my end, not by drowning due to my own exhaustion, but drowning as the boat crushed me from above. “Hello?” I gasped at the response that I had barely let myself hope for. But the moment of pure joy did not come without a cost. My leg cramped and a large wave overtook me. My entire body was slammed beneath the surface of the sea as my remaining energy died out. My grasp on the wood slipped and I opened my eyes under the water just in time to see it shoot over my head, propelled by the waves. I used only my arms to fight my way back to the surface, but I took too long. As soon as I felt the wind on my face another wave forced me under the surface. They didn’t know I was down here. I hadn’t answered their call. I used some energy I had left from God knows where and splashed to the surface, praying it was not too late. Praying that whoever was out there hadn’t dismissed the ring of my button hitting the ship as the mere howling of the wind. “HERE,” I rasped. “I’m down here-” I broke down into a fresh bout of tears. 

“Is someone down there?” A voice bellowed.

“Yes! Me! I’m down here!” I croaked as tears streamed down my face. I watched as a head peaked over the edge of the ship. “Oh my God-” A deep male voice thundered. I awaited the rest of the man’s reaction, or further sign of his inclination to help me. He stuttered. “Um, you’re getting help, I’m going to get you help just stay there!” He bellowed from aboard the ship before disappearing momentarily. Even above the roar of the unforgiving ocean I could hear him yelling to the other crew members for help. Cold wind continued to gust across the ocean and sting my face as I waited for the man aboard the ship to lower the small orange lifeboat suspended nearby. The waves continued to push me under, urging me to surrender to the death that awaited me below; a final attempt to keep me within its reach of power before I was saved. I inhaled more sea water and sputtered more coughs in the time that I waited for what felt like an eternity but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. The lifeboat lowered to the ocean and I began to swim towards it. I was thrown a rope and I grabbed on, my grip weak and shaking. By the time I actually got into the boat I had given everything I had. I could barely remember how I got into the boat. I could barely even breathe.

All I could do as I laid on my back, choking and sprawled out on the floor of the raft as I felt it begin to rise back up to the ship, was look at the star filled night sky and pray.