The Taskmasters' New Year's Treat

1 January 2017

Okay, so after five years of setting New Year's resolutions, blazing through them for two months, and then completely forgetting about it in March, I want to try something different. A game ? THE game ? The one I watch without fail on Thursdays on telly ?

Welcome to Taskmaster: Sam's New Year Treat!

Here goes nothing.

Using an unusual line that could have been from Taskmaster, finally introduce yourself to Marina Scott from Marketing. Come on now, Sam. You've been stealing glances at that brunette with the fox-like face and the sparkling chartreuse eyes for three years, and it musn't be an accident you stumbled upon her watching an episode of the show on her phone. It's time.

You have one year. Your time starts now.

**

28 July 2017

Oh my...OH MY GOD!

Well, first of all, I'm not sure if I could consider this task completed because MARINA LAUREL SCOTT WALKED UP TO MY DESK AND INTRODUCED HERSELF. OH MY GOD!

I could still picture it so vividly in my mind, as if someone had filmed everything. I was staring at some blank Excel sheet, hoping that in those blank squares, I'd find the perfect line to tell her, when all of a sudden...

"Have I met these potatoes before?"

I turn around, and see a pair of light green pools sparkling with warmth and a bit of mischief. Marina.

"I'm sorry if this is weird," she sputtered out. "It's just that one weekend, I saw you at the park with a Taskmaster t-shirt on. You know how hard it is to find people who like...."

"Well, it's official. This guy has arrived."

I don't even know where in the back of my mind my reply came from, but it was enough for Marina to break into a chuckle, extend her delicate hand to shake mine, and tell me it was great to see a fellow fan of the show not only in the wild, but also in the same workplace as her.

I guess this is the start of cooler chats about the best show on telly ever? Hopefully? OH GOD, I'M GOING TO REPLAY THIS IN MY MIND IN MY DREAMS, WON'T I?

Five points to Sam Keaveney.

**

1 January 2018

Well, that worked last year. Let's try this format again.

Invite Marina to your Taskmaster-themed birthday party. If she says yes, convince her to be one of the contestants and to do the tasks.

You have until your birthday (so, four months and fourteen days). Your time starts now.

**

14 May 2018

Well, Diary, not only did Marina say yes to coming to my birthday when I asked her in February, but she dominated all the tasks Paul (the gang's usual TM Assistant, of course) set. All of them. I'm still surprised (Then again, should I be?).

Alan, David, Jess, and Rose stood no chance as Marina baked an honestly delicious cake with ingredients starting with the letters of Samuel, found the birthday candles in a heap of flour the fastest, and was able to guess whether I'd show a balloon card or a laminator card onstage the most times.

But my favourite would definitely have to be Marina's birthday song to the tune of "Swan Lake". My goodness, who knew that she could also sing like an angel ? It makes me wonder how she'd sound like singing lullabies to our chi...oh get a grip, Sam.

I'm just glad the gang welcomed her and asked if she'd like to hang out again. That smile she broke into when she said yes, my goodness.

Task completed. Five points to Sam Keaveney (aside from the record 30 points Marina got from today).

**

1 January 2020

Team Task: Finally confess to your mate Marina that you've been in love with her for six years. You may use Rose's help for conceptualising a plan and executing it.

And for crying out loud, Sam, be more discreet about the plan...and you swooning over Marina. After all, you smiling like an idiot in the corner when Marina gave you that birthday present last year was what made Rose pull you aside and ask you if you fancied her. A bit more self-control until you tell her please.

You have one year. Your time starts now.

**

23 March 2020

FUCK!

Well, one bonus point to Sam Keaveney for at least starting the brainstorming session with Rose on what exactly I'm going to do to confess and for coming up with a general idea (A treasure hunt-style series of tasks! How fun!) before lockdown. Good start.

**

1 January 2021

Whenever the lockdown regulations ease up, finally execute that plan to confess to Marina. Come on now, Sam, you've had a year and several Zoom calls with Rose to prepare for this.

You have one year (or whenever restrictions are lifted). Your time starts now.

**

19 August 2021

Diary, I had to abort doing this task again. No, nothing to do with another lockdown...well, except maybe of my heart, for now.

Rose and I, as you know, had everything prepared for today down to the last wax seal. We spent so many months making sure everything looked just as it does on the show. So many months. As soon as small gatherings were allowed, I was over at Rose's every weekend to plan the clues to put in the little envelopes, to figure out which font is used on TM (Special Elite, of course), plan the logistics of the whole thing. Three months of weekends we spent on this crazy scheme of ours, on making sure the culmination of seven years of longing for Marina to be in my arms would be perfect.

Yes, it was part of the plan to invite Marina over to my place under the guise of a group viewing party of Taskmaster, and for her to gleefully say yes. It was also part of the plan for her to find a little locker with her name on a sticker in front. It was also part of the plan for her to open the task inside that little cubicle and find the words "Individual task: Find Sam. Your time starts now.", as well as a clue that would lead to the study. It was also part of the plan for her to follow the arrows to a drawer with a letter detailing how grateful I am to have her as a friend, how she made my life more colourful ever since that day she asked me about those potatoes in the office. Geez, that plan was falling into place.

Had we followed through with the plan, we would have planted a clue for her to go to the living room, where I would have played that "Swan Lake" birthday song she made me from three years ago, as well as a vocal clip of me calling it the most beautiful song I've ever heard. Had we followed through with the plan, I would have planted one last clue for her to go to the garden so she could find me waiting for her, as I have for seven years, bouquet of her favourite pink hydrangeas in hand, finally spilling my heart to her. Had we followed through...I wish we could have followed through.

Well, it wasn't part of the plan that the doorbell would ring and I'd open the door to a tall, blonde man apologising for being late and looking for Marina.

Task aborted. Negative one million points to Sam Keaveney.

**

1 January 2024

For the third year in a row, try to get over Marina...

No wait, that's daunting. Let's pick something more achievable.

**

Do not cry in front of Marina and Russell from now until their wedding in July.

You have until the end of the reception. Your time starts now.

**

28 July 2024

Well, I did it, Diary. I survived the day without once tearing up in front of the woman I love and her now-husband.

Well, I did say just don't do it in front of them, didn't I?

Diary, you have to understand how hard it was. You have to understand how hard it was to hold back my tears when I saw Marina -- resplendent in her lace wedding gown, those beautiful green eyes filled with tears of joy --- walk down the aisle towards her dashing groom. You have to understand how hard it was to stop myself from imagining it was me she was marching to, me promising to take care of her, me slipping a gold band on her delicate finger. Thankfully, I was able to excuse myself, walk to the loo, and have a three-minute sob inside.

You have to understand how hard it was to make that toast at the reception, how hard it was to make a speech about how happy I am one of my best friends found the love of her life when all I wanted was to be that soulmate. You have to understand that when she hugged me after I put down that microphone, all I wanted was for her not to let go, for her to always come home to my arms. But she can’t. She wouldn’t. Thankfully, again, the loo came to my rescue.

Just don’t cry in front of them. I’ll stand by it. That’s what the task said.

Whatever. Task completed. Five points to Sam Keaveney…even if it feels more like a zero.

*******************************************************

1 January 2017

Okay, let’s make this whole New Year’s resolutions thing a bit more fun, shall we?

Welcome to Taskmaster: Marina’s New Year Treat!

Using an unusual line that could have been from Taskmaster, finally introduce yourself to Samuel Keaveney. It’s about time, Marina. You’ve been secretly pining for that handsome accountant with the chestnut waves and the amber eyes for three years now. Seeing him wear a t-shirt with the unmistakable logo of your favourite television show is no accident.

You have one year. Your time starts now.

**

28 July 2017

Task completed. YEEEESSS !!! I, MARINA LAUREL SCOTT, TALKED TO SAMUEL DARREN KEAVENEY! SAM WITH THE AMBER EYES BEHIND THOSE CUTE SPECTACLES. AAAAARRRDGGGHH !

Geez, was I awkward about explaining how I found out he watches TM too (I hope I didn’t sound like a stalker. GULP !), but thankfully, Sam smiled at me, extended his hand, and told me one of the greatest lines I’ve ever heard, something very much worthy of the show.

"Well, it's official. This guy has arrived."

Sam, you have indeed arrived….three years ago…in my heart.

Five points to Marina Scott.

**

1 January 2018

Well, that was fun. Let’s try this again.

Impress Sam on his birthday month (and for crying out loud, Marina, don’t make it obvious you already know when his birthday is because you’ve been looking at his Facebook for years now.).

You have until the end of May. Your time starts now.

**

14 May 2018

Task completed….and you’ll never guess how. Sam Keaveney…invited me…Marina Scott…to his Taskmaster birthday party. OH YES WAY !

When Sam approached me, shining amber eyes and gorgeous smile and all, and asked me if I wanted to be a contestant in his birthday game, of course, I had to say yes….and I knew I had to be good. But, I never expected to get a perfect score. OH MY ! Well, I guess that’s what happens when the source of your inspiration happens to be the Taskmaster, I guess.

Oh god, and I’m glad Sam really liked my birthday song for him. I hope he didn’t hear how much my voice was trembling when I took to the microphone. He told me that I sounded like an angel. It took all of my willpower to stop myself from saying “Well, you’re the angel.” Oh god.

Five points to Marina Scott.

**

1 January 2020

Finally confess to your friend Sam that you've been in love with him for six years.

And for crying out loud, Marina, be more discreet about the confession...and you swooning over Sam. After all, Sam probably almost caught you grinning like an idiot whilst you were handing him last year’s birthday present for him. UGGGGGHHH !

You have one year. Your time starts now.

**

22 February 2020

Well, Diary, for the very first time, I think I have to abort a task. I think you already have an idea why, but today, I realized it’s probably true: Sam Keaveney and Rose Fisher are probably dating. Just my luck, huh?

Diary, you know that ever since Sam’s birthday last year, I have constantly seen the two of them sneaking off on their own, voices hushed as they seem engaged in deep conversation, every time the group hangs out together. Well, the only thing I can think of that a very handsome man like Sam and an unarguable beauty like Rose could share in those secret moments is, what else, blossoming love….blossoming love I wish I had with him.

Look, as much as I’m happy for them as a friend, as much as I respect both of them and will never try to insert myself in this lovely couple that’s forming, damn, I wish it were me. I really do.

Negative one million points to Marina Scott.

**

1 January 2021

Try to give Russell Kelly (You know, Cousin Frankie’s best friend) a chance and say yes the next time he asks you out on a date. Come on now, Marina. The man has fancied you for six entire years, apparently. Why not?

Besides, isn’t it time to get over Sam? Be real. Sam is into Rose, beautiful fair-haired, blue-eyed Rose. You are not his type.

Just please try.

You have until Russell asks you out (That is, if he does.). Your time starts now.

**

29 January 2021

Well, Russell did ask to go on a date with me. And I said yes.

Honestly, it wasn’t so bad. He gave me roses when he walked excitedly through the door to pick me up. Roses…..yeah. Didn't even bother to ask what flowers I liked. He then took me to a swanky, maybe too swanky for me, restaurant. Not bad, Mr. Kelly.

Of course, I wish I could have done that with Sa…oh, stop it, Marina. Sam and Rose, your FRIENDS, are obviously in love. How many times have you called him up, and surprise, he’s over at Rose’s place? Huh, Marina, what else do you think that is all about? STOP FANTASISING ABOUT SAM KEAVENEY!

Sigh. Task completed. Five points to Marina Scott.

**

1 January 2024

For crying out loud, for the third year in a row, try not to think of Sam every time your fiancé holds you. Don’t think of how soft Sam’s lips must be when Russell kisses you. Stop searching for Sam’s amber eyes whenever Russell looks at you…

No wait, that's daunting. Let's pick something more achievable.

**

Do not cry in front of Sam and let him know that you are sad about not being with him until your wedding in July.

You have until the end of the reception. Your time starts now.

28 July 2024

Well, the task did say “Don’t let him know” right? Let’s just focus on that because….yep, when I saw Sam, his amber eyes gazed upon me, I…just couldn’t help it. I had to turn away from him and just let those tears flow. He never said anything about it, so I guess it counts, right?

Oh, Diary, to be honest, I almost stopped the wedding. Sam was just right there, dashing in his navy suit, and yes, I almost stopped in front of him, almost asked him if he could choose me, almost… But then, I saw beautiful Rose next to him, and that was that. How could I ever do that to two of my best mates? So yeah…I kept walking…towards Russell.

Oh god, Sam is just a friend, Marina. He’s not into you. Remember that. Sam is….ARRRRRGGGHHH !

Five points to Marina Scott-Kelly….although, it feels like zero.